A better generation

Recently, I was out with my cousins to a restaurant when something caught my attention. A mother was engrossed in a conversation with a group of people. Her daughter kept pulling at her shawl, asking her something. The mother would keep brushing her off, too caught up in the conversation. Ultimately, the child lost her energy and went to a corner of the room and sat quietly. The mother may not have realized it but the child was so obviously craving for her attention. And how disappointed she was when she didn’t get it.

Children are so innocent. We’ve all been told this but have we really realized the implications of their innocence? They’re like a clean blackboard. What they grow up into is a result of what we, as adults, write on those blackboards.

I have friends who are parents and I have seen the difference between children of working parents and  children who have atleast one parent at home. I have observed that children who have been bought up by aayas or maids or just grandparents have this strange insecurity and attention seeking issues.  These children do just about anything to get a little attention from parents and these children grow up into adults who are insecure about people, relationships and begin to do really weird things just to get attention. The slightest dent on their emotional side could make them lose their confidence and so on. On the other hand, children who have been bought up basking in attention by parents grow up to be confident, secure and bold individuals. They know to get what they want and does not need any motivation or boost of confidence.

Now let’s come to our education system. It’s based on rote learning and not on analysis. As a student, I was weak in Mathematics. Before I could wrap my mind around a concept the teacher would move on to the next point and I was lost. After a while I would give up trying to understand. I’d think to myself that I’d go home and work it out myself. But of course, this was too difficult for me. And I never had the courage to raise my hand or go to the teacher after class and ask her to explain it to me.

Are children of today also facing this difficulty?

As a society, our education system encourages rote learning. I remember mugging chapters of History for my 10th boards – the independence movement, the partition of the country, the constitution of India. But did I really think about all those events? Did I wonder why Gandhi’s strategy of non-violence worked so well in India? Did I empathise with Lord Mountbatten’s herculean task of smoothly transitioning power from Britain to India?

We need to teach the children of today how to think and behave. We need to spend time with them, play with them, listen to them and make them understand how to treat one another with respect. Parents need to imbibe the qualities of honesty, respect and patience in children at a young age. Boys need to be taught to treat girls with respect, they need to be told to protect themselves as well as the girls, they need to be taught the value of money, the sense of equality, the importance of education etc. At the same time, girls need to be taught to protect themselves, react to anything that they dont feel comfotable about, value of money,patience and most importantly education.

I think its time we took a stand to make our next generation a little more armed in terms of personal security and lets tell them to react and say no when you have to and to treat each other as equals and with respect. Lets teach them qualities that would nurture them as good human beings. Lets listen to them and spend time with them for a change.I think that would make the whole difference.

I, Me, Myself

Good Afternoon people! It is a Wednesday afternoon and I think most people I can see from where I sit are in a cranky mood! Soo I was away with family for some family bonding giving  each other solace n all that and I am going to be on and off in writing till the new year. Not that I have lots of things to do but I need to get some time to myself and do some me time before the new year begins and so I will be on a wavy mood(high and low) !

It irks me. The being pulled out of the comfy zone I mean.It’s like being pulled out of a cocoon. It always feels terrible to get out of one’s comfort zone. But as everyone knows, you can’t achieve anything unless you get out of it. Change of phases always bring me a great discomfort. Eventually, I do end up liking them though.

When I was in school, I was damn sure I will never like college. First of all, I had to go to Tamil Nadu and talk to my classmates in Tamil. It’s not that I don’t know the language at all n all that but if you speak to me in “Senthamil” I would look as if I was just given a time bomb. I would never get to lead that super cool life like in school were  I was just so carefree, enthusiastic and in love with life. I would never get to travel in my school bus, hang around the local shop with my friends etc. And on top of that, I  knew I would get a culture shock at CBE. If I sound like a rude mallu, I must admit that I was one! The me taking a liking to CBE was a gradual process. I slowly started liking the place. I started liking the “chilli parotta” which was the only reason I didnt die of hunger in my first year. But then like I said I would have found some reason or the other to like the phase anyway. I met Div and Deeps there and formed a bond for lifetime. By the end of my third year, I was completely in love with the new phase.

