>While it rained

>I have always been fascinated by rain..sometimes it brings joy coz it reminds me of him and sometimes it reminds me of something thats not worth remembering- pain. Yesterday I watched the rain for a long time..thought of a lot of things. Well for more than 2 months i was hiding from almost everyone i know with the exception of my family coz I would’ve turned into a psycho if i had avoided them as well.It started out coz i was busy then i realised after a while that it was an excuse i was making to myself.I just didn’t want to talk to anyone especially people i knew.The worst part was i didnt know y. Noone had hurt me. noone had done anything to cause me pain. Then Y? Then i thought maybe I was runnig aay from someone- myself. people i knew reminded me of myself and that was what i was running away from.It was raining still..while i tried figuring out why i was running away from myself my thoughts shifted to us..maybe it was coz our relation was going through that testing phase where we were made to go through a hell lot and put at our breaking points that was causing this.
Its always difficult when you have to put yourself in the other person’s shoes to understand what they are going through and whats worse is when you jus cant understand their justifications in spite of walking in their shoes for a while…it is so damn difficult and then you just give up..and end up saying “its going to be like this” or “you will never understand…if only you could”
It was raining still..
And then I thought about what was happening around.there were a lot of things i never understood..like y certain people were like that or y certain people had everything while some had nothing.the philosophies that i never understood..was it that was upsetting me?!
It was pouring heavily…
I thought again of my friends..wonderful people as they are did they do anything? nope they hadnt..i guess i was irritated with a few coz they had become busy building their worlds..but then again i forgave them long back coz i was becoming busy myself and i could fit into their shoes perfectly!
It kept raining….
I suddenly remembered someone i met a few months ago..a woman who was typically middle class.had a medium income, loving husband and 2 amazing kids. She went on to tell me that after 20 yrs of marriage bliss she was in love with another man. She kept repeating thather husband was not at fault at all. But she just couldn’t help falling in love. And i argued a lot with her saying that she was being totally absurd and impractical..but she jus said one thing,”u will understand when u fall in love..some people find their true love before they get married to someone else n some unlucky ones find true love after years of marriage..” was it this that was keeping me uncomfortable?
it was pouring now….
I kept thinking..looked at the clock it was 3:00 am in the morning..i was having a great life..family, education, job then wat??? Suddenly it struck me…maybe it wasnt at all about other people..it wasnt about him, my family or friends..it was ME. i was worried about getting hurt again..it myt sound silly but i was genuinely scared and that was what was putting me away from everyone i knew. I was purposely around my family coz i knew they couldn hurt me in anyway n they wouldnt..everyone around me were having heartbreaks, problems everywhere..guess hiding from people was my way of taking a precaution against pain in my life..i knew it was hrting people who loved me..but i refused to think of them..i couldn believe i was being selfish.. i realised i had to gear up..do something to get out of this cocoon i had built for myself…i sat up..gave myself a nice hug and looked outside…
I stepped outside while it was still raining…and stood there for a long time..decided to just start taking things as they come instead of thinking of the possiblities of if it happened…i realised i owed em al an apology..and i just had to hold on and fight things as they come…Believe it or not it stopped raining abruptly…it was like a sign that was telling me that I was right and had made the correct choice…

Am happy now..very happy..and come wat may..sunshine or rainfall i am going to love my life and live it in the fullest manner possible…
I guess this is one of the reasons i love rain so much….