Believe

I know who you are, what you do and where you live. I know how many friends you have and how many of them actually mean to you. I am aware of the fact that you love your family even though you don’t show it much. I know whom you hate and the people you wish you could slap. I know all your secrets, the deepest and the darkest. I know to whom you disclosed that confidential information when you got tired and blurted it out. I know why you said it. I am familiar with what you said, and why you said. I am familiar with what you will say. I see what you’ll go through and how much you will suffer. I know which of your dreams will be shattered and which of these will b yours to keep. I can tell you who you’ll loose when but i will only tell you when the time comes. I know what makes you tired and where you wish to go on vacations. I have knowledge about the people you betray and what you lie about. I know what clothes you’ll wear on which occasion and your favourite dessert. I can tell what you believe in and what you are unsure about. I can distinguish between your rights and wrongs. I know your future, your past and all about your present. I am well aware of you and your deeds and yet you hardly remember me.

I make you; your life, your deeds, your thoughts. I want you to stop running away from me. I want you to ask me for help, i want you to believe that you’ll achieve anything which is rightfully yours. I want you to be happy and still be aware of the things that might hurt you. I want you to believe, in yourself.

Good Luck to you.

Miss Understand!

You don’t understand.

No. Really you dnt
Most people will listen to you. They will nod sympathetically. And then they will say those two comforting heartfelt words: “I understand”. No shit!

Don’t get me wrong… I’m actually very grateful that you listened patiently, grateful for your sympathy, grateful that you simply didn’t run away while pulling your hair out after I narrated my saga… But you don’t understand. Everyone says it of course, including me, and I’m sure I’ll continue to do so. But you simply do NOT understand.

It may be your best friend; it may be your sibling; it may be your love. But they will not understand unless they are in exactly the same situation you are in. Placing yourself in someone else’s shoes does not work. You have to have a pair of that exact same broken in and worn out shoes of your very own. Sometimes even an absolute stranger or an enemy may understand better than your loved ones just because he/she has been through the SAME situation.

It’s simple. Suppose I have a problem. Let’s hypothetically say that my problem is that of a horrifying relationship which is making my life hell and not giving me any peace of mind, so much so that I have to resort to blah-ing to my friends about her and ranting about it on my blog. Now you can’t always seethe about itto someone who is in an amazing, out of the world relationship. Because that person will not really understand. They might sympathise, sure. But they will be thinking “My situation is so different. Man I’m lucky to have such a sweet love.” (Sympathetic nod and pat on shoulder) “How can she be feeling this way? Maybe she just doesn’t appreciate her relationship” (Aww you poor thing… he did that??? Tsk tsk…)“Hmmm…I wonder what ,my love will do to surprise me today…..”

Lame example but you get the picture. And there’s nothing wrong with it as such. It’s human nature. But find another with the same problem as you have and there you have a kindred spirit and there you have a person you can REALLY talk to. You can narrate and discuss and bitch freely without bothering that the other person will be horrified at what you say. Without wondering if you are the one in the wrong. Only here can you truly let your feelings out. Even if it’s an absolute stranger you’re talking to. And if this person happens to be your best friend/close confidante, so much the better for you. Not that I would wish all my problems on my best friend of course….

It’s happened to me. Having a friend you can talk to about anything and everything in the world except for a couple of topics which I could produce a tirade on for hours. And it was infuriating, having to hold that stuff in. I’ve found an outlet. Phew.

You know who  you are…thank you for being the sunshine(well rain, really coz I love rain to sun ) in my life..

What about you?What’s up!?

Disclaimer: I am in a pensive mood. Carry on reading if you don’t mind.

When have work you don’t want to do, when you’re too busy to have fun, when you’re somehow free and find that everyone else you want to be with is busy, when you do have fun despite the work and then feel guilty and rushed, you feel sick of it all. Office gets to you; the hustle, the work, the seriousness of it all, the constant reminder that everything you do, every task and every ,meeting, will affect your future and make you feel a sense of foreboding, this place definitely gets to you. When you’re forced to be nice to people you don’t like, when people you do like irritate you, when you see too much of people that it makes you just want to take a break from your very existence… Where do you go? To whom do you turn? When you feel like doing nothing but sleep and be by yourself but even that’s not fun anymore, you just sigh and wonder what on earth is happening to you, when you don’t want to talk to people, and think that people are just trying to make your life miserable…. What do you do?

