The Other M

THe workplace doesnt seem like the old place anymore. Not with you missing. I still see the same people every morning, still smile at all of them but you aren’t around so I cant give my special smile. We were college mates( at least for a year) and never knew of each others existence! We have met at countless instances and still not been aware of each other. Its weird. Its funny how we became such thick friends in just a year. Not saying much. Just that I miss you.

The pulling each others’ legs o’er each thing small or big,

The lifting up spirits when one is down,

The going together for a nibble or a loo break

& trying to wipe off each others’ frown.

The begging for treats on every occasion,

The planning to go to the gym or was it swimming or both?

The “detailed discussions” of the future,

All the while sitting around in the sauna!!

The notions to do something different,

The super bitching sessions about the boss n office

The decisions to watch a movie or not to,

The unlimited hours of gossip,

The kind words of encouragement.

The long talks over the walks n workouts

ALL the messages

All these things–& more,

May seem to last just a while.

But the moments are PRICELESS,

Addicted

Happiness is addictive. Or so I like to believe. I think its also contagious. Like if people around you are happy, then maybe you become happy too.  So right now I am happy and am on the road to becoming happiest pretty soon. I  am happy and most of the people around me are also happy. Ok I am using the word happy one too many times. I gotta tell you things that are nice to hear and probably the reasons why I am so elated..

…..Mangu(The other M) is getting married in ten days and am super excited for her. Them.

…..Div is carrying and is due in November.

……Captain n Anju are also tying the knot soon. Babs and nandu are getting engaged in September. And so is another friend, Manu.

……All of us together will be starting our wedding shopping soon, hopefully.

……Das is happy because I am smiling all the time and singing and dancing all over the house.

……I am excited coz my own room might just be turing into a reality pretty soon.

……I’ll finally be meeting Deeps after a gap of 6 years!

……Joeeey is back in town and suddenly there seems to be a lot of things to do here!

……I have officially resigned and am looking forward to enjoying the Monsoon with loads of cups of hot piping tea. Finally.

……I start wedding shopping soon. Shopping! Such bliss and contentment.

……Old friends. New Friends. Reunions and more.

……A friend i thought I might never see for a long time is coming for M’s wedding. Or so I hear.

……I have begun to work out again and am feeling good about it.

……And then last but not least, except Whats App everything else that makes me happy is free! Hugs, inside jokes, friends, kisses, long walks, sleep, laughter, family and good memories.

P.S- I am addicted to happiness! Please touch wood.

Not(e) in the mood- 21

When you’re little, night time is scary, because you think there are monsters, ghosts and demons hiding right under the bed. When you get older, the monsters are different. Self doubt… friendships taken for granted…..heart breaks…loneliness… anger….regret. And though you may be older and wiser, you still find yourself scared of the dark. When I am usually in such a state. I try to sleep. It’s the easiest thing to do. You just have to close your eyes.

However, for so many of us, sleep seems out of our grasp. We want it, but we don’t know how to get it. But once we face our demons, face our fears, and turn to each other for help, night time may not be  so scary, because we realize we aren’t all alone in the dark.We enter the world alone, and we leave it alone. And everything that happens in between, we owe it to ourselves to find a little company. We need help. We need support. Otherwise, we’re in it by ourselves. Strangers, cut off from each other, and we forget… just how connected we all are. So instead, we choose love, we choose life, and for a moment, we feel just a little bit less alone.

 

Not(e) in the mood- 20

It’s a little bit horrifying just how quickly everything can fall to crap. You are thick friends on one day and then in a moment it all changes. Sometimes it takes a huge loss to remind you of who you care about the most. Sometimes you find yourself becoming stronger as a result; wiser, better equipped to deal with the next disaster that comes along. Sometimes, but not always.So when exactly do you decide to give up trying? Admit that a lost cause is sometimes just that? There comes a point when it all becomes too much. When we get too tired to fight anymore. So we give up. That’s when the real work begins. To find hope where there seems to be absolutely none at all. And lets all just remember this always, nobody chooses to be a freak, to commit mistakes. Most people don’t realize they’re a freak and have committed a heinous crime until it’s way too late to change it. No matter how much of a freak you end up being, chances are there’s still someone out there for you. Unless of course, they’ve already moved on. There is also a chance that you fight for the relation to work and you realise that you are the only one who seems to want it to work and then you give it all up. Because when it comes to time and relationships, even freaks can’t wait forever.