By the time I reached my final semester, I knew I had to figure out what to do so I decided to study further. I came back to my hometown to do my masters. I wasnt too glad and all that but yes the fact that it was my hometown kinda gave me a high. By the third semester, I was damn sure I wouldn’t like going to work. Too much responsibilities. Too much headache. And you can’t sleep during work hours. When I started to work… it didn’t turn out so bad. The money earning part I just loveeeee The financial independence is just awesome. I have been working for about 3.6 years now and have loved it till now( though I still crib about the lack of sleep and not being to sit at home and idle n all tht)

Now its almost time for my next transition(the nost major one by far) and I feel the same discomfort. Maybe all this uneasiness is for the good, as proved in the past. Though I think this transition phase is a lil harder than the other ones I went through because there is a lot more pressure, a lot more of disappointments.. and you are just looking desperately for that little iota of hope and happiness.

Sometimes, I just wish I could go back to my childhood days and start things all over again…

But then…this is what life is all about.

An affair to remember

Everyone has affairs. Every one! If you meet someone who tells you they havent, slap them coz they are lying! I have been having this one for about 3 years now and it still feels like the first day. I have had flings before but this one has been the longest.I am still in love, just as much as i was when I was first introduced to it, 9 years ago.

Bengaluru Bangalore.

Hosur…Electronic City….Silk board..Madiwala…Forum…Bannerghatta Road…Koramangala…Commercial Street..Brigade Road…Indira Nagar…Bangalore Central…Blossoms…..Garuda Mall…Nalli…Nandi Hills…Cheap Chinese…KFC and McD…..Corner house…Chaai in 4 cm tall cups…smell of cigarattes..Eva mall…men that smell of alcohol and expensive perfume…Lal Bagh…Cubbon Park..Trinity Circle…..MG Road…. Utility Building…Stones…..Bunkers… UB City…Phoenix Mall…..Autowalas with attitude…..the many many palyas and hallis and puras n more

I came to Bengaluru first when it was Bangalore. And just because people want to change the name and already have, I am not going to call it by any other name.Its weird that there is something about this place that I am not able to define. Like, Coimbatore- I usually get a feeling of  nostalgia and  its always been about soaking in the culture or the lack of it ,Bombay gives me that mad rush feeling, it makes me want to run and catch up to something or the other at that moment . With Kottayam its always that at home feeling. Pondichery is another town I have a long history with and thats a post for another day. With all the other cities and towns I have traveled to, the relation I have maintained with them have always been similar to that of a One Night Stand. But with Bengaluru Bangalore, I am not able to pin point what it is that I love about it. The city has an aura of being nice and sweet and kind of small towned with the new city atmosphere jostling in space with an old town feeling. For every morning that I wake up in Bengaluru  Bangalore, the city gives me one more reason to fall in love with it.

There is the yellow and purple spring in Bengaluru Bangalore with a mild chill in the morning; The hot summer which starts off with the pleasant smell of summer holidays and the chirping birds by mid to late March; The pre-monsoon bursts of May to cool off the summer, the monsoons heralded by the heavy winds of June; the wet months of July, August and September, the gloomy months of October and November; followed by the cold nights and chilly but sunny days of December and January. And to add to all of that, a weather that is cool all around the year. Bengaluru  Bangalore, you are not just green n brown like Cochin, you are colourful. The riot of colours that you have has always made me feel as if I was in some exotic land, The bright reds, the lovely oranges, the delightful pinks, the lemony yellows, you sure are colourful!

The multitudes of people that swarm its streets every day aren’t in that mad rush like in Mumbai or snail paced like in Cochin. Its a healthy pace. Its called the garden city but not once have I sat down in any of those and my affair has nothing to do with roses and lilies!  The malls and shopping areas have been the most expensive stress busters  I have come across but they are really good. A must recommend! The streets of Commercial, Brigade and Koramangala that I have mindlessly wandered innumerable times. The canopy at select residential locations in Koramangala that offers you a beautiful walk to get your creativity bubbling.The infinte number of restaurants that has a meal for everyone. From 20 Rs biriyani to the high end ones. A meal for all budgets. Isn’t that a gastronomical delight or what!

Most importantly, no matter how crowded n polluted the city might look to people, it gives me a sense of calm. Probably because unlike the place I come from, here, people aren’t bothered about what you do, how you look and they just stick to their own business. Even friends in this city do not probe into the nitty grittys of your life and leave you by yourself. The city offers you a strange peace, atleast to me it does. It has given me strength whenever I thought I couldnt go on, it has protected me many a time from realities if life, it has given me much needed warmth on cold nights and it has given me love just when I needed it. People call it the garden city and they do that for a reason. However, if I was to give it a tag, it would be Soul City.

So…as for my affair with this lovely land..it shall continue for eons to come. After all, it is the city I was reborn in and the city that made me understand life, holistically.