Me? I just want a world that has a comfortable bed and air conditioning. And unlimited chocolate and music. And a huge library.

I generally do that. Yes at office I have to be the person I am supposed to be. But home, thats my shell. The one I love to retreat into. No disturbances. No expectations from anyone, no one to please, noone to criticise and absolutely no body to disturb. No one would make you work, no one would impose their company on you, and no one would make you feel like you’re imposing your company on them, people you love wouldn’t get on your nerves, and you wouldn’t get on theirs, and you could just get away from it all. FROM IT ALL! And that is what’s up. My high!

How about you? What’s up??

Rain- A love hate relationship.

Hearing the sound of the drizzling rain and the smell of the wet sand made her leave her chair and walk outside to the balcony. The rains reflecting her mood. The rain always stood for different kind of memories and feelings for her. She didn’t really like rains from her childhood. It always gave some kind of wierd feeling. But she enjoyed the rain like everyone else. Loved to watch the sky open up, but still rains always made her wobbly and unsure and it made her lose her sense and that was why she never cherished rain even though she always wanted to.

And today, watching it pour she realized why she and the rain always had this love-hate relationship. It was this rain which had brought love to her and in such ways left her stranded with lots of memories which she hated to remember but they were and will forever be a part of the past which still makes her heart and stomach churn.

Watching the rains she remembered the last monsoon. Happy times.Rains had given her memories of the first touch, the first rain dance, the first romance and the first liveliness. The drizzle of the droplets had given a spark to her life which made her alive and lively…….but today remembering those moments she realized how much the rain and the memories made fun of her.
These memories still haunt her and jolts her with a sense of hate at her disillusioned belief but still the love-hate relationship with rain doesn’t end in a hate-hate relationship. It,s more of love than hate.

All pretty, small and together

They laugh, they dance then wither

Singing a song, they mingle along

Disappearing back to where they belong

Sometimes sorrow, sometimes tears, sometimes anger, sometimes frustration.

Sometimes love, sometimes joy, sometimes bliss, sometimes magical, sometimes dreams.

Sometimes courage, sometimes strength, sometimes fear and sometimes memories.

Rain….A million drops, a million emotions.

Mixed Emotions

When I start writing this the only thing that is hovered over my mind is that I am just being sheer nostalgic. I don’t really know how far would I go writing this but all I know is that I have this urge to pour out all what I feel at this moment somewhere for I know I cant talk to anyone about it. Not that I have isloated myself or something but sometimes the things that amuse me, happiness that I find in a minute situtaion might not be the very same for the opposite person. Why do I make them waste their hearing abilities in giving a ear to all the stuff which means zilch to them. But writing in here I know somewhere there might be a single soul who would at least figure themselves in my shoes. I know too very melodramatic, but I can be this way sometimes.

All what I say, write or do, depends on my mood. And it fluctuates terribly. I might be in a different mood, and when the pendulum is back to its starting point of oscillation, you find me different. My motive of writing this hasn’t been certain enough. I had no idea that I’ll end up writing here, for when I start, I think I am not a good writer, maintaining a blog isn’t something I should be doing. I really don’t know what I should be doing. I can talk, talk for hours, talk things of which someone would have never thought I have knowledge about. But sometimes there is this part in me which doesn’t know what to talk. Doesn’t have words to frame a sentence to thank someone who made me feel so special that my skull goes in a hypothetical coma. Puts me in a situation where I am all choked and all I know is that I want to convey what I actually feel but I cant. It is something like this that happened to me. The things he had said, produced this new kind of feeling  within me which had never been sensed by me. Pride, I christened it. To be someone tiny in his life. That he is someone who plays an important role in my life, for what I am is a part of all the tiny things he thought me. For he is that part of my Alma Matter, that would never be forgotten, and will always be cherished. I know it is something I should be happy about, I should talk to. But the only person I always discussed this with seems to get a feeling that I am not a part of the aura that should surround him, so that hurts.

I knew I would not come real far with this. Mixed Emotions and me, synonymous as always!