I, Me, Myself

Good Afternoon people! It is a Wednesday afternoon and I think most people I can see from where I sit are in a cranky mood! Soo I was away with family for some family bonding giving  each other solace n all that and I am going to be on and off in writing till the new year. Not that I have lots of things to do but I need to get some time to myself and do some me time before the new year begins and so I will be on a wavy mood(high and low) !

It irks me. The being pulled out of the comfy zone I mean.It’s like being pulled out of a cocoon. It always feels terrible to get out of one’s comfort zone. But as everyone knows, you can’t achieve anything unless you get out of it. Change of phases always bring me a great discomfort. Eventually, I do end up liking them though.

When I was in school, I was damn sure I will never like college. First of all, I had to go to Tamil Nadu and talk to my classmates in Tamil. It’s not that I don’t know the language at all n all that but if you speak to me in “Senthamil” I would look as if I was just given a time bomb. I would never get to lead that super cool life like in school were  I was just so carefree, enthusiastic and in love with life. I would never get to travel in my school bus, hang around the local shop with my friends etc. And on top of that, I  knew I would get a culture shock at CBE. If I sound like a rude mallu, I must admit that I was one! The me taking a liking to CBE was a gradual process. I slowly started liking the place. I started liking the “chilli parotta” which was the only reason I didnt die of hunger in my first year. But then like I said I would have found some reason or the other to like the phase anyway. I met Div and Deeps there and formed a bond for lifetime. By the end of my third year, I was completely in love with the new phase.

By the time I reached my final semester, I knew I had to figure out what to do so I decided to study further. I came back to my hometown to do my masters. I wasnt too glad and all that but yes the fact that it was my hometown kinda gave me a high. By the third semester, I was damn sure I wouldn’t like going to work. Too much responsibilities. Too much headache. And you can’t sleep during work hours. When I started to work… it didn’t turn out so bad. The money earning part I just loveeeee The financial independence is just awesome. I have been working for about 3.6 years now and have loved it till now( though I still crib about the lack of sleep and not being to sit at home and idle n all tht)

Now its almost time for my next transition(the nost major one by far) and I feel the same discomfort. Maybe all this uneasiness is for the good, as proved in the past. Though I think this transition phase is a lil harder than the other ones I went through because there is a lot more pressure, a lot more of disappointments.. and you are just looking desperately for that little iota of hope and happiness.

Sometimes, I just wish I could go back to my childhood days and start things all over again…

But then…this is what life is all about.

The Saints n why its a great job option!

Om Shanti OM!!!!

We come across Baba’s of all types. Even this profession has been totally commercialized and yes, its a very suitable profession which can fulfil all your desires with the big bucks you earn. Guru’s of all kinds will be found in this fish market. The thing which I have been noticing since many years, especially the past few months is that every single person on this earth must have thought at least once about being a hermit. Every drunkard must have thought while being drunk that there is no point in living and getting his ass kicked in this world… n One kudiyan(drunkard) will say to the other  “ Da, ee jeevithathilu ini onnum nadakanilla namakku sanyasathinu pokam” : transalated as ” Hey, there is nothing more this life has to offer, let us become sanyasis” and even the ones who neither drink nor smoke do wonder about this stuff. IF you say you have never wondered, heck your wondering now by reading this post!

We enjoy mocking at the thought of us being saints! But if we actually sit and ponder we will realise that none of us have the sincerity to be a monk! Even then there are some lucrative points which can be fully relished on after being a sadhu!

