Posted in m@dness

Its ok to be bitter sometimes

I want to be a little cryptic today because I have a cold n It’s a  Tuesday morning, I’ve just spent an hour travelling not to mention that its a Tuesday which is church day and because I have a cold, the smoke from all the burning and burnt candles has made my nose OPEN up so I’m not feeling too willing to be understood. Therefore, cryptic.

 

Now the reason I am writing this bitter post is because I want to trust someone and open up to that person but I just cannot get myself to do it because YOU have changed me into someone who cannot trust anybody and made me lose complete confidence over myself! Sometimes people become cynical, bitter and full of regrets. They say things like “I wish I’d never met you”. I’m also feeling more bitter today than usual. But I will never regret the fact that I knew you. Maybe there are moments when I am your deepest regret, but then that is your cross to bear.

I don’t know why I scared you so much. I know that you find some sort of romantic glamour associated with being misunderstood. Maybe the fact that most of what I said to you seemed to reflect your most secret thoughts is the reason that you hardly let me say anything(speak my mind I mean). Being understood easily may have discomfited you, but I am not going to apologize(to myself) for being stupid enough to make you comfortable and secure.

It made me a little uneasy too, when you knew from the tone of my voice(whenever we last spoke) that I was pretending to be alright, but I never really considered running away from you.  So you fled, and now you stand atop your faraway mountain and smile down at me, confident in the knowledge that now you won’t see yourself in me anymore. You always were stupid.Always.

I miss your spirit, your being, which melded so easily with mine. I miss your presence, your very strange sarcastic laughter. I miss so much, and mostly I miss being the fun loving carefree chirpy thing I once used to be. I wince when I see you running away from mutual friends, from social gatherings that you know I would attend, from conversations that might bring me up; I’m embarrassed for your lack of acting skills because I know how good you are at acting, were atleast.

My only regret is that I’ve become so petty that I don’t really want you to recover. You’ve scratched my soul to a fair extent; I hope yours is damaged too. And I hope it hurts.

Hey dont ask me or call me or msg me or ping me regarding this. I know the person I wrote it for will read it and that serves the purpose I wrote it for.

Look, I am cynical, cryptic and cranky so please dont judge me,eh. I am a very nice person in general. Its just that sometimes I catch a cold and then all hell breaks loose. Today I have a cold.

“Born businessman that you are, you sold your body to me.

And I paid in love.

And that now my dear, is strangely a currency with the highest rate of depreciation.”

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Author:

There is a deep and cosmological connection between my birth, my parent's decision to name me what they did, my profession and my education. This brings me to the conclusion that fate is predetermined and like in Hindu mythology, is written by Brahma when someone is born. Example: My name is unique. I did my grads in Psychology. I then did my masters in HR (offshoot of following all the psychos). I then did the ultimate decision of joining an MNC in ............. beat it, BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT. So, I have the concept 'MAD' in my name, my education, my choice of career and all the milestone decisions of my life. Now, is it predetermined or what ? :-D

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