Until next time, Ill miss you.

 

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• Off I go (madouthere.wordpress.com)

Off I go

Like I said yesterday, or tried to say, I need a break. I convinced myself that I deserve a break. SO I am taking one. 3 days of no access to internet and very very very limited access to phone calls(not that i have limited access but i am going to make it less accessible). No, its not a cheap publicity stunt

Traffic Jams.. Software engineers….IT Parks…Metro….Mallus….Malls….Flyovers….Dogs….and beyond all this there is a strange calmness that this city offers…and I realise that my heart is racing as though I am going back to my long lost love.

So…off to bangalore(it still is bangalore for me and not n never will be bengaluru) to bug the Big M and D. Lets see how much of peace they can bring. Oh and am tagging dad along too just so that we dont get too hyper or carried away!  I have always, always looked forward to going to Bangalore because I left there with a longing to return  but this time I am not looking forward to shopping or eating or anything of that sort.. Just peace and i know that, that city can offer lots of it.

So its ciao from me till next Monday. Enjoy your weekend……and am singing…”Leaving on a jet plane” to no one in particular…

P.S- Miss me…okay?

Enter(de)tained!

On April 13.2012, Shah Rukh Khan was detained at an Airport in New York for over two hours. He was there at New York to give a speech at Yale. The conversation given below is purely fictional, though it is related to living people. Hence resemblance to people mentioned here are but natural. Enjoy!

“Name?”

“SRK”

“Passport?”

Passenger hands the immigration officer his passport. Officer opens the cover page, reacts with alarm.
“Hold on a second. Says here your name is ‘Khan’. You just told me your name is ‘Essar Kay’. Which is it,
‘Kay’ or ‘Khan’?”
“My name is Khan. But you can call me SRK. Everyone does.”
“I’ll call you what it is says in your passport, Mr Khan. When was your last trip to Iran?”
“Iran? Not much of a film industry-…never been there.”
“You look Iranian to me. And you got an Iranian name – Shah.”
“I’m Indian, not Iranian.”
“Whatever. Purpose of your visit?”
“I’m going to Yale.”
“Where’s your student visa?”
“No, not as a student. But an understandable mistake… I do look half my age. I’m going there to lecture.”
“Then if you’re a real Indian you should have an H-1B. Let’s see it.”
“It’s just one lecture. I’m not even getting paid!”
“Letter of invitation?”
“Sure, that I can show you!”

Passenger pulls out a piece of paper, hands it to the officer.

From: Mukesh

To: SRK

Date: April 2, 2012

Subject: FW: Uncle 2 Yale?

Dear SRK,
Please see the email below. Hope you can make it. You can take my plane. My people advise to land at a small airport. We don’t want a repeat of what happened to you last time at Newark!
Best,
Mukesh

—-Begin forwarded message—-

From: Isha

To: Daddy

Date: April 1, 2012

Subject: Uncle 2 Yale?

Dear Daddy,

Wud b gr8 if uncle can come here to give a talk. Can you ask him? Plz?

Officer looks up at the passenger, and says with growing exasperation.

“First of all, Mr Khan, this is an email, not a letter. Second, it doesn’t even have your real name on it. Third, it’s from your niece, not from an official at Yale.”

“She is most certainly an official at Yale – president of the highly influential South Asian Society. But she’s not my niece, I’m just her uncle and my wife is her aunty.”

“What do you do for a living, Mr Khan?”

“I’m an actor. And a game show host. And I own a cricket team – like your baseball teams.”

“Cricket? Those guys should wear gloves – it would be a lot easier to catch the ball.”

“I shall take that fine suggestion up with the IPL rules committee. But cricket is just an investment for me. I’m really an actor.”

“I only ever seen one Indian movie and you weren’t in it.”

“Let me guess, Slumdog Millionaire?” “Yeah. Good flick.”

“That’s one of the game shows I hosted!”

“Really? Then why should I let you into my country? The way you treated that poor kid was terrible.”

“No, you don’t understand – that was just the movie! I was the host in real life.”

Officer opens the passenger’s passport again and types something into his computer. The screen begins flashing. He looks up at the passenger and grasps the handle of his sidearm.

“Come with me, Mr Khan.”

The scene shifts to a large waiting room. At one end of the room the passenger is seated alone at a row of plastic chairs. At the other end the immigration officer confers in hushed tones with his supervisor.

“Hey boss, I got this Iranian guy here with an Indian passport, claiming to be a movie star. He’s a quadruple hit on the terrorist watch database!”