• No hairy problems : You can grow hair on any part of your body. You don’t need to wax or shave or go through any such painful process. You can shamelessly roam around showing your smelly armpits and if your a junglee baba then even the word “hygiene” can be removed from your dictionary. You can harvest a whole family of lice’s on your fiery head. You will never have to worry about any deodorant or perfume, you can gladly make your bhakts smell your natural body aroma. You can grow as long beard as you wish. The more longer it is the more better it will be to make your bhakts believe in your years of Sanyas(no pun intended). No, offence to the hair less and takla baba’s. You can be a baba without hairs as well. Your forehead needs to sparkle even more than a disco ball. Your followers will consider that as your third eye and will think of you as a medium to God. Just learn some magic tricks and hide stuff in all your hairy places. For those who don’t have hair, you wont have the freedom to show of your body so wear more clothes, you need these clothes to hide stuff for your tricks. Hairy baba’s can appear more during summers and hairless baba’s can appear more during winters.Even followers need variety you see, they will get bored of one baba very soon, so keep appearing seasonally.

• No education required: Heck! education no longer counts these days, if you have failed in everything you ever did in your life be a Baba. You just need to know how to talk the philosophical jargon for hours and hours. You will even end up attracting NRI clients even. People are very depressed these days. All they need is someone to constantly tell them about the spirituality of life and happiness,so you just have to talk uselessly and rest leave it on them. They will fund you, provide you with all the facilities, you will never ever have to worry about any of your needs from then on. See, you will even have firangs in your surrounding to create a beautiful ambience. If your really really ugly looking then firangs are a must. You must wave at your followers like Deepika Padukone did in OM SHANTI OM ( see even that movie had a spiritual name, so learn something from it!). For doing business globally you need to be a sophisticated baba. If you don’t have marketing skills, then find the followers who are and patch a deal with them, grow your empire. You be the face for the public and let them be the brains behind your success.
• No talent required : Baba’s are not expected to be very talented. You need to know how the lunacy aspect works in this profession. Learn to twist your body in every angle,no better example than Baba Ram Dev for this. (No offence, but I don’t give a damn about him). Else sit under a tree for years, you will be a “tree baba”. If you always felt the need to expose, be a “Naked Baba”. Else break your teeth and be a “Teeth broke baba”.You need to have some form of insanity within you or if your plain normal then start being abnormal. Your insanity will be considered as a spiritual guidance given by almighty lords.
• All Carnal Desires fulfilled: You will have a lavish palace to live (even though in public you have to say you sleep on the floor) but they don’t need to know the truth always. lying is an art, you need to learn that in this line.You can eat whatever you want but not in the eye of public. But no you cannot sleep with whom so ever you want. See here comes the glitch. You don’t want bad publicity and you don’t want to go to jail and do baba giri there, unnecessary expense of lawyers and a severe damage to your image. So if you need to be a baba forget about all Indians. They are your brothers and sisters.You cannot sow your spiritual oats in this country. For that the outside world has ample meat. Go out there, have a long vacation every once in a while and have all the pleasures there. Else the media will crucify you and fry your balls with a smirk on their faces. Small sacrifices have to be made in every profession so accept it and move on. Learn from the mistakes of all the previous baba’s like Swami Nithyananda so go outside and have fun. Even our erstwhile guru’s had brain’s to have affairs quietly so even you should utilize the stuff lying dead in your skull.
• Power, Money and Respect: You will have all the power on your followers, you will tell them to eat shit and they will gladly eat shit. You can empty their pockets as much as you want. And since they no longer respect themselves they will give all respect to you. Its a profession which has quite an amazing power over the masses. So be manipulative and utilize this power. You need to be evil to know what is good. So be the GOD for them.
• Fame: Every darn media channel will follow you. If you did achieve to maintain your image for quite a few years. you can even open your own personnel channel and publicize your name all across the world. Go with a long term plan. You did fail in everything else. So use a strategic approach in this one at least. All the reporters will hang on each and every word of yours like bees to a hive. Mama and Papa will be so proud of you and even all your relatives will give your “misaal” to your other loser cousins. But please keep your Ex’s away. Even they will harp on this publicity so pay them money quietly and tell them to stay away. After all you do have power and you live in a democratic country and you can easily destroy anyone since you have the money.

In the end, no offence to any baba’s or any other people I mentioned (as if I care) but do have your insanity intact and you will definitely succeed.

