Pain is a funny thing. Just when you think the wound is healing and the scars are fading away,you get hurt in the same place and there is excruciating pain as though the wound is fresh. There should be some mechanism in the body (Read: mind) wherein the same wound doesnt pain as much as the first time. Its like you move on in life and try not to look back and all that and suddenly you meet people who knew you from the past and they ask you about the past you dont want to remember or talk about. Then again, you are thrown back into the abyss call the past.
Like I have mentioned earlier, I used to be this social person. Extremely social I would say. And then things changed. I don’t like people. I dont like meeting new people nor do I like catching up with people I used to know. New people means starting from scratch, talking about stuff, trying to make conversations, trying to have similar tastes and likes, spending time that you arent sure would do you any good or not and mostly letting yourself vulnerable to pain, again. People I know from long are a different story. I dont like them because they know too much from the past and I hate being burdened with it or questioned on it. I avoid them because they keep asking you questions from the life you once had, reminding you of tough times and crazy people and point fingers at you for not listening to them. Once again adding more volume to the pain. So either ways, people being people adds on to the pain.
Maybe I am becoming a sociophobic person. I do not know. I hardly use facebook, I blog as an unknown person, I dont make new friends and hardly make an effort to keep old ones, I listen to music on my headphone while travelling and gymming just to avoid conversations, I dont pick up phone calls unless the caller calls me twice simaltaneously and I avoid functions and social gatherings. Yes, I am becoming one helluva socio phobic person and have no qualms about it.
Isnt it truly funny, how much pain can actually change you? You simply have to ride it out, hoping that it goes away on its own, hoping that the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. It hits you so hard that you it just takes you down with it. You just have to fight through, because the truth is you can’t outrun it and life always makes more.