Settling Down :)

Everyone I know are either getting married or going abroad to do further studies. 

When I tell people I don’t wanna do it, they look at me like a retard. It got me thinking, “Am I one?” Maybe I am. or maybe not. Maybe everyone else is crazy. These people are just half of the crowd I know. The rest of them are scurrying to find the perfect groom. Both of them are in the pursuit of “settling down”.

Can anyone ever settle down in life? I don’t think its possible, but ask yourself, how many people have thrown that phrase at you at the drop of a hat?. I’m sure your fingers and toes collectively are not enough to count.

Just when I am about to gobble the gulab jamoon on my plate at some stupid wedding reception one of the afore mentioned crowd ,there appears an aunty out of thin air. With a cheesy wink, she asks, “So next is yours.” I smile sheepishly wishing, “Oh! if only cold-blooded murder were legal in this country”. He keeps staring, then I say, “Whats the hurry , I’m still a kid”. Stupid me, its exactly the type of answers such aunties and uncles are waiting for. She retorts, “When will you “settle down” ? Look at your cousin, she is younger than you and happily married”
What does he mean settle down?? Am I some squatter? I live in a house just like them. Do people live in some underground establishment after marriage? ‘Cos I know only one “down” and thats where I am right now!

Coming back to the other half. An irritating “friend” pokes you on facebook. This is the conversation that ensues
He/She:”Hey whats up?!”
Me:”Nothing much, you tell”
He/she:”Nothing just chilling here (“Here” refers to Chicago/CA/wherever on the northern hemisphere).. So what r ur plans?”
Me:”For the weekend?”
He/She:”No yaar, in life? I mean, marriage or professional course?”
Me: “I don’t wanna do both”
He/She: “What?!!! But why??”
Me: “I’m fine this way”
He/She: “Are you happy with that package? Don’t you wanna settle down rich and happy?”

Time to log out  

Anyway, the point is people NEVER settle down. If they are married, they’ll start thinking ’bout kids, if they’ve kids, they start thinking ’bout their scools, school over? college, college over? then their marriage!!
For the others who do their professionaldegrees, if they are in India, they wanna go to US, if they’ve an AM’s post, they vie for the Manager’s, if they become the manager they’ll want to get married!
It never stops
I wanna tell all those people
“I will not settle down!
This is life.
Its a vicious circle,
The circle of life, The end is death,
You can’t settle down when you are alive,
If you wanna settle down, then just die,
you will be made to “settle down”, whether you like it or not!
Face it!”

I’d love to see the look on their faces 

Adaptation

Remember when we learnt about solid,liquid and gas. Thats when I learnt about a particular property of water…in standard two. It takes the color of the thing it’s mixed in and it takes the shape of the container that holds it…. Very mundane, very simple and very commonsensical isn’t it…. And imbibing this very property makes life slightly complex, if not entirely complicated….

This property of water is nothing but one quality that I can safely say, is common to everyone “living”: Adaptatio. Prnoven beyond doubt by Darwin’s theory of evolution and tested easily when you changed a bit of yourself to get accepted into a group. We have thus, evolved and adapted in varying degrees to become what we are today…. The level of adaptations could range from linguistics adaptation (where you use the slang that group uses often) to behavioral (where you tend to alter your behavior to give “acceptable” reactions to certain events.)Every group you were a part of throughout your life would have been distinctly different from each other…. And as a result, you would have modified yourself over and over again.

Some people weed out the unwanted qualities through these adaptations and become better individuals while others go to an extreme and become clones of the most influential person in the vicinity completely losing themselves…. The net result is that there are many aspects – which are not completely you – that now form a part of your personality- The new you!

At this point, I wouldn’t dare generalize but just talk about how I have adapted in due course of time (may be some people identify with it). During the first few years of schooling, I was with this guy, y very own dear brother who was creatively “gifted”! While I did have some potential, my association with him made my “music” good.  Not stopping there, I went on to take my talent serious and learnt music for 14 years… During the later years at school, my gang was heavily into sports,volleyball and basketball. Net result, I was a part of both the teams . At this point I wonder, had my group been the studious, teachers’ pets kinds or the culturally inclined kinds – would I have done these things? Is me becoming good in music and sports – intentional or associational?

During graduation, my group was this simple living, high thinking sort of a group. It was with them that I was exposed to giving back to the society bit and I started doing volunteering work. Well yes there were bouts of shopping sprees etc. But you gotta admit that was part of growing up. College was primarily about writing (again my group had elements very active in it) ,reading (my beat friend was an English graduate and I became a voracious reader) and cooking (very good friends who were amateurs themselvesbut great at experimenting. )SO, after 3 years when I graduated, I was a tomboy who was not literally challenged and a decent conversationalist . My final year roommates were avid photographers and I learnt the basics from them. I must admit I am good now!!Ms. A, I must thank you for the little knowledge you shared with me now and then…I know aperture, shutter speed,lenses etc

RSOM came and I was placed with the CROWD as everyone puts it. With such high standards, came a serious jolt to my personality as well. I became intensely competitive (everyone was just so good, that becoming better needed constant reminding), was prey to the hunger to make my mark… But the most prominent was becoming immensely practical bordering on callousness about things. My dear and near are still bearing the brunt of this change…

As I write this today, I am reminded of this conversation with a very old friend. She asked me for some advice and when I proffered she exclaimed, “What kind of advice is this? The mad I know would have never said something like this”.

I was forced to think that while I have adapted every time to find myself in this “grey” zone (sort of acceptable to all), is it the case that I have lost my “blacks” and “whites” (the core which defined me). Is it that in process of weeding out and becoming better, I have just lost what “Mad would have said/done”?

Is it fear or is it not knowing yourself??

>waiting for the end?

>

All of us struggle and strive for the end, for that moment when you know you have achieved whatever you wanted and can settle down into a cozy shell coz u have everything u need!

Ya–I agree tht we always look for an end tht too a rosy one– for every task we start with!

When I ws in school, I always thought my education ll end after I pass my boards.

when I got an Alumni Title–struggle even increased.Firstly,Because my conception about life after school proved to be a myth and secondly, I got to realise that there is something called ‘career’ which is to be made,before that rosy end is met. So i struggled and put in hours of hard work(read:hours of cut copy pasting assignments) and finally after 5 long years bec

ame a Post Graduate. Life seemed beautiful, after I got that

degree..and for the first time, I got a feel of acheiving something..out of my efforts.

Since,every good thing has got to end..my life seemed tougher, when I found there is something like ‘money’ which is the ultimate goal (:-)–my struggle began –I managed to get a job–I was happy, because I was nearer to my rosy end–I found that I was still struggling for fame–promotions– transitions–but this time my opponent was the person, I daily faced in the mirror–The end didnt exist!! I was getting submissive day by day.. struggle got my frustation levels higher…

I almost concluded that frustation is the end…Till I found a loop to get over– I reasoned everything–
I found there is a reason for everything and to be a winner..I should never lose the reason for certain things.

why cant struggle be the start for every good thing rather than being the way??
why cant I use the rules to make my life easier rather allowing them making me submissive?????
Why cant I decide the end rather than waiting for the time to decide it for me???

I tried it–I assured my acts never violate the rules..that became a checkpoint for me..which would have been a breakpoint, if I would’nt have realised it!!
–you might very well be aware of the quote tht u need to be in the system to change it–and believe me its fun struggling with the constraints to resolve the constraints!!

aaaah the never ending vicious circle called life!