Not(e) in the mood- 20

It’s a little bit horrifying just how quickly everything can fall to crap. You are thick friends on one day and then in a moment it all changes. Sometimes it takes a huge loss to remind you of who you care about the most. Sometimes you find yourself becoming stronger as a result; wiser, better equipped to deal with the next disaster that comes along. Sometimes, but not always.So when exactly do you decide to give up trying? Admit that a lost cause is sometimes just that? There comes a point when it all becomes too much. When we get too tired to fight anymore. So we give up. That’s when the real work begins. To find hope where there seems to be absolutely none at all. And lets all just remember this always, nobody chooses to be a freak, to commit mistakes. Most people don’t realize they’re a freak and have committed a heinous crime until it’s way too late to change it. No matter how much of a freak you end up being, chances are there’s still someone out there for you. Unless of course, they’ve already moved on. There is also a chance that you fight for the relation to work and you realise that you are the only one who seems to want it to work and then you give it all up. Because when it comes to time and relationships, even freaks can’t wait forever.

Ramblings-2

I am not exactly sure why, but i seem to be on a rambling spree these days. Today as I sit down to write I have a  zillion disconnected thoughts on my mind. And so I decided that for a change I’ll just type whatever is on my mind. Again, let me warn you that none of it will have any connection!

Time flies. Time waits for no man. Time heals all wounds. All any of us wants is more time… Time to stand up… Time to grow up…Time to let go…

I know we’ve had our differences, and I’m sorry we’ve been out of touch. Believe it or not, I was trying to make everything better. I know you’re angry. I hope you’ll forgive me. Someday.

Too often, the thing you want most, is the one thing you can’t have. Desire leaves us heartbroken. It wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. But as tough as wanting something can be… the people who suffer the most, are those who don’t know what they want.

Sometimes, when people say sorry, you just have to forgive them. Coz there may come a time when you would be asking for forgiveness and that person might just not accept it. “What goes around, comes around.”

Sometimes the people who you give least value to can change your life.

Maybe I do believe it, all this “meant to be” stuff. Why not believe it, really? Who doesn’t want more romance in their life? Maybe it’s just up to us to make it happen. To show up and be meant for each other. At least that way you’ll find out for sure – if you’re meant to be or not.

When we follow our hearts, when we choose not to settle; it’s funny, isn’t it? A weight lifts, the sun shines a little brighter, and for a brief moment, we find a little peace.

I’m a human being. I make mistakes. I’m flawed. We all are.

Not(e) in the mood- 17

People always fall in love with the most perfect aspects of each other’s personalities. Who wouldn’t? Anybody can love the most wonderful parts of another person. But that’s not the clever trick. The really clever trick is this: Can you accept the flaws? Can you look at your partner’s faults honestly and say, ‘I can work around that. I can make something out of it.’? Because the good stuff is always going to be there, and it’s always going to pretty and sparkly, but the crap underneath can ruin you.

In desperate love, we always invent the characters of our partners, demanding they be what we need of them, and then feeling devastated when they refuse to perform the role we created in the first place.

To be fully seen by somebody, understood by them, and be loved anyhow – this is a human offering that can border on miraculous and that my dear is pure love!

Happy Valentines Day

I have written about Valentines Day before. The previous years. I have celebrated it  for many many years. I have hoped every year that I’d finally have the man who would just make all this wait meaningful. And this year I have been blessed. No we dont know each other for too long. No we havent spent too much time together. No we havent talked forever. No we havent even spent more than 10 minutes alone but inspite of all this, there is an assurance and a strange sense of bliss just knowing that this man is the one who completes me. In knowing that this man accepts me and loves me with everything that I am and not. And that is love in the purest form. We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love—true love! Now, I know.

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby(yeah I know. you must be thinking how I can be comfortable in silence because I yap all the time. thats exactly my point!!!!)Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.

So my dear, here’s to our first valentine together. No relationship is perfect, ever. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater…The love we have for each other is bigger than these small differences. And that’s the key. Happy Valentines Day Ro. May you and I spend the rest of our lives in a way we thought was possible only in the sweetest dreams.

