Posted in m@dness

Off to make history

Some people believe that without history, our lives amount to nothing. At some point we all have to choose: do we fall back on what we know, or do we step forward to something new? It’s hard not to be haunted by our past. Our history is what shapes us… what guides us. Our history resurfaces time after time after time. So we have to remember sometimes the most important history is the history we’re making today. On that note I must say I am off on a much needed break to the city that I have always loved to go back to, to make sure I have an interesting history to share with my kids. I know I will not be able to go there often like before and so this time I want to make the most of it. I also need to get there to gather some good amount of courage for the days to come and also to say goodbye forever to a whole lot of memories. I decided to go all on a sudden as I really needed some jolt of freshness and change. Change is something that none of us like and most of us fear, but we can’t stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. And it hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn’t is lying. But heres the truth: the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Oh, sometimes, change is … everything.

So off I go to Bengaluru. Till Monday, have fun, stay safe and enjoy a happy looong weekend. To all my friends who are believers of christ, Wish you and your family a very happy easter:)

Posted in close to heart

An affair to remember

Everyone has affairs. Every one! If you meet someone who tells you they havent, slap them coz they are lying! I have been having this one for about 3 years now and it still feels like the first day. I have had flings before but this one has been the longest.I am still in love, just as much as i was when I was first introduced to it, 9 years ago.

Bengaluru Bangalore.

Hosur…Electronic City….Silk board..Madiwala…Forum…Bannerghatta Road…Koramangala…Commercial Street..Brigade Road…Indira Nagar…Bangalore Central…Blossoms…..Garuda Mall…Nalli…Nandi Hills…Cheap Chinese…KFC and McD…..Corner house…Chaai in 4 cm tall cups…smell of cigarattes..Eva mall…men that smell of alcohol and expensive perfume…Lal Bagh…Cubbon Park..Trinity Circle…..MG Road…. Utility Building…Stones…..Bunkers… UB City…Phoenix Mall…..Autowalas with attitude…..the many many palyas and hallis and puras n more

I came to Bengaluru first when it was Bangalore. And just because people want to change the name and already have, I am not going to call it by any other name.Its weird that there is something about this place that I am not able to define. Like, Coimbatore- I usually get a feeling of  nostalgia and  its always been about soaking in the culture or the lack of it ,Bombay gives me that mad rush feeling, it makes me want to run and catch up to something or the other at that moment . With Kottayam its always that at home feeling. Pondichery is another town I have a long history with and thats a post for another day. With all the other cities and towns I have traveled to, the relation I have maintained with them have always been similar to that of a One Night Stand. But with Bengaluru Bangalore, I am not able to pin point what it is that I love about it. The city has an aura of being nice and sweet and kind of small towned with the new city atmosphere jostling in space with an old town feeling. For every morning that I wake up in Bengaluru  Bangalore, the city gives me one more reason to fall in love with it.

There is the yellow and purple spring in Bengaluru Bangalore with a mild chill in the morning; The hot summer which starts off with the pleasant smell of summer holidays and the chirping birds by mid to late March; The pre-monsoon bursts of May to cool off the summer, the monsoons heralded by the heavy winds of June; the wet months of July, August and September, the gloomy months of October and November; followed by the cold nights and chilly but sunny days of December and January. And to add to all of that, a weather that is cool all around the year. Bengaluru  Bangalore, you are not just green n brown like Cochin, you are colourful. The riot of colours that you have has always made me feel as if I was in some exotic land, The bright reds, the lovely oranges, the delightful pinks, the lemony yellows, you sure are colourful!

The multitudes of people that swarm its streets every day aren’t in that mad rush like in Mumbai or snail paced like in Cochin. Its a healthy pace. Its called the garden city but not once have I sat down in any of those and my affair has nothing to do with roses and lilies!  The malls and shopping areas have been the most expensive stress busters  I have come across but they are really good. A must recommend! The streets of Commercial, Brigade and Koramangala that I have mindlessly wandered innumerable times. The canopy at select residential locations in Koramangala that offers you a beautiful walk to get your creativity bubbling.The infinte number of restaurants that has a meal for everyone. From 20 Rs biriyani to the high end ones. A meal for all budgets. Isn’t that a gastronomical delight or what!

