It is only a step from boredom to disillusionment, which leads naturally to self pity, which in turn ends in chaos. I’ve always lived my life with background music. Ya really! When things happen I have always heard violins or drums! As a kid, my life was like a Disney movie, or an Enid Blyton book. It was not so because of the people that made my life fairy tale like, it was only because I made myself believe in magic and dreams. There was always magic just around the corner, the mean and snobby girl in school always learnt her lesson and I used to have my circle of friends n we used to go around looking for treasures, always ending up in trouble. I used to dream that I was a lost princess (okie this was because my brother convinced me that I was found in a basket floating in one of the canals nearby, and maybe, that my parents were ‘hiding the secret of my birth’ and that one day, the wonders of my true identity would be revealed to me. I also played Princess Aurora from sleeping beauty in the annual school play
No I don’t suffer from Schizophrenia. No, life wasn’t smooth. People were blunt and rude. All along I have had people telling me my dreams were rubbish and that fairy tales aren’t true etc.There were so many times, when all the castles came crashing down, stone foundations included. But I persisted, almost stubbornly, in believing that every dream wasn’t just a ‘dream’. But the world teaches ‘nerds’ with rose tinted glasses hard lessons. My first harsh fall was the discovery that fairy tales were just fantasies. When my dad told me, afraid that I’d be ridiculed in school, I cried. But later, with child-like faith, I convinced myself that he was just bowing to pressure of the world, and that I would be strong and continue in my belief. I would be the one faithful. The one foolish faithful, it was more like.
When people were unkind, I almost willed myself to believe that they had reasons. Troubled childhoods, trauma, my foolishnesses were all reasons for their unkindness. And it wasn’t that I wasn’t confident. In fact I was and still am a confident extrovert. Maybe that’s why all my castles could be attacked. I suppose, if you talk a lot, you are bound to expose your thoughts. I trust people very easily too. People I trusted with everything have let me down a number of times.But I suppose it was this same trust and openness that allowed me to rebuild the castles that were torn down. I envied girls who were quiet and shy. Sometimes I really wished I was the same.
I believe that everyone has a child in them who is alive until we all die. We all in someway or the other still relate to childhood stories, fantasies and dreams. We get a lot of courage from those believes and dreams formed in those early years. It’s hard to believe but think awhile and you’ll know its true.
P.S- I am not being mad like my name suggests, but I still think my Prince Charming would come in a pumpkin chariot driven by white horses and take me away:)
To tropical gardens and silvery skies,
To a castle with smiles, all pink in a cloud,
Where joy is the language and laughter the sound,
And pain is unheard of and hate is not found.
And i tell myself, grow up!
- I Believe in Fairy-tales (namicouture.wordpress.com)