Posted in m@dness

Running away

Have you ever thought of running away? Yes, I have. A couple of times. On trips to Bangalore when I was my own and only company, I have thought of just running off to some place where not a soul would know me or find me. Its not that I have too many problems in life but there are problems that I really have to run away from. Thoughts and memories that keep coming back to me no matter what. And that is frustrating. I was never like this. I loved life. I had people telling me that I had a spark in me, a spark that would never go off even if I was having a bad time.

Now there isn’t anyone telling me anything. No spark, no people. I cry all the time..I get annoyed very fast.. I shout..I act bad to people…n Now, all I want to do is run!

I want to run away from everything. It was a point where I could just not put up with anything or anyone. I couldn’t take it any longer. I just want to run. I took a long way home one day to decide what I want to do in life and thought. I realised slowly as tears blurred my eyes that no matter where I run, I am never going to get any peace of mind. I realised it is not people who were pulling me down, it’s the thoughts and memories. People remind me of good times I had and how it all ended. They remind me of places, times and memories. I am carrying it all in my mind, afraid that if I let it go, I might not survive. I tried to cry it out, but then the pain turned into anger and I couldnt.

Running away…but lately  I have  realized, the one thing I want to run away from is the person I am… from myself… but darn- it just keeps coming with me wherever I go!

If one day, I muster the courage to run, don’t stop me n don’t come looking for me…

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Author:

There is a deep and cosmological connection between my birth, my parent's decision to name me what they did, my profession and my education. This brings me to the conclusion that fate is predetermined and like in Hindu mythology, is written by Brahma when someone is born. Example: My name is unique. I did my grads in Psychology. I then did my masters in HR (offshoot of following all the psychos). I then did the ultimate decision of joining an MNC in ............. beat it, BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT. So, I have the concept 'MAD' in my name, my education, my choice of career and all the milestone decisions of my life. Now, is it predetermined or what ? :-D

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