Posted in The Chronicles of A

You are two!

Dear Ami,

We have known you for exactly 2 years and 10 months. Almost 1000 days. You are a part of us now. I have always taken pride in the fact that unlike your dad, am very verbal. I speak my mind. However, it now scares me to think that i may or may not be in a position to tell you what I want to tell you. So I am going to write you a letter every year to tell you things I may not remember to.

I had no clue what to do with you! For the past 2 years, you have been the number one source of my worry and happiness! As you learned, I learned too. You were neither my need nor want. You were probably the way god showed me what  my purpose in life was. And what a gift it was! Everyday since the day I have known you, I have prayed for you, over you. My little ami, I have loved every moment with you, but it has been painful and exciting to see the time pass and to see you grow into the beautiful person you’re meant to be. Painful because I want to freeze time and memorize your speech, your tiny fingers, and tiny toes. I want to remember your funny faces, your laugh, and your love for life. Painful because I want the moments of you crying out for me to last forever but painful because never do I wish to see you hurt. Painful because I know this time is too precious. I want time to slow down so that we can hold on to these cherished days forever. But it’s also been exciting, too. To hear you say words and then 3 word sentences to 4 and 5 word sentences. To see yyou run n jump. Recite nursery rhymes and hear you catch new words. I had my heart ripped out when I had to take the decision of putting you at a daycare. I want you to know it wasn’t easy. But you my tiny ami, made it easy for me.

I want you to smile my dear. It is so pure that it really will make another’s world seem brighter. And you my dear, have the power to change the world with your smile. Over compliment people. Make their day! Love wholeheartedly and unconditionally. People will hurt you n rip your soul but that is when I want you to remember the time you learnt to walk. You fell, tore your skin, ripped your knee, cried but you still walked. You ran, infact. All it takes is try.  You are exquisite dear. To me, no matter what happens, you will be number 1. you will be my most special human being! I want you to know yourself, to know your soul. To do that, you must be truthful to yourself. Your conscience must be clear at all times. I know I will raise you well and so I know that the choices you make will be wise.

And always always always remember, what made the stars, made you too. Never doubt the light you shed. And last but not the least ever, on the days you feel low,remember that the man who said he loves you first, still does and will always mean it and the woman who first kissed you, did so, unconditionally. We will always be there for you and accept what you want to be. We will be your Armour and Shield.

Happy Birthday Princess.

Posted in The Chronicles of A

You are One!

The year 2014 was when we celebrated our 1st Anniversary and it was a real roller-coaster year. In the midst of all that chaos, we had you. You were our sunshine. The reason we held on to our sanity and the reason we had a smile. You see, your father and I celebrated you. Over and over again, we celebrated your arrival. We spent months planning, talking about the type of parents we wanted to be, the things we would do with you as you grew up, the things we wanted to teach you.
Becoming a mother has been life changing for me. The minute they pulled you out of me, a part of me started living outside of my body. You came into this world and you made me want to be better. So much of my attitude and quite a lot of my character has changed and I can’t think of anyone else in this entire world that has that sort of power over me. I have made mistakes and I know I am not the perfect mother. But you my dear has been the perfect little daughter. I have gathered my strength from you and you have given me the courage whenever I have felt that I am not doing a good job.
My dear Ami, I look at you sometimes and see how innocent you are. In such a short span you have managed to teach me some of life’s biggest lessons. You fall and get up a zillion times but manage to keep trying until you are up on your own. You smile at everyone and everything and force me to believe that there is goodness in the world after all. This world isn’t always a pretty place and I look at how you’re untouched by the negativity in the world and I wonder how or if this world will change you. I pray it doesn’t.  I pray you always know how beautiful you are inside and out, and how amazing you are. I pray that God keeps you safe always. There will be people that don’t believe in you, but I believe in you.  There will be people that say things about you that you may not like, things that hurt your feelings or make you feel a certain way, but I believe you’re strong enough to ignore them and continue down the path that is destined for you.  You’re destined for amazing things and I truly believe that whatever you set your heart and your mind to, you will succeed.  You are our daughter and we will make sure you are equipped with the things you need in this life to be a good person with a huge heart. I want you to be good to others. I hope you always lend a helping hand to someone in need. I hope someone will lend a helping hand to you when you’re in need.  I pray that no matter where this life takes you, you always know your mom and dad are here for you, and that you always have a place to call home. No matter what happens, we will stand by you. I want you to count your blessings everyday and say thank you for all that life has given you.
Its been a tough year Ami. The only nice thing that has happened, is you. However, I am grateful that your dad and I were around to see your first smile, to see your first set of tooth, hear you say “acha”, watch you roll over and stand up.
Oh Ami, I pray so hard for you to one day find someone to love you the way your dad and I love each other. I want you to know that unconditional love does exist. I want you to see that inspite of all the hardships, turmoils, fights and arguments that your father and I have, we love each other and stand by each other at all times.
I’m still so very uncertain of whatever I have done to deserve such a beautiful and amazing baby girl. You are the center of our universe and that will never change.We love you more than anything in the whole world.
Happy first birthday my dearest. We love you forever and a day. May you always smile and may you always be blessed.
Love always,
Acha and Amma