Their first love

Over the years, love has changed. Our really old forefathers never even knew about love. It was all basic human needs just like water and food. And then human beings evolved. Emotions came into being. I think emotions came first and then god invented hormones. Anyhow, eons later. With the ascent of cinema came an era of love. People were made to and forced to beleive that love was what made the world go around.  Bah! But yes no matter how I try to run away from it, somethings  still make you wonder if the humans were really right when they thought love made the earth revolve.

The first time your eyes sparkle on hearing his name.
The first time you’d run to pick up the telephone before your parents could get it.
The first time you dressed carefully hoping he would notice.
The first time the joy of a secret was in not sharing. Or maybe sharing with a few friends. Very few.
The first time you pushed aside that feeling of maybe-it-is-wrong.
The first time you wondered how it would be to kiss and blushed at the thought.
The first time you sat in front of a paper and tried to write as prettily as possible. Love stories meant more than they ever did…

Yes, first loves are special.

It was their first love too. Both of them, who’d tell me almost everything, didn’t tell me this. That’s when I realized it must be.

I sat in the car watching both of them talk. Or watched them make deliberate attempts not to talk to each other. I was given way too much attention. After all, I was the guest:)

She was tired, she said after sometime. Looking at the chocolates I had bought them , she handed it over to him, “That’s my life. Be careful.”

Kids and their need for drama, I thought sleepily.

I saw him look for a space to put her precious chocolates. Nothing deemed fit a place to lay them, for I saw him look around and score off the numerous possibilities.

I saw him even look at the place near the dashboard where my poor mobile moved left and right, as my crazy driver veered. Oh, they weren’t my life anyway!

She was a quick sleeper. And after making sure she was, I saw him place her chocolates carefully into the pocket of his shirt.

Oh, of course I was asleep. I didn’t see a thing. I wouldn’t say a word.;)

What experience taught

“Time it was, and what a time it was, it was
A time of innocence, a time of confidences
Long ago, it must be, I have a photograph
Preserve your memories; They’re all that’s left you”

 I miss my academic life(school and college) all of a sudden. Some weird withdrawal syndrome or something. I miss the people (even those I hated and laughed about and didn’t really know), I miss the teachers (okay, that is just a lie in the guise of sentiment) and I miss the stupid staircase I had to climb up 4 floors of every morning (the biggest lie of them all).

2011 and 2012 have taught me a lot about people and the rules that apply in relationships.And those two years and my experience of 25 years have taught me,

# That succumbing to peer pressure is just not worth the hassle, short term, and definitely not long term. No, you don’t need to be the jet setting, party going alcoholic,you’ll still live if you don’t have high-top Converse shoes, and it’s okay to not be able to afford a 90 bucks coffee every day.

#I realized that the friendships I am most secure about today are those that have endured distance, prolonged silences, insane fights and simple, but long-standing misunderstandings. Sometimes just a text-message, or an old insider joke is enough to dissolve all differences. But you should be ready to put in a lot of heart into each friendship. Every person counts. Specially, in that inner circle.

#There are people I am more than happy to have out of my system, now that the academic(junior-age) life and all the associated drama is over. Me being me, I look for a happy ending to all stories, but now, I also know that it is statistically impossible for me to please every person. And vice versa. I’ve made my peace with this fact. I’m happy in my space, and wish them happiness in theirs. Period.

# I feel extremely lucky that I’ve met people who can tell me I’m fat, judgmental, stubborn, bitchy, a midget, stupid and childish. I call them my best friends.

#First impressions, surprisingly are sometimes,the most accurate impressions. You may know someone for the longest time, yet never really know them. I learned the not-so-nice way that people can disappoint, irritate, provoke and disgust you to the point of no return. And that my first instinct on meeting them was “Stay Awaaaaaay!”. And to add to it, listen to other people’s opinions too. Hundred people cannot be wrong about someone’s character and personality, you could be the one having the wrong impression.

#Sometimes, it’s okay not to listen to the “friendly” advice given to you. In fact, that goes for most times. Credit yourself with more brains, than to mindlessly give in to others’ opinions of you. Just a few times in life, listen to your heart, yourself. IF things do go wrong , atleast you will know who your real friends are when they come and offer you their support inspite of you not taking their advice!