“Why the hell is he at our little airport?”

“He flew here in a private jet, boss. From India, or so he says. Allegedly on his way to give a lecture at Yale – showed me some BS email invite from his niece!”

“He ain’t going nowhere on my watch. Did you check his shoes?”

Phone rings. He answers.

Hello..yes, good afternoon, sir! [Pause] Right away, we’ll take care of it. [Pause] OK, just doing our jobs, sir. Goodbye, sir.”

“That was the big man in Washington. Apparently your Iranian is legit. The president of Yale called homeland security to vouch for him.”

“OK, boss. I’ll let him through right away. But there’s still something I don’t like about that guy.”

Read the full article on: Economic Times

A journey to remember

Its been a weird two three weeks. Lots of changes, less time to get used to the changes etc. Trying to get on with life can be excruciatingly painful and difficult especially when you have to get on all by yourself. I do have people I can speak to but something is missing. Its like I have lost a part of me somewhere. No matter how much I try becoming my old self: the ever jumping around, making noise, making people smile, willing to do anything girl: I just cant seem to do anything. I cant smile with my heart. I cannot laugh at a joke. I am not able to sit in one place and write. I cannot walk without tripping and I just cannot concentrate and focus on anything! So

I was having a talk with an old friend and was reminded of my college days in Coimbatore. Like I have mentioned before, one of my bestest friends is a bhutani. Well she is not exactly a bhutani, her mom is Indian, her dad is from Nepal n she has been born n bought up in Bhutan! So that makes her Bhutani! Coming back, well we both were used to having conversations ranging from hush hush topics to spirituality. We used to have looong conversations over cups of coffee or pepsi or over plates of noodles. It was during one such conversation that she mentioned about a place in Kovai(nickname of sorts for coimbatore) , a bit far from our college, called Dhyanalingam. She didn’t say what it was. All she said is “Mad whenever you want to go somewhere for peace and be alone for sometime, let me know.”

For two years I never got a chance to ask her about the place. Just when I was beginning my final year at college and I was in a mess with lots of things to think about (noooo not affairs! Jeez there are million other things in life, you know), I knew I needed a place to think and contemplate in peace and that’s when I remembered Deeps telling me about that place. So off I went and woke her up from her siesta and asked her the details. She asked me to get ready by 8 in the morning on Sunday and come to her room. Sunday Morning at 10, I found myself standing in a bus station waiting for a bus to Siruvani. Well after almost an hour or two, she woke me up and said it was time to get off. We took an auto and reached a gate after about 20 minutes. The road was quite narrow and looking around I couldn’t believe I was in Coimbatore coz there was so much of greenery.

Much to my amazement, the gate was that of an ashram. What actually surpised me was that this ashram had a welcome sign for all religions. A wall size picture of a man (saint) whose face I remembered seeing in a few posters somewhere stared at me as soon as I entered the gate. The ashram was like a normal one in the first look. But I was proved wrong with each step I took. I have had been this person who hated godmen and ashrams of any kind. But a few hours in that ashram made me rethink a lot of things. After a round of the ashram (which by itself was an eye opener), a very elegant looking lady stopped me at a huge door. By door, I mean a HUGE door. She said I had to leave all my belongings outside. Jwellery, watch, mobile, bag, shoes, etc. Deeps was already taking off her stuff and I was convinced this was not her first time here coz a lot of people seemed to know her. Before I entered deeps said “Mad, this would probably be the best gift I can ever give you. So enjoy.” And off she went tip toeing inside.

The door opened to a HUUUUUUUUGEEEEE double dome inside which was a shivalinga almost 10 times as tall as me. It was huge and it had some glow that I had never ever seen before. No one told me what to do and I had never been here before but it was like someone was guiding me coz I found myself sliding into a small chamber like structure which could fit in just one person at a time. I looked at the shiva linga and smiled and then closed my eyes. It wasn’t meditation. It was more of a conversation between me and nobody in particular. I spoke about all my troubles and cried, got angry, cried again and then it was a strange feeling. It was weird at first and then it began to surround me. It was peace and a strange calmness. Something I had never felt in all of my life. It was so very strange. I don’t know how long I was inside that structure but when I came out of the dome, I felt invigorated. I felt like I had it in me to take on the world. For years after I made that last trip to Dhyanalingam, whenever I was in trouble all I needed was to close my eyes and imagine that dome and I would feel good.

