Posted in close to heart, fiction

>Looking out

>I saw her many times…In the road, in the shop around the corner, at the busstop, in so many places..I kept wondering what it was that made me observe her so much. She never talked to anyone much though she smiled at everyone who came her way. She helped everyone who came to her..I knew all this coz I noticed her everyday. In a way I was obsessed with her. Everythin about her was so intriguing.. I realised how attached i was getting and it was time i approached her..

The moment I went upto her on the road, she told me ” I was sure you would come n talk to me sooner or later and i was hoping it wouldn’t be too late!You never know how long i would be..”

She knew I was noticing her. She asked me if i have some time coz she said its been awhile since she talked to someone. Said there was noone of her age to talk to. OOps i asked her if she thought i waas that old?! she said people need not be old to have the same thoughts…

Her house was old n i was surprised that it was well lit n really airy!!unlike the way she looked, it was a veery beautiful home!I choose to call it home and not merely a house. She told me to sit down and asked me wat i wanted to drink? I said i was fine..she told me she makes lovely tea..and i fell for that!

A cup of tea started somethin that I would remember for a long time to come…

she started, ” I was barely out of college when I met him..he was very rude..n i still wonder everyday what was it that pulled us together. I was someone who would run in the opposite direction if i saw him and it so happenned that the more i ran away, the more i bumped into him… and then we began talking. Once a day at first n then throughtout the day. it was amazing coz noone knew wat we shared coz nobody was listening.. it was great! more of a cat n mouse game with all those around us! time passed by and we dreamed together..just like a normal love story.. Everything was fine until he decided to move to another city in search of his dreamjob.. A job that would make him richer by the second and give him power over others.. I was someone who supported him in all his endeavours and i decided i should let him do wat he wants coz that would make him happy.. A choice that i made. The days that followed was torture..tears that flew endlessly coz he was going away, fear about wen he would return. dear it was a no phone era so…Things were worse than it is now! The day dawned.. i had to let him go.. he came by here to say bye.. he said he does not know wen he wud return.. “Wait for me here till i come back. if u leave from here I wouldnt know where to llok for u. so stay here. I will be bak soon to start our life..our dreams. I love you and I always will.” I told him I would wait here and lookout every single day… Days..months..years.. my parents told me he was long gone. But i insisted..they tried..n last gave up hope.. I still waited.. my parents died..leavin me alone.. and then i realised what it all then..i had gotten used to the pain..I don’t think I’m alone in this, the more I get to know other people the more I realize it’s everyone’s flaw. STAYING EXACTLY THE SAME FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE, STANDING PERFECTLY STILL. It feels better somehow. And if you are suffering at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected. Who know what other pain might be waiting out there? CHANCES ARE IT COULD BE EVEN WORSE. So you maintain that status quo, chose the the road already traveled.. And it doesn’t seem that bad, not as far as flaws go. You’re not a drug addicted, you’re not killing anyone….. excepts maybe a little bit. When we finally do change I don’t think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion. Where all the sudden we’re a different person. I think it’s smaller then that. The kind of thing a person wouldn’t notice unless they looked really really close. Which thank god they never do. But you notice it, inside you that change feels like a world of difference and to you it is. And you hope…..THAT THIS IS THE PERSON YOU GET TO BE FOREVER. THAT YOU WILL NEVER HAVE TO CHANGE AGAIN.

I am telling you this coz i know you are observing me everyday and i want you to do me a favour. if i die i want you to look out for him..everyday..if ever he decides to come bak for me..I know you will..only u can..”

I got up..gave her a hug and told her i will do it.. What surprised me was the faith she had on him and when i turned around she said, ” I know you think am crazy but he was the person i gave myself to, the one man i truly loved. Men had come before him but he was the one i gave my heart to and he never returned it…” tears flooded my eyes as i walked out and i still look out for him..

She is long gone….



There is a deep and cosmological connection between my birth, my parent's decision to name me what they did, my profession and my education. This brings me to the conclusion that fate is predetermined and like in Hindu mythology, is written by Brahma when someone is born. Example: My name is unique. I did my grads in Psychology. I then did my masters in HR (offshoot of following all the psychos). I then did the ultimate decision of joining an MNC in ............. beat it, BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT. So, I have the concept 'MAD' in my name, my education, my choice of career and all the milestone decisions of my life. Now, is it predetermined or what ? :-D

One thought on “>Looking out

  1. >I don't know what's special about this story but the narration was simply superb … i loved reading it .. Even the title is perfect .. A wonderful read 🙂

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