Posted in close to heart

Always daddy’s little girl

I was going to post this on December 15th , when my Das turned 70. Ahem, mind you, he is just 70 by age. He is as fit as 40 and as young as 30 in his mind. Daddy dearest, this one is for you. I want you to know that, you are my number one and will always be my number one.

Humble and soft-spoken.With the mannerisms of a gentleman, jet black eyes, thinning hair, grey beard and moustache and a smiling face, he’s a statuesque man exuberating charm, grace and humility. A man of principles, a man who walks with his head held high and walks in a manner that commands respect. A man with a big warm heart and an open mind, who isn’t bound by shackles of tradition or social norms. A man who’d miss a cricket tournament to sith and watch a re re re run of F.R.I.E.N.D.S with his daughter. A man who compromised his whole life to make hers better and brighter.A man who made sure there would be no fingers raised to question his daughter’s upbringing. A man who made sure she attended every singing competetion in the state and a man who during her innumerable performances clapped the loudest. A man who made silly faces when presented  cards with  scrawny handwriting that said “To the bestest, daddy dearest”. A man who’d see the child wrap presents for Father’s Day and still act surprised when she gives him the gift next day.The man who’d carry the school bag till the busstop and wait till she gets on the bus. A man adamant on not buying a new shoe however obsolete and frayed the old one became. A man who never said no to a new dress or accessory no matter how extravagant and unnecessary. A man who’d ignore his urge to buy new clothes or shoes so that his princess can get that gadget she was craving for. A man who’ll perform random deeds of kindness and laugh his way through bad times. Who’ll smother her with a bear hug after she has confessed to a petty crime. The dad who will keep the door to his room open after they’ve watched a horror movie so that she can walk in anytime.

The dad, my dad, my brother’s first super hero and my first love.  He’s the life of every group. The man in the center of a crowd. Entertaining everyone with witty jokes. Loved by kids and adults alike. Agony Uncle to God father to Secret Santa to Amazing human being to cool granduncle to doting dad to sincerest husband.

I’m truly and utterly thankful for every time that he forgave me, for every word of advice, for every smile that touched my eyes,for every sacrifice. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for making me believe without a doubt that unconditional love does exist. My Das is the Bestest Dad in the whole world!


Posted in close to heart

Happy Birthday to you my dearest

24th May 2012. It was around this time, that I first laid my eyes on you. Since then, you have been my  most special. Those round, clear eyes.. Red cheeks and soft hands and legs with fingers that showed promises of growing long. I knew right then that you’d be the star wherever you were and I wasnt wrong about you stealing hearts wherever you went. At just one, you already are. You were born to be special. You always were and will always be special.

Your parents were my special two before you came along. For me, you were special at first sight. My first born will always be my second child. I may not see you quite often but you will always be in my thoughts and prayers.

And above all, there is one truth you should know. It is after I laid my eyes on you for the first time that I realised what I wanted from life. It was the one thing that made me get back to life. Thank you for coming into my life and changing it the way you did. No matter what, I will always love you. Always. Period.

Happy Birthday to my most special one.

Happy Birthday Lilian.

May you be blessed with the best that life can offer.

May you grow into a fine, independent and bold woman like your mother.

May you have the charm and humility like your father.