Today, when I am in the midst of all the uncertainties surrounding me, all I can think of is running away somewhere and being in some place where I am not answerable to anyone. I can’t help but think of that one place which gave me a sense of security that no other place has ever given me. I wouldn’t advice any of you to run away, but you have got to go see that place and spend some time there to know what I am talking about and if you really want to do something good for somebody, just take them there without telling them anything.

As for me, I might just get on a bus and go there soon. Coz for me it’s a place I found myself.

The WWPS Syndrome

WWPS is an acronym for What Will People Say Syndrome and in some parts of north India it is the “Log Kya Kahenge” Syndrome” and in my land which is God’s Own Country it is the “AAlkaru enthu parayum Syndrome”.

We Indians seem to be afflicted with a very curious syndrome known as the “What will People Say” syndrome. This affects people across gender and age. The one sentence that the Indian woman fears the most after the much dreaded “Please Adjust” is “What will People Say “. Their whole lives are governed by this statement.

Want to stay over at a friend’s place” Oh No! What will people say”

Feel like giving your husband a hug in Public – “Che Che What will people say!”

Don’t want to get married? “Oh No! What will people say ! “

I wonder if we realize how much we let this syndrome rules our lives! Our behavior and actions are not a result of what we want to do but molded by our fear of how they will be interpreted by society. This mentality of worrying about what people will say is worsened by the fact that Indians are by far the most inquisitive and interfering people I have ever come across. In other places, people don’t give a damn if you are single, married or living in, straight or gay, have kids or don’t have kids. Not so in our country! People will not only pry out every intimate juicy detail of your life, they will give you free advice and then make all the information fodder for gossip! Since our society spends half the time meddling in others affairs and the other half gossiping about it, it makes us even more conscious of doing anything without first thinking about “What people will say !”

My family is not afflicted with this syndrome and would love to let me live my life the way I want if it wasn’t for our “well wishers”. They just can’t seem to get over our bohemian attitude! Once a neighbor asked my dad, “saarinte mol bangalooril thaniye ano thamasikkunne, alkaar enthu parayum, nalla alochana varumo?” (your daughter stays alone aren’t you worried about what will people say, will a decent proposal ever come for her!) My dad, my superman tartly retorted “aalkar parayum ha avar avarude mole etre independent ayittanu valarthiyathu ennu !) (People will say look how independent they have made their daughter!)

“What will People say” has seeped so much into our mindset that we unconsciously do only the things that society wants or expects us to do. Parents are more concerned about their girls getting married “at the correct age” not because they want them to find a suitable life partner but because people will talk if the girl is unmarried. I know couples who’ve had kids because people expect you to have kids after 1-2 years of marriage. Otherwise they start asking questions. Somehow I always thought you have kids because you want to and not because society wants you to procreate!

On a serious note, I have seen so many examples of the “what will people say” syndrome ruin lives or thwart dreams. A lot of women don’t walk out of unhappy or abusive marriages not because they are scared of staying alone and starting their lives over but because they are terrified of the social stigma they will face. Women don’t mind if their kids grow up in abusive families but they don’t go for a divorce simple because “the flak my child will have to face once people find out he comes from a broken home”. I wonder if this same society of wagging tongues will actually come and help when the woman is going through torture. Or

Take the case of a girl who still hasn’t found a husband. She may be perfectly happy working and living with her parents or staying alone while she waits to meet the right guy but society literally makes her life hell with their persistent questions till she marries the first guy that comes along through sheer frustration ! I have even seen examples of midle aged females living alone who dont encourage their male cousins or friends to visit them for fear of what people will say !

The biggest irony is that we are worried about what people will say but don’t realize that the same “People” will talk whatever we do. Either way It’s a lose – lose situation. What we do can never please everyone so we might as well as do what we want ! I am not suggesting that we defy social norms and live a sort of anarchical existence. Our social dictates as well as fear of social pressure does keep us in check and prevents us from unethical and unacceptable behavior or actions. But I wonder how many people think about what “People will say” when they are breaking rules, littering the roads or even misbehaving with females, asking for dowry etc?
What really surprises me is why do we let society overpower us so much. Don’t we have our own sense of right or wrong that we have to look for society’s approval each time? Why can’t we listen to our inner voice and do what we really want to do! It takes a lot of courage to defy society and live the kind of life you want. Ask any woman (or even man for that matter) who have decided to go off the beaten track. I know a couple of them who have defied social norms and chosen to live life according to their rules and they have faced and are still facing the wrath of the society.

Well if we Indians are becoming westernised in all negative ways possible, I wonder why we can’t adopt a bit of their culture and do the right thing.