You don’t understand.
No. Really you dnt
Most people will listen to you. They will nod sympathetically. And then they will say those two comforting heartfelt words: “I understand”. No shit!
Don’t get me wrong… I’m actually very grateful that you listened patiently, grateful for your sympathy, grateful that you simply didn’t run away while pulling your hair out after I narrated my saga… But you don’t understand. Everyone says it of course, including me, and I’m sure I’ll continue to do so. But you simply do NOT understand.
It may be your best friend; it may be your sibling; it may be your love. But they will not understand unless they are in exactly the same situation you are in. Placing yourself in someone else’s shoes does not work. You have to have a pair of that exact same broken in and worn out shoes of your very own. Sometimes even an absolute stranger or an enemy may understand better than your loved ones just because he/she has been through the SAME situation.
It’s simple. Suppose I have a problem. Let’s hypothetically say that my problem is that of a horrifying relationship which is making my life hell and not giving me any peace of mind, so much so that I have to resort to blah-ing to my friends about her and ranting about it on my blog. Now you can’t always seethe about itto someone who is in an amazing, out of the world relationship. Because that person will not really understand. They might sympathise, sure. But they will be thinking “My situation is so different. Man I’m lucky to have such a sweet love.” (Sympathetic nod and pat on shoulder) “How can she be feeling this way? Maybe she just doesn’t appreciate her relationship” (Aww you poor thing… he did that??? Tsk tsk…)“Hmmm…I wonder what ,my love will do to surprise me today…..”
Lame example but you get the picture. And there’s nothing wrong with it as such. It’s human nature. But find another with the same problem as you have and there you have a kindred spirit and there you have a person you can REALLY talk to. You can narrate and discuss and bitch freely without bothering that the other person will be horrified at what you say. Without wondering if you are the one in the wrong. Only here can you truly let your feelings out. Even if it’s an absolute stranger you’re talking to. And if this person happens to be your best friend/close confidante, so much the better for you. Not that I would wish all my problems on my best friend of course….
It’s happened to me. Having a friend you can talk to about anything and everything in the world except for a couple of topics which I could produce a tirade on for hours. And it was infuriating, having to hold that stuff in. I’ve found an outlet. Phew.
You know who you are…thank you for being the sunshine(well rain, really coz I love rain to sun :P) in my life..