So today is the day, a year ago that I heard the husband’s name in my house for the first time. The day that Das came home and said “there is this proposal…..” And yes here we are now..4 months. Married. Happily Married.
I have cousins and friends who are of matrimonial age and are still clueless as to how to go about the whole matrimonial process. When I was in that phase, a few years ago, I had to go through the ordeal by myself sparing a few interventions of the nice kind from few friends and some blogs! So I for a change decided to adorn the experienced hat and give a few pointers to those who are out there in the matrimony market/shaadi mandi to help them with their doubts and apprehensions as to how to find the man/woman!
Here are a few things to keep in mind while you are at it 🙂
- Communication- Its highly underrated! But really, you need to be able to strike a conversation about anything and everything if you are going to spend the rest of your life with this person. One may think its not important but it is. Imagine you come back from work and rant about it to him/ her and they reply with an “Oh” only. You just have to talk it out. This is important and thats exactly why you need to talk for atleast a week before you agree to proceed.
- Personal Preferences- you dont need to tell them about all your personal preferences. But, you certainly need to tell them about the important ones. You are going to share the same space and live together. so you need to be clear about what you like and what you dont. Living with a stranger takes a bit of adaptation and so you gotta prepare yourself 🙂
- Looks- Although looks can be deceptive and most people say that looks arent of priority to them. It is. People who say that a person’s looks isnt too important to them are lying to themselves. Maybe it isnt as important for women as it is for men, but it is a point to ponder. Men look for physical chemistry just as women look for emotional support. A woman can, overtime, fall in love with a guy she doesnt initially like as the emotional bonds tends to create attraction a lot- the more emotionally connected, the more attractive a guy becomes! For men, it is still more physical. The way she carries herself, dresses etc. Men have to feel like there is no other women they want, to be able to settle down with a woman!
- Family compatibility- Extremely important! In India, we all know that when you marry, you marry the family too. Not just immediate, extended as well! You have to make sure your family is compatible with theirs. No you dont have to get along with all his/her relatives, but you certainly need to get along with those important to him/her!
- Upbringing- Now if you are a city bred, it is going to be difficult getting along with someone from who isnt from an urban background. Maybe you can get along too, but it will sure take extra effort. It helps if you have been in same cities etc. The cultures and upbringing definitely influence one’s behaviours and actions and hence it will help if both share the same:
And now finally:
Men, you need to expect the following from marriage or after marriage 🙂1. A bathroom which might smell like a tropical garden 2. Your cupboard, if shared, might seem to have more shades of pinks and reds and blues and greens. 3. The telephone isnt just used for communication, you’ll have to use it as a TV, gamebox because she will only use the TV to watch her serials and the Xbox will be used to consume space under the TV as she will give you that puppy face look as soon as you switch it on! 4. Friends of yours that used to hangout in cafes n clubs will start hanging out at your place along with friends of hers 🙂 5. No matter what, she will not be as good a cook as your mother!
Women, this is what you need to expect!1. He’s a boy and will remain that way unless an external force acts on him!Its upon you to help him grow. 2. Gastric effluents and scratchy underarms will have to be tolerated! LOL!!! This one is a bummer if you dont expect it! 3. Greys Anatomy, F.R.I.E.N.D.S etc aren’t the only things that the TV has. Sports is a part of their life and wrestling is also a sport. UNO isn’t according to them. 4. Repeat everything that they have to do atleast three times! Remind them often! If you want them to remember dates, put it on their calendar. 5. Accept it. Your father is the ONLY gentleman you’ll come across in your life 🙂
All this said, marriage is a wonderful thing! Finding the man may take time and the pressure might get to you but its worth the wait. Once you find that one person, then everything else will just fall into place. You may say, its easy,as I am over and done with it and believe me people told me to wait too. Now, I know it was definitely the wait! Good Luck to you!
Write to me, I’d be happy to hear your story 🙂