Posted in m@dness


It is really difficult. I am not able to distinguish people.

I have always loved everyone. You know what I mean right?

Then, there was deception everywhere. I am not talking about the exterior wails that followed. I am talking about the internal mistrust that crops up in me, when I see people.

Now my office, I never expect back-stabs. Because I think I never do that, so why would people do it to me. But I am told, he might say he likes you and get everything out of you after he wins your trust, but not really true.

Ok, so what do I do? Do I trust you then? You seem to like me too! I am not the too-good-to-be-true type. I know it myself. I am not flawless. I love people and am willing to do anything to see them smile but if they get on my wrong side, god help them.

But I hate to believe that someone who I smile and joke with will not actually have the same attached feeling towards me. She says, Oh I missed you so much…and I think ok she did actually miss me. But when she is heard saying, Oh Thank God She was not Around…

What do I believe? What are relationships doing here? What the F*** does the word “trust” mean? I am in a state of mind, thanks to people, where I cannot trust anyone. To me, everyone seems to be using others, deceiving and cheating friends, taking others for a ride and back stabbing.  Trusting someone is beyond me now. I have been made to believe not to trust a single soul.

I want to be like them, taking people for a ride and use them only to discard them later on after taking full use of everything they are and have. Bah! I tried, but failed. No No. Not because I am naive or Ms Goody Two Shoes. I know the pain too much to be the cause for someone else’s distress.

The word Mistrust definitely should have had an extra S. That would have made more sense, miss trust.




There is a deep and cosmological connection between my birth, my parent's decision to name me what they did, my profession and my education. This brings me to the conclusion that fate is predetermined and like in Hindu mythology, is written by Brahma when someone is born. Example: My name is unique. I did my grads in Psychology. I then did my masters in HR (offshoot of following all the psychos). I then did the ultimate decision of joining an MNC in ............. beat it, BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT. So, I have the concept 'MAD' in my name, my education, my choice of career and all the milestone decisions of my life. Now, is it predetermined or what ? :-D

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