Posted in Moanday Mornings

The Corporate Lessons

I always thought why people hate going to office, when they don’t mind going back to college. I was ignorant and dumb, and was waiting to start working like all impatient college goers, who have no reason to do so except that they are perpetually broke. I always used to visualise myself shopping more and more when I start working, rather than the actual work itself.

My “dream” came true finally and I started working about 2 years ago. Yes I know its a tad bit late to write this post. Believe me Monday mornings are for moaning!! So here are the corporate lessons I learnt….

1. Before you leap into the corporate asylum, especially if you are joining an MNC, remember this! The only time you’ll ever need the word ‘escalate’ in your vocabulary is when you go to malls and wanna get your lazy ass on to the next floor,  but once in office, you have to use this word more than 50 times a day. Keep saying, ” You have a problem, You escalate” (though nothing much happens 🙂 )

2. In college, you come late, you go for a movie, anyway no point in going to class late. There are no fixed timings in office. You come late, you go home late or you don’t go home at all. They don’t mind keeping you there.

3. Did you wash your hair and come to office in a hurry? No time to blow dry? Don’t you worry, there is always the hand dryer in the office restroom. It can also be used to dry the hair, why not?

4. In college, you have to beg your principal to let you have a college fest, beg some more to let you have a DJ, and fall on his feet for funds. In office, they have to beg you to attend a fest, beg some more for you to dance and funds, yeah rite, as if you are bothered!

5. You may think how there can be so much anarchy in our country, but you wont feel so bad once you witness “mis-management” at the grassroots level

6. In college, you hate eating at home even if the canteen food is disgusting, you prefer to go there. In office, even if the food court stuff is palatable, you prefer eating from your ‘dabba’ or in some worse restaurant nearby, but not the food court, ever!!

7. If you thought helping someone was a nice thing. Try helping someone once in the corporate jungle n ul be proved wrong! It’s like putting a coin in a bowl when children beg. you drop one coin and ul have 10 bowls right outside your car window in every signal!

8.  In college, you have to open all the windows of your classroom for a whiff of air to come in, sometimes you have to stick a piece of paper in the fan regulator for it to even start moving at 5rpm. In office, you have to tel the AC maintenance guy to increase the temperature, b’cos it is so damn cold.

9. Didn’t you  hate computer games before, you won’t anymore. You love them, they are good for you! Especially Solitaire, minesweeper and flash games!

10. In college, if you copy in exams, they debar you for 2 yrs. In office, if you don’t copy( and paste, of course), you don’t get anywhere.

11.  Learn to make a face that to outsiders looks like I’m really interested but inside I’m in a deep slumber.

12. In college, you get bored at home and will be dying to go back to college to see what new stories are happening in class. In office, obviously you get bored and you will be dying to go home and see what’s cooking for dinner

13. Learn to talk about font sizes, styles and page layouts as if you are talking about the Kashmir issue/ Maoist insurgency. Practice in front of the mirror. The more sombre your face is, better the effect.

14. ALWAYS act a lil dumb or stupid in front of the boss. Do not overdo it,but do it! It makes the boss more superior even if he is not!

15. In college, you were screwed if you didnt submit your assignment on time. Never submit the document on or before deadline at work! It shows you have nothing else to do!!!!!

Okay thats all for now, If you need some more such tips, ask your brother or sister or uncle or aunt or neighbor, in short any inmate of the corporate jungle. They’ll be glad to share, I’m sure

Anyway, the point is I don’t know why I was dying to start working!!!!N guess what?! I don’t even like shopping now!

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Author:

There is a deep and cosmological connection between my birth, my parent's decision to name me what they did, my profession and my education. This brings me to the conclusion that fate is predetermined and like in Hindu mythology, is written by Brahma when someone is born. Example: My name is unique. I did my grads in Psychology. I then did my masters in HR (offshoot of following all the psychos). I then did the ultimate decision of joining an MNC in ............. beat it, BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT. So, I have the concept 'MAD' in my name, my education, my choice of career and all the milestone decisions of my life. Now, is it predetermined or what ? :-D

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