May you have an abundance of happiness and the strength to face life in all its magnitude.

May you live your life in all its glory.

These are my wishes for you, today and everyday.


Posted in close to heart

Happy Bday Das

It’s your birthday! In a day I mean. Its funny how, as a child, I never considered the possibility that parents have birthdays too. I selfishly assumed that being born and being celebrated for one’s birth is a privilege accorded only to children. Parents were too old and worldly wise to need, or even to appreciate, such trivial things as birthdays. But today I feel the need to wish you a happy birthday, to celebrate your life, your love, all that you give to us that I cannot even begin to understand.

You have always had an unbelievable amount of energy and life in you, and such incredible bluster that the rest of the world never got to know how fearful you always were, of just about everything. It was only as I grew older that I saw your vulnerability and appreciated your grace. You have taught me integrity, the importance of detail, the meaning of multitasking long before it became jargon, how to cook, how to love new clothes, how to be obsessive about things that mattered the most like love,family,perseverance and above all patience and humility. You also passed on to me a complete disregard about what other people thought. It was quite an experience being your child. It still is, you know.

Then you became my child. I hated it, completely. I wasn’t prepared, and I didn’t have the capability to slip into the new role gracefully. I protested, rather ungratefully, and I know it hurt you. Kids are selfish, you know? They aren’t really programmed to think about anything apart from themselves. Sometimes I wonder how things would’ve been if I’d been a little older, a lot wiser. But you didn’t even give up then! You still gave me the courage to take care of you and get you back on your feet and my lord, you are back at it like a phoenix! I used to blame my lack of courage and boldness till a while ago.Now, maybe because of the things that have been happening with me, I think I’ve realized that thinking that I could’ve changed everything had I done something differently is being too presumptuous about my role in the larger scheme of things, that life and death are so much bigger than you and I and what we do or fail to do.

So Das, enough of senti stuff and all that! I know you damn well to know that by now you would be all :(. You have taken it as a challenge and I know I can see you in your glam form in just about 2 months time.I just want you to know that I dont think my life would’ve been any better or different than it already is even if amma was around. You have never made me miss her. I knw how difficult i wouldve been for you to raise me single handedly and trust me you have done a fine job at that. Ya i know I cant say that but I have asked around and people say the same thing too. SO you relax and enjoy your life and spend more time doing things you want to do!!


Here’s to this year and many more to come! I promise you ill send you to see EGYPT and AFRICA soon! Have a fantastic bday tomorrow :0


Posted in m@dness

Birthday Effects

I bet you have had friends who have put up statuses like this on FB. Well, here is something an FB friend put up on her bday:

Never thought that I would have so many surprises lined up for my birthday which I thought would be otherwise low-key. Thanks everyone for everything. I am glad you are with me, my precious!!! :) ) :D .

And it somehow got me thinking on the relevance of birthdays among the two sexes and the common sentiment associated with it.
Girls, as far as I know never have celebrated a “low-key birthday“. Yet, the reference for a low key birthday is obvious even when they know it has never ever happened to them.Its true! I do not know one girl apart from Div(on of my best gals) who doesnt make a huge thing about the day they were born. They(Read:We) just have to celebrate it and bring on the year with as much noise as possible!Gifts, surprises, parties, new clothes, etc are mandatory!
Guys, on the other hand stand a very good prospect of celebrating a low-key birthday. Many instances would come to my mind in substantiating my stand on this. When they(the guys) are single (either by choice or chance) or stood up in life, there is a good enough possibility of it going low key coz nobody really cares apart from they themself. On the other hand, even if they are in a “thing” (as is the trend nowadays), they might still have a girlfriend who wouldn’t remember the dates and would blame the guy for the mishap that was his birthday. But then, they are women so the men don’t make it such a big issue and tend to forgive.
Imagine if they had swapped roles and forgot their girlfriend’s birthday, they can be rest assured that the marching orders would be ready soon enough. :) There comes the aspect of relevance. I cant think of many men who would think of their birthdays being the most important days of their life. But on the other hand, its quite natural for women to feel so.
Coming to the common sentiment associated part, I found something amazing in the world today. The common sentiment associated with your birthday here is in loose terms, “something of a pure joy of growing old and having accomplished a milestone in life“. This is actually the most common sentiment  on a global scale, and you end up spending a fortune to let the world know that you are growing old. This is quite a contradiction to someone like me who thinks that birthdays are just one more way of god telling you that you have one year less to the grave. Thus I never understood the whole concept of celebrating it ever since I was 17, I think. I still am unsure which of the versions is the right one, but continue to go about mine for the sake of convenience and comfort.
Well coming to how I celebrated mine. Mine was a good day with a first surprise that came from Ms M in the form of a lovely cake and her presence! Then it came in the form of a bunch of friends(lets say family) that drove all the way down just to see me smile! Oh and they bought along a nice yummy cake too that I finished! So that was two cakes in a day! And then off we went for a nice drive n some shopping and some laughing and what not. Lil was the highlight. The kid can make just about anyone’s worst day into a super amazing day! Well birthdays become special when there are people around, people you love. I thought I’d have the worst bday ever but it was fine. Yes I did miss Big B. I always do. I dreamt of him that morning where he wished me and gave me a nice hug. So in many ways my day was good and I made it a point to make sure that nothing would affect my temperament that day and I succeeded!
And 26 years later, I realised that if you want to succeed and if you want to live happy, you just have to put your own life and happiness above anything else. Life cannot make you happy, you gotta make life happy!
So happy living!!!
P.S- I am getting old,aint I!? Oops!
Posted in close to heart, m@dness

