Addicted

Happiness is addictive. Or so I like to believe. I think its also contagious. Like if people around you are happy, then maybe you become happy too.  So right now I am happy and am on the road to becoming happiest pretty soon. I  am happy and most of the people around me are also happy. Ok I am using the word happy one too many times. I gotta tell you things that are nice to hear and probably the reasons why I am so elated..

…..Mangu(The other M) is getting married in ten days and am super excited for her. Them.

…..Div is carrying and is due in November.

……Captain n Anju are also tying the knot soon. Babs and nandu are getting engaged in September. And so is another friend, Manu.

……All of us together will be starting our wedding shopping soon, hopefully.

……Das is happy because I am smiling all the time and singing and dancing all over the house.

……I am excited coz my own room might just be turing into a reality pretty soon.

……I’ll finally be meeting Deeps after a gap of 6 years!

……Joeeey is back in town and suddenly there seems to be a lot of things to do here!

……I have officially resigned and am looking forward to enjoying the Monsoon with loads of cups of hot piping tea. Finally.

……I start wedding shopping soon. Shopping! Such bliss and contentment.

……Old friends. New Friends. Reunions and more.

……A friend i thought I might never see for a long time is coming for M’s wedding. Or so I hear.

……I have begun to work out again and am feeling good about it.

……And then last but not least, except Whats App everything else that makes me happy is free! Hugs, inside jokes, friends, kisses, long walks, sleep, laughter, family and good memories.

P.S- I am addicted to happiness! Please touch wood.

Love Bits- 2

 

Sunrise in you

Sunset in me

These lingering moments

Those thoughts after

Silence and Distance

I feel you with me.

 

When I see you. The world, it stops. And all that exists for me is you and my eyes staring at you.There’s nothing else. No noise, no people, no worries, no thoughts, no yesterdays and no tomorrows. The world just stops and there’s just you. Its beautiful. When you go, the world starts again and I dont like it much. I can live in it but dont  like it. I just walk around in it, waiting for you to stop my world again. I love it when it stops. Its the most beautiful feeling in the world. Its the best thing to sense and see. That’s why I stare at you…….

And as I write this, i sing,

You and I, in this beautiful world,

Green grass, blue skies,

In this beautiful world

You and I, winding lanes as streams go by.

Ten Commandments to satisfyin a woman

I am sure most of you thought I was gonna write about some other type of satisfaction. Sorry to disappoint!I am getting married. Oh not so soon maybe but yes, in another 4 months I AM getting married. So everyday my friends n I keep talkin about everything converning marriage and we seem to come to this consensus concerning the relationship men and women have!  Women and men are as different as chalk and cheese. Men always find it difficult to understand women. Or so they proclaim.But believe us, we are not that difficult to understand. Just try to keep the communication channel open and see how things fall into their place. Here’s a guide of some of the things women wish men automatically understood and remember it’s neither rocket science nor micro-biology.

And the Ten Commandments are:

1. We know men are low in EQ (Emotional Quotient) but make an effort to understand emotions. But remember we don’t like men who can’t control their emotions. Cry babies (oops men) are not what we are exactly looking at in life! We’ll do the crying, you solve the problem!

2. When we talk, pay attention to what we are saying. Don’t just nod your head and continue watching the cricket match on television. Listen dont just hear! Most times, we are trying to catch your attention!

3. Your mother might be great in the kitchen and can whip up gourmet dishes in no time. But sorry we can’t go on listening to your running commentary on her remarkable culinary skills. Appreciate us, once in awhile. Tell us where you want us to improve.

4. We believe in the power of communication. So, talk, fight but don’t just go into ‘silent’ mode. Leave that mode to your mobile phones and us;)

5 All of us  completely love a dash of chivalry in our partners. So be courteous and show us that you are well brought-up.

6 Don’t brag. Showing off really acts against you. Be subtle about your fat pay packet, your swanky car and the like. That shows your class.

7. Don’t think that you own us. So, behave accordingly. Like men folk, we also like our own space.

8. Romance comes naturally to us just as sex is natural to you. We love it when a man expresses his love. So, please show us that you love. Say it through flowers, dinners, gifts and of course count surprises as an important element of our DNA. Understand these basic points and act accordingly

9. Don’t try to give us lessons on moral science. And for heaven’s sake don’t comment on a low-neckline dress that we wear and comment on how sexy the other woman in a similar dress looks!That’s a very cheap thing to do. However, if a dress doesnt compliment our body, SAY IT!!!!!!

