I have been attending trainings the whole of last week. Since I was outta office for a long time,somehow today it really felt like mo(a)nday morning! SO I am grumpy! There have been quite some stuff happening around here which kinda makes me think as to why it is so difficult to say no or maybe yes sometimes.
I’ve always thought that ‘yes’ and ‘no’ are both perfectly acceptable answers to questions such as ‘Am I getting the job’, ‘Is this person really worth the time’, ‘Did they like me’ etc. If the answer is a no and I’m the one at the receiving end, I won’t pretend that it doesn’t hurt just a wee bit. Heck, I might even stay in bed for a day and expect my friends to act like their lives have come to an end, now that my job/life in general has not worked out. But I’ll get over it. And see it for what it is. I chose to put my pride out there where it could get beaten to a pulp and it did! And the person ‘dishing it out’ was in actual fact, being fair to me, by not leading me on.
However, what I’ve observed and absolutely cannot fathom, is the tendency for people to avoid giving an answer altogether. When it comes to bad news, I’ve been on both sides of the fence. And I can say for a fact that it isn’t easy telling someone that something isn’t working or seeing someone’s work and being stuck with the responsibility of telling them that they ‘just don’t have it’. It’s cruel. It’s scary. But it’s honest. And it’s the harder and better thing to do. Because unlike the breakee, the breaker doesn’t have the luxury of self-pity to fall back on. Only the guilt of breaking someone’s heart or destroying someone’s dreams. I think the whole problem behind this kind of evasive, non-confrontational behaviour is the need to be liked. By everyone.
Thankfully, this is not one of my many needs.
So I’m usually unaffected by issues such as ”my family thinks you’re too headstrong’ or ‘my friends think you’re stuck up.’ My only response is ‘what do you think?’ and I silently smirk at the thought of how much we tune our lives to what other people think!?But who do you say that I am?’ Sure enough, the person in question, in an attempt to give a manly/womanly answer, meekly agrees that it doesn’t matter what everybody thinks. Except that it does. He/She’s one of those I-want-everybody-to-like-me-so-I-lie-to-keep-everyone-happy types, so the relationship goes on for as long as it possibly can on a foundation of lies!
Life would be so simple if people learnt to handle rejection gracefully and these evasive ones didn’t feel the need to be evasive anymore. Just think of how much time we could all save! Phew. Love might make the world go round. But ‘no’ makes it linear and less-complicated.