I’ll leave you with this cartoon I chanced upon:

The Corporate Lessons

I always thought why people hate going to office, when they don’t mind going back to college. I was ignorant and dumb, and was waiting to start working like all impatient college goers, who have no reason to do so except that they are perpetually broke. I always used to visualise myself shopping more and more when I start working, rather than the actual work itself.

My “dream” came true finally and I started working about 2 years ago. Yes I know its a tad bit late to write this post. Believe me Monday mornings are for moaning!! So here are the corporate lessons I learnt….

1. Before you leap into the corporate asylum, especially if you are joining an MNC, remember this! The only time you’ll ever need the word ‘escalate’ in your vocabulary is when you go to malls and wanna get your lazy ass on to the next floor,  but once in office, you have to use this word more than 50 times a day. Keep saying, ” You have a problem, You escalate” (though nothing much happens )

2. In college, you come late, you go for a movie, anyway no point in going to class late. There are no fixed timings in office. You come late, you go home late or you don’t go home at all. They don’t mind keeping you there.

3. Did you wash your hair and come to office in a hurry? No time to blow dry? Don’t you worry, there is always the hand dryer in the office restroom. It can also be used to dry the hair, why not?

4. In college, you have to beg your principal to let you have a college fest, beg some more to let you have a DJ, and fall on his feet for funds. In office, they have to beg you to attend a fest, beg some more for you to dance and funds, yeah rite, as if you are bothered!

5. You may think how there can be so much anarchy in our country, but you wont feel so bad once you witness “mis-management” at the grassroots level

6. In college, you hate eating at home even if the canteen food is disgusting, you prefer to go there. In office, even if the food court stuff is palatable, you prefer eating from your ‘dabba’ or in some worse restaurant nearby, but not the food court, ever!!

7. If you thought helping someone was a nice thing. Try helping someone once in the corporate jungle n ul be proved wrong! It’s like putting a coin in a bowl when children beg. you drop one coin and ul have 10 bowls right outside your car window in every signal!

8.  In college, you have to open all the windows of your classroom for a whiff of air to come in, sometimes you have to stick a piece of paper in the fan regulator for it to even start moving at 5rpm. In office, you have to tel the AC maintenance guy to increase the temperature, b’cos it is so damn cold.

9. Didn’t you  hate computer games before, you won’t anymore. You love them, they are good for you! Especially Solitaire, minesweeper and flash games!

10. In college, if you copy in exams, they debar you for 2 yrs. In office, if you don’t copy( and paste, of course), you don’t get anywhere.

11.  Learn to make a face that to outsiders looks like I’m really interested but inside I’m in a deep slumber.

12. In college, you get bored at home and will be dying to go back to college to see what new stories are happening in class. In office, obviously you get bored and you will be dying to go home and see what’s cooking for dinner

13. Learn to talk about font sizes, styles and page layouts as if you are talking about the Kashmir issue/ Maoist insurgency. Practice in front of the mirror. The more sombre your face is, better the effect.

14. ALWAYS act a lil dumb or stupid in front of the boss. Do not overdo it,but do it! It makes the boss more superior even if he is not!

15. In college, you were screwed if you didnt submit your assignment on time. Never submit the document on or before deadline at work! It shows you have nothing else to do!!!!!

Okay thats all for now, If you need some more such tips, ask your brother or sister or uncle or aunt or neighbor, in short any inmate of the corporate jungle. They’ll be glad to share, I’m sure

Anyway, the point is I don’t know why I was dying to start working!!!!N guess what?! I don’t even like shopping now!