10. Don’t crack jokes on our family members, close friends. Show your great sense of humour with a touch of sensibility.

 

Not(e) in the mood- 20

It’s a little bit horrifying just how quickly everything can fall to crap. You are thick friends on one day and then in a moment it all changes. Sometimes it takes a huge loss to remind you of who you care about the most. Sometimes you find yourself becoming stronger as a result; wiser, better equipped to deal with the next disaster that comes along. Sometimes, but not always.So when exactly do you decide to give up trying? Admit that a lost cause is sometimes just that? There comes a point when it all becomes too much. When we get too tired to fight anymore. So we give up. That’s when the real work begins. To find hope where there seems to be absolutely none at all. And lets all just remember this always, nobody chooses to be a freak, to commit mistakes. Most people don’t realize they’re a freak and have committed a heinous crime until it’s way too late to change it. No matter how much of a freak you end up being, chances are there’s still someone out there for you. Unless of course, they’ve already moved on. There is also a chance that you fight for the relation to work and you realise that you are the only one who seems to want it to work and then you give it all up. Because when it comes to time and relationships, even freaks can’t wait forever.

Of Friends and more

As you know, my life’s changing! Too many things to do in a day and very less time!  Last night I was noticing how I haven’t talked with my girl friends for so long. Then I got to thinking, maybe I didn’t have as many girl friends as I thought. Where have all my girl friends gone? Why are they missing when am taking that big leap?

I understand that the world doesnt stand still. I get it that everyone has a life. Priorities change and so do people. People go to work, get married, start families etc but is it actually right to make that an excuse to not spend time with friends who were there when you were down in the dumps? Do friends come to us according to our needs? When we need them? Or do we cultivate them so that they can be there when we need them? If we cultivate our friends and invest in them, then why do so many friendships break up even after years of being friends whereas new friends seem closer to you than family?

It’s a strange universe of fickle friendships. At one point I felt I had so many friends that I could barely keep up with them. People who I could have coffee with, friends who would come home and sit for hours, friends who would drive for hours just to spend time together, movie friends, shopping friends, happy friends, sad friends etc..

Then suddenly the world changed. Friends moved on. New people came into my life. They weren’t  exactly what i;d call friends. Old friends found new friends. I wondered if I had “invested” enough? Hadn’t I done what was needed to rely on them? Or was it another expectation from life that was being tested for me to understand that one cannot have ANY expectation. That maybe “friends” are like the weather. You can’t predict when they’ll be sunny and when they’ll be moody.

My father though seems to have several  friends from work, from the football playing boy gang that he and my uncles shared and even friends from 40 years ago!! Is he doing something different that our generation hasn’t understood? We have come into an era where friends are there according to what we need from them. So friends from work will be thick since they share common environments, moms with kids will bond since they have a common topic to speak about, and women in gym classes will bond  because of their mutual suffering. And married women will crib over their husbands and this bonds them as friends. We are all aware that these relationships might not last forever. But we also know that we grow as individuals and it’s probably for the best to have some friendships dissolve.

There is no need nowadays to “invest” for the long term. We all don’t have time to give so much of ourselves. With extremely busy lives, we’re just happy to have a few hours with people who are free at that time. That constitutes friendship nowadays. Or so I think.

Can we count the number of friends who have known us for more than ten years and we still rely on? Probably on our left hand. Out of those, can we say we still have something in common with them? The number becomes less. But when you’re sure of that number, those are the people who will attend everything that’s important to you no matter how difficult it is or how busy they are, those are the people who will love you even if you change and become completely different from them. That number will always stick. And that friendship will be far more important than any family you’ve ever had. Its alright that I have just a few of those in my life but really, thank god for them!

The world is opening up so many social platforms for us to make friends. The truth is we are all still alone.

Hope shall save the day

 

 

A few days ago I had to perform an extremely unpleasant errand for somebody who really should have known better than to ask this of me. I was made to go back to this particular hospital which was the place where I remember having spent one of the most horrible days of my life,  the place I lost my best friend, in order to hand over a receipt, right at the reception area where I got to know that terrible truth. I could have chosen to ignore this particular errand, but I don’t want anybody to feel like I owe them anything. So I went, telling myself that I’m old enough to deal with this, that life isn’t about running away. But it was so hard to see that place again, the dingy road leading up to it, the building, the nurses in white, the familiar receptionist and the never ending staircase. I was thinking about the person that place took away from me, and how I was left with nothing to do but watch death take over him. When I walked into the reception area, I kept looking for his eyes, to see if it watching me struggle. He had the loveliest of eyes…sea green they were.

