Posted in m@dness

>Friend (Only) in Need

>She stuck on to you like a leech then and now that she’s past her crisis or her loneliness, is she too busy with her new ‘fun’ friends to even bother making a call?


If it’s usual for her to call upon you for help any time of day or night, or just to ask for a favour but to vanish when you need her or when all is well in her little world, you have an opportunity girl on your hands. Of course friends are meant to be pinged at the time of need (what are friends for, right?) but if you’re only remembered in the time of trouble, your friendship definitely deserves a second look.

I remember being on the phone for many nights for my very close pal when her heart got broken. As a gesture of friendship,Ii introduced her friend to all the single guys she knew and today she doesn’t even take my calls and tries to portray herself as being closer to MY friends than I am.
Such ‘friend-users’ are usually very self-centered. They have probably learnt to be emotionally manipulative early in life by watching adult role models or by having their wishes granted when they managed to say the right thing to influence their parents. They have learnt that it is okay to pretend to be close to someone if it gets the job done and now it is a part of their psyche. So if your so-called friend sweetens you up to help her out of a crisis, as a child she probably watched her dad/mom doing the same with colleagues to glean favours at work or in life itself.
Even if you did hold such a friend dear for quite some time, you don’t have to be at her beck-and-call. Chances are, every time she gets lost in her happiness and shuts you out, you wonder whether you did something to push her away. But you can throw those misgivings away because now you know that she can’t help being who she is. She would do exactly the same with anyone in your place. But you can shield yourself from the hurt she inflicts every time she pulls away leaving you feeling used.
By helping her out every time she comes back, you are in fact reinforcing her craftiness. Every time her pleas work on you, she becomes more of an opportunist. Make her see how she excludes you from her life once she is past her crisis by quoting concrete examples. If she does care about you as a friend, she would start making amends.

I once put my work on hold for a friend who was sick and actually burnt the midnight oil to get her project done. As soon as she got better she went on a nice little vacation with her girlfriends with not so much as a postcard to me! I pointed it out to her and she got the hint. Haven’t heard from her since! and if she continues to deny that she takes advantage of you, gradually remove her from your life. She’s not worth the friendship she doesn’t value.
Don’t think ‘okay one last time’ the next time she calls crying at midnight. It’ll turn into an endless circle. She’ll be like an ex you can’t get over!
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Author:

There is a deep and cosmological connection between my birth, my parent's decision to name me what they did, my profession and my education. This brings me to the conclusion that fate is predetermined and like in Hindu mythology, is written by Brahma when someone is born. Example: My name is unique. I did my grads in Psychology. I then did my masters in HR (offshoot of following all the psychos). I then did the ultimate decision of joining an MNC in ............. beat it, BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT. So, I have the concept 'MAD' in my name, my education, my choice of career and all the milestone decisions of my life. Now, is it predetermined or what ? :-D

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