Most importantly, no matter how crowded n polluted the city might look to people, it gives me a sense of calm. Probably because unlike the place I come from, here, people aren’t bothered about what you do, how you look and they just stick to their own business. Even friends in this city do not probe into the nitty grittys of your life and leave you by yourself. The city offers you a strange peace, atleast to me it does. It has given me strength whenever I thought I couldnt go on, it has protected me many a time from realities if life, it has given me much needed warmth on cold nights and it has given me love just when I needed it. People call it the garden city and they do that for a reason. However, if I was to give it a tag, it would be Soul City.

So…as for my affair with this lovely land..it shall continue for eons to come. After all, it is the city I was reborn in and the city that made me understand life, holistically.

Until next time, Ill miss you.

 

Posted in m@dness

Off I go

Like I said yesterday, or tried to say, I need a break. I convinced myself that I deserve a break. SO I am taking one. 3 days of no access to internet and very very very limited access to phone calls(not that i have limited access but i am going to make it less accessible). No, its not a cheap publicity stunt 😉

Traffic Jams.. Software engineers….IT Parks…Metro….Mallus….Malls….Flyovers….Dogs….and beyond all this there is a strange calmness that this city offers…and I realise that my heart is racing as though I am going back to my long lost love.

So…off to bangalore(it still is bangalore for me and not n never will be bengaluru) to bug the Big M and D. Lets see how much of peace they can bring. Oh and am tagging dad along too just so that we dont get too hyper or carried away!  I have always, always looked forward to going to Bangalore because I left there with a longing to return  but this time I am not looking forward to shopping or eating or anything of that sort.. Just peace and i know that, that city can offer lots of it.

So its ciao from me till next Monday. Enjoy your weekend……and am singing…”Leaving on a jet plane” to no one in particular…

P.S- Miss me…okay?

Posted in m@dness

Running away

Have you ever thought of running away? Yes, I have. A couple of times. On trips to Bangalore when I was my own and only company, I have thought of just running off to some place where not a soul would know me or find me. Its not that I have too many problems in life but there are problems that I really have to run away from. Thoughts and memories that keep coming back to me no matter what. And that is frustrating. I was never like this. I loved life. I had people telling me that I had a spark in me, a spark that would never go off even if I was having a bad time.

Now there isn’t anyone telling me anything. No spark, no people. I cry all the time..I get annoyed very fast.. I shout..I act bad to people…n Now, all I want to do is run!

I want to run away from everything. It was a point where I could just not put up with anything or anyone. I couldn’t take it any longer. I just want to run. I took a long way home one day to decide what I want to do in life and thought. I realised slowly as tears blurred my eyes that no matter where I run, I am never going to get any peace of mind. I realised it is not people who were pulling me down, it’s the thoughts and memories. People remind me of good times I had and how it all ended. They remind me of places, times and memories. I am carrying it all in my mind, afraid that if I let it go, I might not survive. I tried to cry it out, but then the pain turned into anger and I couldnt.

Running away…but lately  I have  realized, the one thing I want to run away from is the person I am… from myself… but darn- it just keeps coming with me wherever I go!

If one day, I muster the courage to run, don’t stop me n don’t come looking for me…

Posted in m@dness

From Lappie, With love

My Laptop,lappie has panache!

It’s battered, bruised, chipped, cracked, marred, used and abused but it has a certain charm to it. It calls out to you and says,

“Hey look at me, I am something special, so what if I am not perfect, there is perfection in my imperfect existence. I have lived a full and rich life, seen things others haven’t, done some pretty wild things and been in some weird locales.  I am a wanderer with his heart rooted in one place called “home.”