I know, life goes on. Nothing terribly profound about that coz really, life only knows how to go on. I know that I have to go on, and to realize that its not all about me, and how I feel. There are other, more important things, like running errands. But it isn’t happening very naturally. I look around and I see how I sometimes make people who are close to me uncomfortable, coz they really don’t know what to say to me. That look on their faces, saying that they’re sorry for me, but they don’t know how to let me know that without offending me, or making me feel worse. As it is, being a social creature is hard for me, and it makes it double tough when I see myself guarding against the very people that I love the most in the world. I don’t know how long it will take for me to get over this nagging hurt. I just hope that it happens, and soon. I also hope that when it does, I don’t wake up to find that I’ve distanced everyone who has tried to help. This experience has changed me. I’ve become cynical, jaded, weary and bitter. I just hope the change isn’t irrevocable, coz I really don’t like the way I’ve become. The only encouraging sign is that I’m still tenaciously holding on to hope, a little bit of it. Maybe it’ll save me.

I want to be whole again. I want to laugh with all my heart, coz 50 % only looked great on a maths paper and you know it  just isn’t good enough. I want to be as foolish as I was before I got a taste of how low life can actually you pull you down to. But you can’t choose your experiences. So I’ll just pray that I can make my peace with them, and hope that there are second chances, opportunities that can help me make up for my mistakes, even though I can’t ever compensate for this particular one. I hope to be strong enough to break this wall around my heart.

 

 

Birthday Effects

I bet you have had friends who have put up statuses like this on FB. Well, here is something an FB friend put up on her bday:

Never thought that I would have so many surprises lined up for my birthday which I thought would be otherwise low-key. Thanks everyone for everything. I am glad you are with me, my precious!!!  )  .

And it somehow got me thinking on the relevance of birthdays among the two sexes and the common sentiment associated with it.

Girls, as far as I know never have celebrated a “low-key birthday“. Yet, the reference for a low key birthday is obvious even when they know it has never ever happened to them.Its true! I do not know one girl apart from Div(on of my best gals) who doesnt make a huge thing about the day they were born. They(Read:We) just have to celebrate it and bring on the year with as much noise as possible!Gifts, surprises, parties, new clothes, etc are mandatory!

Guys, on the other hand stand a very good prospect of celebrating a low-key birthday. Many instances would come to my mind in substantiating my stand on this. When they(the guys) are single (either by choice or chance) or stood up in life, there is a good enough possibility of it going low key coz nobody really cares apart from they themself. On the other hand, even if they are in a “thing” (as is the trend nowadays), they might still have a girlfriend who wouldn’t remember the dates and would blame the guy for the mishap that was his birthday. But then, they are women so the men don’t make it such a big issue and tend to forgive.

Imagine if they had swapped roles and forgot their girlfriend’s birthday, they can be rest assured that the marching orders would be ready soon enough.  There comes the aspect of relevance. I cant think of many men who would think of their birthdays being the most important days of their life. But on the other hand, its quite natural for women to feel so.

Coming to the common sentiment associated part, I found something amazing in the world today. The common sentiment associated with your birthday here is in loose terms, “something of a pure joy of growing old and having accomplished a milestone in life“. This is actually the most common sentiment  on a global scale, and you end up spending a fortune to let the world know that you are growing old. This is quite a contradiction to someone like me who thinks that birthdays are just one more way of god telling you that you have one year less to the grave. Thus I never understood the whole concept of celebrating it ever since I was 17, I think. I still am unsure which of the versions is the right one, but continue to go about mine for the sake of convenience and comfort.

Well coming to how I celebrated mine. Mine was a good day with a first surprise that came from Ms M in the form of a lovely cake and her presence! Then it came in the form of a bunch of friends(lets say family) that drove all the way down just to see me smile! Oh and they bought along a nice yummy cake too that I finished! So that was two cakes in a day! And then off we went for a nice drive n some shopping and some laughing and what not. Lil was the highlight. The kid can make just about anyone’s worst day into a super amazing day! Well birthdays become special when there are people around, people you love. I thought I’d have the worst bday ever but it was fine. Yes I did miss Big B. I always do. I dreamt of him that morning where he wished me and gave me a nice hug. So in many ways my day was good and I made it a point to make sure that nothing would affect my temperament that day and I succeeded!

And 26 years later, I realised that if you want to succeed and if you want to live happy, you just have to put your own life and happiness above anything else. Life cannot make you happy, you gotta make life happy!

So happy living!!!

P.S- I am getting old,aint I!? Oops!