Posted in close to heart

Things Change- On Suicide Prevention

I had written this a little while ago after i had read a news about this incident and it moved me to write about it:http://www.daijiworld.com/news/news_disp.aspn_id=102391&n_tit=Bangalore%3A+Fashion+Designer+Ruchi+Shandilya+Commits+Suicide

(Please read the post if you haven’t read it before continuing further)

On Sunday night, Bangalore city claimed yet another suicide victim. Ruchi Shandilya who was just 25, ended her life by hanging herself from the ceiling fan, in her apartment, near Ulsoor lake. She has worked with manoviraj Khosla for three years. He is holidaying abroad and when he heard of her death, he was shocked and completely shattered. She had been married for the past three years to Prashant Kumar and her marriage had run into rough waters. There were constant fights. On Friday, after one such fight, Prashant stormed out of the house and moved into his friend’s place.Ruchi later constantly tried to contact him but he did not answer her phone calls. On Monday morning when he returned home, the sight that greeted him was Ruchi’s dead body hanging from the ceiling.

What truly breaks my heart in this story is that Ruchi repeatedly tried to reach out. I can empathise completely with her pain and her desperation Can you imagine her agony for her to have taken this extreme step? It is easy to say “People have fights all the time, why should anyone take their life for that?” Fact is it is not that single fight which would have caused her to end her life. It would have been the last straw that broke the camel’s back.

The strongest signals which a person likely to commit suicide gives out is “I cannot go on anymore.” They may not say so in so many words, but they may reach out. Suicide is rarely a spur of the moment decision. It is not like how it is shown in the movies.

Suicides can definitely be prevented by talking about issues. And for talking one needs a trusted friend, a confidante and sometimes just somebody who cares enough to listen.

Had Prashant picked up Ruchi’s calls, her death would probably have been prevented.
If Ruchi had a close and trusted friend whom she could have called when Prashant did not respond, her death might have been prevented.
If someone who knew Ruchi cared deeply about her, her death could still have been prevented.

What I feel most hurt about is, nobody really cares..For most people, this just a story in today’s newspaper which will go into trash pile tomorrow.

In any relationship, fights are inevitable. In life problems are inevitable. But what is needed is talking about it. One cannot cut off from loved ones, the way Prashant did just because he was angry. The least he could have done was pick up her calls. He owed her that much. After all, they must have had something between them, for them to get married.

But things change you, see (and that was meant sardonically).

P.S: If you have even one single dependable friend and a true friend, hold on to them. They are worth their weight in gold.

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Author:

There is a deep and cosmological connection between my birth, my parent's decision to name me what they did, my profession and my education. This brings me to the conclusion that fate is predetermined and like in Hindu mythology, is written by Brahma when someone is born. Example: My name is unique. I did my grads in Psychology. I then did my masters in HR (offshoot of following all the psychos). I then did the ultimate decision of joining an MNC in ............. beat it, BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT. So, I have the concept 'MAD' in my name, my education, my choice of career and all the milestone decisions of my life. Now, is it predetermined or what ? :-D

3 thoughts on “Things Change- On Suicide Prevention

  1. I am Ruchi’s friend, and I have something to say …I cannot believe till this date that she has done such a stupid thing. I was her roommate in college and a friend who lived with her in the last of the days; from the time she told me..she was facing an issue with her marriage, I called her everyday and made efforts to keep in constant touch. She spoke about it first in September 2010, I never left a day go by without speaking to her. I felt her vibrations all the time. It was on 13th March, she expressed “what if I go mad, or dis balanced”, I was at her apartment the following 17th March..and I lived with her until she felt better..we sang songs, I made her take an effort to dress up, go out, have fun, learn dance, go out and have fun. It seemed that situation had pacified. This is a month’s duration we are talking about. I had to come down to Goa for a job interview, and she left for her native town. My mother had already warned me ..she is going home, and she will get affected…people in backward areas like Bihar have only gruesome and cruel things to say or do for women going through Divorce. None of us know what happened in Bihar, because when she came back..she was back to square one.

    More than Divorce, Ruchi was very deeply concerned about the tag of bieng divorced, of the shame it will bring on to her family, she was concerned with the “failure” of the Marriage. It was hard for her to accept the change. She had become such a doormat for Prashant that she was aware of his infidelity and yet she accepted it. To be honest, I was never in favor of her Marriage to Prashant to begin with. he was an ass, and he will always be, Ruchi married the wrong man, knowing he is the wrong man. I had called her up on her day of marriage, and told her what you are doing today is a fatal mistake, but whenever you go through Divorce, I will stand by you. I knew what was it going to be, and that day came too. There is day which has not gone by where I dont think of her, my life has come to a halt. I loved her, I spoke to her..2 days before her death; where she convinced me that she was perfectly alright,for your surprise we were a close group of friends, you want to know how cold bloodily she has taken her life. Ruchi partied till morning with Swati and Jibi, she was awake till 6:00 clock with them, then she leaves for her home, and imagine this now..you party and dance and yet you are so determined to take your life..that you dont let anything change your mind. She commits suicide around 10:30-11:00, have you heard about a friend going and killing herself right after having a conversation with you.

    ___ and ___ never left her alone as well…they were constantly counselling her..trying to float her through…It was the shaking voice of my friend which informed me about her.

    So for your knowledge, she had everybody at her side, but she never chose to look at that, I left everything and came to be with her, no acknowledgement of that either. She chose to love a man who had cheated on her before, made lewd and dirty moves on her roomate. All this is before marriage itself, she did not listen to us. So, what can be done if a person is moved by darkness and refuses to see the light? Ruchi left us all for a shitty guy, she could not accept Divorce..how stupid is that, if someone does not want to be with you, it is his right, his choice, you cannot force yourself on them. Its simple. This is not only Ruchi’s problem, it the problem of many..the cause of her suicide is very deep and universally relevant. It is the inability of a Human being to accept change. but there is one great fact nobody knows, Ruchi was concerned more about the news of her divorce to travel in bihar than the divorce itself, she felt it would bring such a trauma to he family that its better that she is dead then divorced. To be honest, this is the decision she ahs taken, she cpnstantly talked about what effects it will have in her family. She found honor in death, and thats the truth. How sad it is, that a girl is trained to think like that.or that is her observation from life. Even a sucessful career, a different life could bot cut her roots, her deep seated and twisted concepts of life. It is the concept which has taken her life.

    I think about her all the time and thats the only thing I can do. It is nice of you to take out some time and post something about her. We all appreciate.

    God bless you
    Love and Light,

    1. Dear N,

      First, my apology for writing about only one side of the story. It moved me deeply to write coz I have come across many suicides in my life and most of them because nobody was around to speak to them at the minute they decided to end it all. Probably that is why I thought Ruchi’s was also such a case. I am sorry. Am sorry to hear that inspite of her having such thick friends, she had her reasons to end her life.
      I have not put your name or your friend’s names here. Once again I am sorry for your loss and for writing about only one side of the story.
      Take care

  2. Its almost a year now, and I come here to reply to you, Please don’t apologize, I found you because sometimes, I type her name and wait for what appears in front of me. You take care. She will be peaceful in whatever energy she transforms into. thanks, Neeti

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