Of Friends and more

As you know, my life’s changing! Too many things to do in a day and very less time!  Last night I was noticing how I haven’t talked with my girl friends for so long. Then I got to thinking, maybe I didn’t have as many girl friends as I thought. Where have all my girl friends gone? Why are they missing when am taking that big leap?

I understand that the world doesnt stand still. I get it that everyone has a life. Priorities change and so do people. People go to work, get married, start families etc but is it actually right to make that an excuse to not spend time with friends who were there when you were down in the dumps? Do friends come to us according to our needs? When we need them? Or do we cultivate them so that they can be there when we need them? If we cultivate our friends and invest in them, then why do so many friendships break up even after years of being friends whereas new friends seem closer to you than family?

It’s a strange universe of fickle friendships. At one point I felt I had so many friends that I could barely keep up with them. People who I could have coffee with, friends who would come home and sit for hours, friends who would drive for hours just to spend time together, movie friends, shopping friends, happy friends, sad friends etc..

Then suddenly the world changed. Friends moved on. New people came into my life. They weren’t  exactly what i;d call friends. Old friends found new friends. I wondered if I had “invested” enough? Hadn’t I done what was needed to rely on them? Or was it another expectation from life that was being tested for me to understand that one cannot have ANY expectation. That maybe “friends” are like the weather. You can’t predict when they’ll be sunny and when they’ll be moody.

My father though seems to have several  friends from work, from the football playing boy gang that he and my uncles shared and even friends from 40 years ago!! Is he doing something different that our generation hasn’t understood? We have come into an era where friends are there according to what we need from them. So friends from work will be thick since they share common environments, moms with kids will bond since they have a common topic to speak about, and women in gym classes will bond  because of their mutual suffering. And married women will crib over their husbands and this bonds them as friends. We are all aware that these relationships might not last forever. But we also know that we grow as individuals and it’s probably for the best to have some friendships dissolve.

There is no need nowadays to “invest” for the long term. We all don’t have time to give so much of ourselves. With extremely busy lives, we’re just happy to have a few hours with people who are free at that time. That constitutes friendship nowadays. Or so I think.

Can we count the number of friends who have known us for more than ten years and we still rely on? Probably on our left hand. Out of those, can we say we still have something in common with them? The number becomes less. But when you’re sure of that number, those are the people who will attend everything that’s important to you no matter how difficult it is or how busy they are, those are the people who will love you even if you change and become completely different from them. That number will always stick. And that friendship will be far more important than any family you’ve ever had. Its alright that I have just a few of those in my life but really, thank god for them!

The world is opening up so many social platforms for us to make friends. The truth is we are all still alone.

Not(e) in the mood-16

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”

This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you’re going to mess up sometimes, it’s a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you’re going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends – they’ll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything – they’re your true best friends. Don’t let go of them. As for love, it will come and go too and most of them – actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can’t give up because if you give up, you’ll never find your soul mate. You’ll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you’re gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.

 

I believe in angels

Ahem Ahem; Try humming “I have a dream” while reading this one

People who know me would  know that I had a double fall on Saturday. As in, I fell twice on the same day. I was hurt. Less physically and more mentally. It was a weird feeling. I felt lost, scared, lonely, etc etc. I woke up on Sunday with a feeling of absolute despondency. I switched off my phone, shut my laptop and remained oblivious to the world. I am not sure why I did that but…I did it.

S and M with Lil drove down 50 km just to check on me. I wasn’t replying to their messages and they weren’t sure how I was so they actually drove down without giving it a second thought(Oh well, they may have thought but does that  really matter?! They came!!). Now that did bring about a strange sort of satisfaction, the kind you experience when someone thinks of u as an important part of their life. Even weirder was the fact that I had never done anything for them that would’ve made them reciprocate this way!!

And then yesterday, I met Joey who was ranting about me to her husband. I never thought she’d rememebr so much about our past. She kept telling him about what we used to do when we were kids and how I had helped her and how close we used to be and how much fun we used to have. We spoke about old times and only then i realised how a small thing said can make such a significance in a persons life. She told me that the way she looked at it, I was her angel. More than she being happy, i was happy, happy that atleast i’d been of help to someone , someone who valued the little assurance i’d given in such a a big way.

I have begun to believe that in life, we all have such “angels” in the form of friends, who keep helping us spread our wings , helping us learn to fly n  helping us to be angels for someone else. It may not be a single person all through your life but at every struggle n every obstacle there will be an angel that is a god sent. A friend that will help you get through it all.

As I walked back home last night, I realised that sometimes we become angels n we don’t even know it!