Posted in m@dness



Well i have just started living a quarter of a century ago,actually less than that. I have had people asking me how i can write so intense. I laugh and ask, me.. intense?? Its all about experience and putting into words.

So anyway my twenties have been a period of continually forgetting and rediscovering parts of myself. in many ways, i think i had a much stronger sense of self until the age of 20. that’s not to say i was happier, cos i definitely wasn’t, but my ideas about who i was were rigid, and if nothing else, there was a sense of security in this.

In my twenties i suddenly had all these choices – especially once i finished my degree and i began to figure what i liked to do, who i liked to be with, and i realised that my life was of my own making, and i was free to make whatever choices i liked – from the most mundane to the most profound.

Every choice has repercussions. Each choice uncovers bits of myself that I didnt realise were there. and simultaneously draws attention from the parts I was previously focusing on.

So life is this dance – this push and this pull – this ebbing sea, and i am never quite sure who i am, or where my boundaries are.

Then, suddenly, it all comes together, and i realise that i am standing outside myself, with the space and freedom to look in on myself.

It doesn’t happen very often, but in those moments i am not just finding a part of myself…

I am seeing who i really am in the reflection that I see right before my eyes……

The face stares back
From behind the invisible wall
Fogged and drenched in
Speckles of vapor and
A shadow of a vacuous life
Not remembered but
Shapeless Like the ominous sky
Shimmering like a gemstone
Washed in the murky waters
Of fate reflecting a formless deity
Who stares at my blurred form
With undead eyes
Black, humid and crisp



There is a deep and cosmological connection between my birth, my parent's decision to name me what they did, my profession and my education. This brings me to the conclusion that fate is predetermined and like in Hindu mythology, is written by Brahma when someone is born. Example: My name is unique. I did my grads in Psychology. I then did my masters in HR (offshoot of following all the psychos). I then did the ultimate decision of joining an MNC in ............. beat it, BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT. So, I have the concept 'MAD' in my name, my education, my choice of career and all the milestone decisions of my life. Now, is it predetermined or what ? :-D

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