Over and done with 25

And another one bites the dust. I am supposedly one year older younger, one year wiser and one year more beautiful than I was last year. Come on, technically my new year starts tomorrow and not on Jan 1st. No prizes for guessing!

This was an important year. More important than I had ever imagined. I did so much n so much happened to me. I lost my best friend to death. I broke my heart. I failed and succeed. I saw my dad battling it out with cancer. I wrote obsessively. I scored. I prayed. I hated. I traveled. I almost got fired. I quit a lot of things. I infatuated myself with getting back in form or shape rather. I left friends behind. I made bonds that I know would last a lifetime. I experimented with my sanity. I experienced I gave up on forever.

Would I do it all over again if I get a chance? Probably not. Some seasons should never come back and this was one of those seasons.

But I’ve also learnt a lot this year. I learnt that things don’t always turn out the way you planned, or the way you think they should, and it is not necessarily a bad thing.I’ve learnt that death is inevitable.  And I’ve learnt that there are things that go wrong that don’t always get fixed or get put back together the way they were before. I’ve learnt that good people also hurt you – no matter how good they are, at some point they are bound to hurt you too and its alright. I’ve learnt that relationships are fickle. They should not be measured by how long you have known someone, but how deeply you have enjoyed.I’ve learnt that your life isn’t something that just about anyone can throw around. You have to make your life love you! I’ve learnt that some broken things stay broken, and I’ve learnt that you can get through bad times and keep looking for better ones, even when you don’t have people who love you. I have learnt that if you do put your heart and soul into something, things can get done. I have learnt that the sooner you let go, the better it is. I also learnt that you gotta fight it out sometimes.

And now I stand here in this strangely familiar city, in this not so pleasant weather, trying to find a direction. There are no familiar faces around to guide me, no matter how hard I try to look for them, but I know why that is. They are not supposed to be here. Its my time to get up myself and figure it out. Otherwise I will never learn.

But the good news is that once I get up and put myself together, work up the courage to turn the corner of the street I had been looking at for such a long time now, I will bump into a stranger(or maybe not so much of a stranger), we will smile at each other and somehow all will be well again. Its only a matter of getting up and turning around that corner. I know I’m still a little bent, a little crooked, but I can’t complain. After bearing through all kinds of abuses this year and crashing into dead ends and living through hell, I feel better now than I did a few months ago. I might have some scar tissue, but that’s alright, I’m still making progress.

Soooooo, here’s to another year of kicking and struggling and loving, and working up the nerve to take that turn and find out what’s around that corner. HEre’s hoping that my dream of finding love and being a little happy comes true atleast this year. Here’s wishing that I do a few good things and a few things right this year and here’s praying that I don’t lose out anymore on people that I love.

Happy birthday life! You definitely make 26 look goooooood!!!

Posted in m@dness

Happy birthday. Happy, Really?!?!