First day at work-On joining work

After breaking a coconut at the Ganpati temple, Ramesh rushed to his new office. He could barely contain his excitement! He was to begin work at his new company! When he reported to the new boss, he was asked to wait in the reception area; after a seemingly interminable wait, Ramesh saw his boss fling open the door and walk past in a tearing hurry. As he passed, he threw a glance at the new recruit and said, “please wait, someone will show you to your desk,” and hurried on. By now Ramesh had waited for nearly an hour and a half. By and by, a lady walked up to him and said gruffly, “you must be the new person in Exports; come with me”. She proceeded to lead him briskly through the corridor and into a work area. Looking around, Ramesh saw a sea of unfamiliar faces, apparently immersed in work. But as he tagged along behind the lady he could feel curious looks pursue him. Are they hostile or am I imagining things, he wondered. The lady stopped abruptly and said, “this is your work station. You’ll find keys to the desk in the drawer”. And with that, she turned on her heels and walked away. The people around him did not even acknowledge his presence. As Ramesh sank into his new chair, so did his hopes.

While Ramesh’s experience on his first day is an exaggerated example, I suspect that in many organizations, it is not too far from reality! New recruits need to be cared for in a special way until they find their bearings; otherwise, they are well on their way to indifferent job performance and eventual exit in quick time. Look at it this way: every new recruit is generally highly enthusiastic, eager to learn and motivated when she joins a new company. Have you ever heard of a demotivated new recruit reporting for work on the first day? But as time elapses, she slides down the motivational graph. A combination of callous HR practices, lack of training and clarity in roles, responsibilities and performance objectives vitiated by an atmosphere of indifference combines to erode the person’s motivation rapidly. If you plot a person’s motivational level from Day One in the organization, don’t at all be surprised if you find the graph sloping downward from left to right! Allowing the new recruit to slide down the motivational graph is an unconscionably costly exercise for any organization. Motivation is undoubtedly the major determinant of job performance. Therefore, it holds the key to productivity; and it is productivity that ensures profitability and survival. So, to prevent the new recruit motivational slide syndrome it is vital to incorporate the following nuanced sequence: orientation and induction, job and expected performance description (written Role, Responsibility, Objectives and Standards), training and information on rules, benefits and organizational structure and culture. To ensure regular feedback, periodic performance reviews are absolutely essential. And, to enable the new recruit to feel a modicum of security, an internal mentor can be designated.

Tip: A new recruit is like a tender new bud in a flowerbed; as a gardener, constantly tend to the bud with patience and care. Then you’ll see the bud blossom into a beautiful flower! If the buds don’t blossom, perhaps its time weed out the gardener!

>waiting for the end?

>

All of us struggle and strive for the end, for that moment when you know you have achieved whatever you wanted and can settle down into a cozy shell coz u have everything u need!

Ya–I agree tht we always look for an end tht too a rosy one– for every task we start with!

When I ws in school, I always thought my education ll end after I pass my boards.

when I got an Alumni Title–struggle even increased.Firstly,Because my conception about life after school proved to be a myth and secondly, I got to realise that there is something called ‘career’ which is to be made,before that rosy end is met. So i struggled and put in hours of hard work(read:hours of cut copy pasting assignments) and finally after 5 long years bec

ame a Post Graduate. Life seemed beautiful, after I got that

degree..and for the first time, I got a feel of acheiving something..out of my efforts.

Since,every good thing has got to end..my life seemed tougher, when I found there is something like ‘money’ which is the ultimate goal (:-)–my struggle began –I managed to get a job–I was happy, because I was nearer to my rosy end–I found that I was still struggling for fame–promotions– transitions–but this time my opponent was the person, I daily faced in the mirror–The end didnt exist!! I was getting submissive day by day.. struggle got my frustation levels higher…

I almost concluded that frustation is the end…Till I found a loop to get over– I reasoned everything–
I found there is a reason for everything and to be a winner..I should never lose the reason for certain things.

why cant struggle be the start for every good thing rather than being the way??
why cant I use the rules to make my life easier rather allowing them making me submissive?????
Why cant I decide the end rather than waiting for the time to decide it for me???

I tried it–I assured my acts never violate the rules..that became a checkpoint for me..which would have been a breakpoint, if I would’nt have realised it!!
–you might very well be aware of the quote tht u need to be in the system to change it–and believe me its fun struggling with the constraints to resolve the constraints!!

aaaah the never ending vicious circle called life!