*sings* So no one told ya life was gonna be this way… (clap clap clap clap): I can listen to this n number of times and not get bored. Precisely why its the tune that rings when my close pals call. Close pals???
Having spent numerous days busy at home and work , I’d started to go a little stir crazy. I am a person who thinks way too much, and being alone while struggling to keep calm and composed when the world around seems to come crashing down equals crazy neuroses and unnecessary bad feelings. So a day with some good friends, going the cinema and having lunch together was just the thing I needed to pull me out of my lowness.
So I sat down wondering which of my friends I should call. It struck me then and struck me real hard that the friends who were so close to me was no longer around. Busy they all were with no time for friends at all. I couldnt help wondering the number of times I have jeopordised my job and family to help them when they needed someone.
To be totally honest, I sometimes feel distant from my group of friends. We’re all in different places in our lives and I guess we’re starting to grow apart. I struggle sometimes as well with the conversations we have. We discuss our lives a little, and I like knowing what’s going on with them and I do make sure I am up to date on whats happening, but we don’t share personal things anymore. My dad is unwell,fighting Cancer and it’s a herculean task to keep him fine mentally and physically. At first I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to get upset; as time went on I didn’t want the conversation to be me and my problem centric. Part of me thinks that because I’ve had to deal with dad’s illness and the problems that surround me, I have just matured a lot and don’t find small talk funny anymore, so I feel like an outsider sometimes in my group of friends. Not that we talk a lot but when we do I find it absurd that I just can’t relate to them anymore.
Sometimes one of them calls and I talk. She seems to be the ONLY one who seems to understand what I am going through.The others all know about it but just does not seem to care or bother and that hurts. I was there for them at their worst times but now that they have a life:marriage,husband etc they do not seem to be bothered about my life. Does it happen to everyone or is it me? Am I expecting too much?? I Don’t know.
Thank god for those really few friends of mine who seem to be there. Maybe they know what its like to feel alone when ur in trouble. Maybe. Or then they know il be there for them when they need help and dont want to let go, Just in case.
So that day I called up one of those few and told him I needed a break and he did come and take me out. We went fora movie then had lunch and stepped into our comfy zone for a cup of coffee. We did have our issues that day but I still felt totally at ease and happy, thinking that, when you need it, without even realising what they’re doing, your friends can make you feel better about anything.
I have had bad friends and good ones. I have learnt to let go of the bad ones and keep the ones that I know will be there with me till the end of time. They are just a handful but I know they will hold my hand, always. They are my friends and I love them; After all they are the family I chose for myself.