If only I had blood running through my veins, I would dip my pen in it and write my life story but since I have just some wires and a chip in me, I will tell you my story in the only way I can, by way of text. The crack that you see near the touch pad is due to the fact that M@d had the habit of keeping me on 24/7, 365 days a year. She never slept and never let me sleep either. She kept me up from morning to night and then again from night to morning. Especially while she was studying for Human Resource. Ask her friends:Ash,Tee, Gij, Somettan,Raakri etc. She ran on chicken and made me run on electricity.

My charger tanked and gave up half way through the second year of our association of 5 years. The motherboard had heated up and ignited and burnt making a crack appear on my being, my inner turmoil was exposed to the cruel eyes of the indifferent world. Each and every scratch on my body has an interesting story to tell. Now I am as good as a desktop. I can’t move around like my siblings, I have to be rooted to a spot or move around only as far as the wire lets me; I am a prisoner of my own chord and not accord. The charger is always plugged in from start to shut down, have no life without it.:( Its like the ventilator thingie you humans get wired to at the end of your lives.

I have played songs for her, millions of songs, sad, happy, and angry and some romantic ones in between the angry and happy ones. But mostly soft, melodious ones, she loves music and I have fallen in love with it too. There was a time when she used to play some stupid farm games on some site.  I tried my best to dissuade her from playing that game by  taking time load the page and all that but she still wouldnt let go. Finally someone got some sense into her head n she stopped farming!Another thing she likes is writing. She used to write on word earlier n now she has started writing on her blogs directly. She is a piece of work, and I have been her side kick for 5 years. We make a good team. I love her energy and enthusiasm. She rocks and so do I.

Then there were her projects and assignments, the actual reason her father bought me and let her keep me. The research, downloading, printing, reprinting has driven me mad but I have become an amateur professional because of her. Thanks to m@ds I now know about HR laws, Marketing jargons and process and have become a professional in cut-copy-paste!

She used to take me to some crazy places: the library(just for horror), to cocoa tree(she used to get free wi fi there), her friend’s place, her class(to chat and pull rajeev’s leg), MG Road, Kakkanad, Kalamassery, Kottayam, Bangalore…haa watta life! I have been exposed to all the elements, sun, rain and wind. Sometimes she and her friends have spilled coke and coffee on me other days noodle and soup. She is one sloppy eater but she has never hurt me, never let me fall from her grasp and grace. She has always protected me and cared for me in her wild, careless way. She has loved me more than she has loved anybody in her entire 25 years or so I hope 😛

We made a good team, like that strange dog on tv and its master, Dumb and dumber etc. I battle scarred and she the same, both valiantly charging ahead in life, against all odds, unafraid, passionate about life and its discoveries. Looking forward to another day in the sun or rain. Unafraid, enthusiastic and happy to be alive, living every moment, enjoying it and appreciating the ironies of life. ”

 

LAppiee, I love you still!!! I would never trade  you for anything in the world…..

Stand by me!

Posted in close to heart, m@dness

One year n Many changes

From the day I turned 24 last year,

the friends at the Birthday table have changed.

One of them from the previous table is becoming a mom.

I traveled to quite a number of tourist spots.

The one great love, i figured is super scared of commitment and still is.

I gave Bangalore a whirl, made a mess and came back to God’s own country.

I moved on in life,leaving some people( who dont even realise am gone) behind.

I met a long lost friend and made a vow never to lose him again.

I made some good friends at work

I seem to have less interest in facebook.

I have learnt to cook without burning anything.

I wear skirts and shorts without fear of recrimination or eve teasing.

I have started saving money!!

I am beginning to see the goodness in churidars, sarees and kurtis.

I found a strong support system.

My new nail polish of choice is pink.

Three of the people I thought would always stay married is still married 🙂

I rediscovered my love for singing.

And discovered my leadership skills.

I am now on highly civil behavior even with the people i hate the most

I have started reading like there is no tomorrow.

And it can only get better from here…..

Happy Birthday to me 🙂