Warning: I am in an extremely cynical mood today!

People are right when they say that birthdays after 25 are never a happy thing. I don’t want anything to do with my birthday this year. I don’t want the cake and candles, the flowers and the phone calls. I don’t want a guest list or the gifts. I love being in the spotlight, but I do not want the attention this time. Does it sound totally ridiculous to not want a birthday at all – just this year?!

What will my birthday cake be like – chocolate truffle or gooey chocolate or whatever? Do I really care except for their calorie count? What will I wear on my birthday. So many silly celebrations later, do I really care? What do I want this birthday? If you can’t think, why should I?

Maybe, it has something to do with growing up and realising that your birthday is just another day in the calendar. Maybe, it’s because I’m feeling fat. Maybe, it has nothing to do with any of this. Maybe, it’s the fuss that I’m fretting over. Maybe I don’t want people to make a big deal about the day I was born because these people don’t remember me on other, more important days of the year. Maybe, I’m just not in the mood.Maybe its because a few people who were around on my bday last year will not be around this year. Maybe its coz  i am pretty sure that by my next bday, I’ll no longer be single. Maybe these are what they call birthday blues. So why can’t I postpone my birthday this year?

P.S- Maybe I am in this bad mood today and might feel totally opposite tomorrow. So in case you do plan to  make my birthday special,  don’t back out! Get at it!

Posted in close to heart, m@dness

One year n Many changes

From the day I turned 24 last year,

the friends at the Birthday table have changed.

One of them from the previous table is becoming a mom.

I traveled to quite a number of tourist spots.

The one great love, i figured is super scared of commitment and still is.

I gave Bangalore a whirl, made a mess and came back to God’s own country.

I moved on in life,leaving some people( who dont even realise am gone) behind.

I met a long lost friend and made a vow never to lose him again.

I made some good friends at work

I seem to have less interest in facebook.

I have learnt to cook without burning anything.

I wear skirts and shorts without fear of recrimination or eve teasing.

I have started saving money!!

I am beginning to see the goodness in churidars, sarees and kurtis.

I found a strong support system.

My new nail polish of choice is pink.

Three of the people I thought would always stay married is still married 🙂

I rediscovered my love for singing.

And discovered my leadership skills.

I am now on highly civil behavior even with the people i hate the most

I have started reading like there is no tomorrow.

And it can only get better from here…..

Happy Birthday to me 🙂

Posted in m@dness

Happy Birthday to me

So how does turning 25 feel, well for the first time ever I feel I AM GROWING OLD !! I ve always been this really enthusiastic kinda girl about birthdays and stuff and never looked at it as “Oh, I’m a year older !!!!” Look I think its got to do with the fact that I beleive my generation will have a maximum life span of 50 🙂
I remember my close friend and room mate from hostel :) !Her birthdays would be something she never really looked forward too because they reminded her that she is growing older. She would sit in front of the mirror and keep saying the same thing Maaaaaaaad, I m growing older !! sigh!” and  I would watch her and laugh and laugh and say YOU ARE MAD  !!!
 wish she was here with me today and I could tell her how I feel about turning 25 !! It feels a little strange, as though 25 is like a huge huge number !! But anyway as I reflect all I can say is that I’ve had good times and bad times but I wouldn’t trade anything in the world for these 25 years that I have lived !!
A wonderful family, that loves me so dearly.YOU ROCK !!
A great set of friends, who have been by me always, through the highs and the lows- thank you all
A secure job- one that is fun too :)
Food to eat, every single day!
Thank you God for the joys that you give, thank you for helping see the beauty in the many small things and for making me believe again that YOU LOVE ME !! As I turn a year older now,I pray that
….I would still be in love with the many small things – a whiff of fresh air, a good cup of coffee, a downpour, a book and a warm quilt
….That mindless laughter sessions would never die
….I would travel more,  a lot more , lot lot lot more !!!
…. My dad sees some sense that I am still young and immature and not at all ready to become marriage material!
….I continue to do good for others and not let anyone who has trust and faith in me,down.
….. I get the courage to fight the challenges n hurdles in my life.
…..I get the will to fight against my body, resist temptation and become thin!
…..I continue to be a good hearted soul!
Happy Birthday to me 🙂