At some point of time we’ve all of had friends/relatives who’ve just delivered a baby. The one we cant just not wait to see! And how many times have we actually given unsolicited advice, even when we dont know a darn thing about it! So this post is on those little things. Trust me, this is from experience!
- Learn to say NO. Its your baby. And your husband’s of course. Nobody else can tell you what to do with the baby other than your own instinct. If you dont want others to carry your baby around, say no. If you want to co sleep with your baby, do so. If your “wellwishers” ( I’ll use this word to avoid any conflicts later) interfere in your time with your baby, say no! If you want to be left alone with your minion while your nurse, say so! Voice out.
- First few days.The first few days after your delivery is really weird. I know moms would say things like, I fell in love with the baby at first sight and I wanted to show the whole world my baby etc. There may be pepople like that. However, its mostly the other kind. The first days are mostly in the hospital. Its really bad. Firstly the mom s really tired. Natural labour isnt the only thing thats painful. Au contraire, c-sec can be really tiring and painful. Dont go visiting new moms in hospital unless you are the grandparents, immediate uncles/aunts of the newborn. Dont. Give the mother and child time to get used to the new world. Its really depressing for the new mom to be seen in their worst form.
- Breatfeeding. Its a really personal thing. A lot needs to be said about this. When a mother delivers, it is said that breast feeding should just come to her and the child, naturally. Thats bullshit. Some mothers are lucky if their kid drinks their milk and some children are lucky to nurse naturally. For a good number of mothers though, it isnt a natural process. It takes time. The baby and the mother needs to be comfortable and it really isnt just your own body. A lot of factors make this process of milk production n consumption succesfull. So relax. It will come and even if it doesnt, dont feel guilty. It really isnt your fault and the “bond” between you and the child will not be reduced just bcoz the baby doesnt take milk from you! The baby only thinks of you as its “beck n call” person for a good few months. Dont listen to people and their tips on feeding! Each mother, each baby, each body is different. Feel free to tell them to shut up. I did. It wont hurt their feelings as theyll say you are in stress due to all the labour :).
- Take time. You may not feel an attachment to the baby as soon as you see it. It may take awhile. It s completely normal. Rest is really all you need. Once you feel alright, take time to look at your baby and admire your creation. You will feel the love once you are ready for it.
- Guiltfree.You need rest and lots of it. Ask for help with the baby and sleep. Your body is your own, always remember that. You are bound tp feel like a cow initially. Everyone from the doctor to the maid will see your breasts. Well, the maid and the others neednt exactly. So ask to be alone when you are nursing. You may feel like crying because you are overwhelmed. Do it. Its really ok to cry. Listen to yourself. Feeling angry and depressed is not a crime.I struggle with finding my worth not in my family, but in my work and my hobbies (which I can no longer do). I struggle with being resentful towards my husband’s ability to come and go as he pleases. I struggle with finding my identity in how I look or what I accomplish. I struggle with the ‘all-encompassing’ new role of being a mother. I struggle with not having any time for myself. Accept it. Its the only way you can move on.
- Have food. Proper healthy food. You can diet later. Demand for food, if you dont get it on time. Scream for it. It is required. For milk, for energy and for just the sheer enjoyment of eating what you want.
Remember we all have good days and bad. Everything is a phase, a this too shall pass one. Enjoy it while it lasts. Just make sure that your priorities are set right. It is your baby and you first.