# I learnt that people cannot be in each other’s lives forever. Do not ever depend on someone else to keep you happy. In life, we will lose out on a lot of people to death, to money, to misunderstandings, to ego and to fate. You need to remind yourself that, everyday. The only thing you need to do to have a happy life is to do something that makes you smile from your heart, everyday. Everyday.

#Stories aren’t coins. Of course, there are more than two sides to every story. Every person’s unique way of spinning it, with their own dramatization and exaggerations. That may make you cry when you’re in the middle of it sitting confused, but will also make you laugh at your blindness later. Rumors and gossip are only fun for a little while, that too when they’re aimed at someone else. You forget you’re hurting someone with your acerbic laughter.So do not spread unwanted information.

#I realized how genuinely happy I sometimes am, when people beat all odds and fight to get what they want. Other times, I’m just shocked out of my chair and wish “Goddamnit, if he/she could do it, why not me?” Just being honest.

#The measure of a person’s personality is the manner in which he/she treats people lower than him in status and higher than him in experience and age. It shows just how egoistic the person is. And believe me, ego is dangerous.

#Having muscles, or money, or word-power, does not give you the right to think you are better than the next person or the right to treat someone as shit or the right to take them for a ride. It’s high time to get off that high pedestal you think you deserve. The role could change anytime!!!

#Look around. Listen more. Learn from little things. Take time for yourself. Whenever possible, spend time with infants and toddlers, orphans and abandoned elders. They can teach you what it takes to be a nice human being. Patience, Innocence, Humility, optimism and perseverance.

#Travel as much as you can. Short or long, just travel. It gives you insight. It gives you experiences that could help you take life changing decisions. How, you  may ask. Its simple, the more you see, the more you know and the more you know, the more you understand.

# When in doubt if you’ll make it through this roller coaster journey called life, take inspiration from the Hogwarts school song-

“Just do your best, we’ll do the rest,
And learn until our brains all rot.”

Bridges have been burned, pages have been turned.

Lessons have been learned. :)

And she is getting married!

Remember this post?!! Good! If you dont, read it once again na!;) So it’s official. Div is getting married to Ashish. Well, another A. Yeah they all start with A! When we were in college we hardly talked about weddings and stuff. She was never the girly thing and now she is getting married in just over a month’s time! Damn! So that leaves just deeps n me. Div’s wedding is on the 5th of January 2013 and the celebrations begin a week before.

Div, Deeps and I have been friends best friends for nearly 9 years now. We have been the oldest best friends. We each know enough secrets about the other to be able to do successful blackmailing if we wanted.We can talk for hours together about any topic under the sun. From Books to the Dalai Lama…anything! We met during the first year of college. And studied for exactly three years together after that. Since then we have never stayed in the same city, forget the same college. Yet the friendship continues – first through handwritten mails and then through emails, instant messaging and telephoning. There are some people with whom you just stay connected without any conscious effort on your part. These are two people right there at the top of that list!

After I got on to the career path I have lost count of the number of friends whose weddings I have had to miss thanks to the stringent leave rules that exists. Ever since I knew about Div and Ashish’s relationship, I have always threatened Div to not get married in my absence.  For a while, it seemed that after all the effort, I would not be able to make it after all. But luckily things worked out and I am going to be there for the WHOLE ceremony.Yaaaay! There are quite a few close friends of mine who have become not so close ever since they got married. I have threatened  DIv with dire consequences including bodily injury if she starts the stand-offish act with me once she becomes a married woman. But knowing her, I somehow suspect that rather than her friends, it should be Ashish who should be concerned about being ignored!

But jokes apart. Div is a sweetheart. She has her priorities set right in life. She would never do anything to hurt anyone and is very naive. She acts tough but would become soft if she knew there is someone else that can be tough. She would do anything for her friends just to see them happy. Div, am so happy for you. I know this is the one for you. I knew Ashish was the one for you right when he gave you the choice, the respect and space. You both are meant to be. So Div stay the same…stay happy…stay blessed! And you, Ashish… all I can say is, “Brace yourself”!!!