Posted in close to heart

Not(e) in the mood- 8

The dream is this: that we’ll finally be happy when we reach our goals. Get a decent job, find the man, start a family…. that’s the dream. Then we get there. And if we’re human, we immediately start dreaming of something else. Because if this is the dream then we’d like to wake up. Now, please.

At some point, maybe we accept that the dream has become a nightmare. We tell ourselves that the reality is better. We convince ourselves it’s better that we never dream at all. But the strongest of us, the most determined of us, we hold on to the dream.

Or, we find ourselves faced with a fresh dream we never considered. We awake to find ourselves… against all odds…. feeling hopeful. And if we’re lucky… we realize, in the face of everything, in the face of life… the true dream… is being able to dream, at all

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Posted in Uncategorized

Tell me your dreams

My father says dreams happen to people who have unfullfilled things to do in life. He says it takes a lot of effort to dream. Its like you are so active that you dont even rest while you sleep! Dreams, the stories that our mind weaves when we are asleep. And also the visions for future which keep us awake for nights. Dreams are also the hopes that keep us alive when the real world disappoints us. If you ask me, dreams are magnificent journeys that never cost us anything, but are invaluable in the way they make us thrive, inspire us and push us to seek more. In our dreams (especially the ones we see with open eyes) we are strong, we are powerful, we are beautiful, creative and we are forever young. In short, we are everything we aspire to be.
I for one, am an addicted, incorrigible dreamer. I dream with my eyes open and closed. I dream about so many things and people – and so often that at times I find it difficult to believe that they don’t exist. I mean, I get such vivid memories of these dreams that I wonder if in my old age I would actually start considering them real. I dream myself alive. I dream of fascinating places …or experiences I would never have. I dream myself as an eagle sitting on a branch of tree overlooking a valley. I dream myself falling from the peaks enjoying the fall. I also sometimes dream weird. I see deaths and destructions. I see myself trapped in a place. These moments are so real for my mind that I am sure the real experience would not be much different from that.

I am sure there have always been people like me who believe so seriously in dreaming. There are mornings when I wake up giggling with the memory of some weird dream and there are those sudden frightful moments when I force myself to open my eyes to escape some scary dream. There is a good reason why in all ancient cultures and civilisations we have sayings about dreams. We even had people who could interpret dreams.

Many celebrated poets and writers, mathematicians and scientists claim to find their inspirations and discoveries in their dreams. I read about mathematician Srinivasa Ramanujam, who claimed that a goddess , would appear and present mathematical formulae in his dreams which he would verify after waking. The tune for “Yesterday” came to Paul McCartney in a dream… and so did the idea of Frankenstein to Mary Shelly. Many others kings, statesmen and writers found their dreams guiding them in real life. I totally buy these stories as I have firsthand experience of such guiding dreams.
It is generally believed that the mind plays tricks with our dominant thoughts and concerns to put across a blend of scenes, sounds and emotions as the dreams. But then how does one explain the totally unrelated dreams about things you do not know exist and places you have never been to. I guess, it is this dilemma that led to the explanation that dreams are when angels try to converse with humans.

Posted in m@dness

Let me go

Someone was right when they said, “dreams…what would I not give to have control over them”

What wouldn’t I give too?

You were the last thing that came to mind every night when I fell asleep. Lying in the dark room, where the thin shaft of light from the light that forever glows in the house,I will myself not to think of you…

Someone was also right when they said the more you try not to think of something, the more it will haunt you.

After ages I dreamt of you…

Forget the place, its not important. Forget the others, they are not important either

I see you and I gasp. As always you make me do that. It’s been a while and I still remember your face. Your eyes. The rough hair and your lips that would give Angelina Jolie an ego! Your long fingers. You haven’t changed a bit… or have you?
I see you and I gasp. And I walk past you while my heart is hammering a thousand beats. I can’t walk away. I walk once again past you, pretending I don’t see you…
You smirk. I know you do. I don’t have to look at you to know what you are doing.
I walk past you again. You catch hold of my hand, “You can’t ignore me…you know it. And you know I know…”
My arms hurt. Let me go… 
“You don’t want to go… You can never go…”

I want to. Please… it’s after months that I feel so… let me go… please let me go…Damn it, don’t make me feel guilty… Don’t make me feel guilty for wanting to love again… let me go… Please let me go…

It is then that a force within me acts to free myself of you and I run.

 

Posted in m@dness

My very own Bucket List

For everyone who does not know what a Bucket List is , it is a list of things to do before you die. It comes from the term “kicked the bucket“.
And for all of you who thought I was writing about the movie, SCOOT! 🙂

So here it is for the first time. I say first time coz i haven’t breathed a word about it to anybody. ANYBODY!

1. Get on a bike and take a long drive. A really long drive. Say from down south to up north.

2. Settle down in the misty mountains, with a small garden overlooking the valley, where he n me can have tea and sit and watch the sunset together.

3.  Fly on a helicopter.

4. Shop in thailand, malyasia and singapore

5. Win a  lottery. Even 50 Rs is fine!

6. Have a room with all my favourite things: Photographs framed, a shelf with books, another shelf with a collection of all my favourite movies and a huge tv with home theatre.

7. Buy a house in goa with a tree in between the house. basically, the house should be built around the tree 🙂

8. Deep Sea Diving without being scared of drowning!

9.  Get my article,blog, picture published in some major place 🙂

10. Get a tatoo

11. Have a wedding. The dreamy kind.

12.  Own a hotel with a karaoke bar.

13. Sing in front of a crowd, get applauded and get rid of stage fear

14. Learn some form of martial arts.

15. write a book and publish it

16. gift my dad a Volkswagon Beatle and then write, Das Auto on it 🙂 (P.S- my dad’s name is Mohan Das)

17. Go paragliding!

18. Stay in a presidential suite on the topmost floor of a plush hotel.

19. Visit a place thats not on the map  or a place thats uninhibited.

20. Learn Pole dancing. 😛

21. Last but never the least, have a short peaceful life rather than living till 80 and dying a loser!

C’mon share your list!

Posted in m@dness

Bonded by Souls

The Greeks had a very logical reason for the existence of a soul mate. They believed that humans initially had two heads, four arms and four legs. They were then cut into half as a consequence of some form of disobedience to the gods, thus creating the modern human, who was left to search for his or her other half – the soul mate.

I remember reading a book titled, Many Lives Many Masters: Brian Weiss. His claims are that there are soulmates. But it really does not mean just lovers. A father and daughter or a dog and its master can be soulmates. It’s a connection of the souls. In true bollywood style :janam janam ka saath!

However, a new age belief is that souls are made with a direct connection to one another, in pairs as they say, and it is the other pair of your soul, that is your ultimate soul mate.

In the life of every person, there is at least one person with whom we make a very deep connection. The connection at times is too deep, beyond our greatest and wildest dreams.

Sometimes in life there really are bonds formed that can never be broken. Sometimes you really can find that one person who will stand by you no matter what. Maybe you will find it in a spouse and celebrate it with your dream wedding. But there’s also the chance that the one person you can count on for a lifetime, the one person who knows you sometimes better than you know yourself is the same person who’s been standing right next to you all along.

And my dreams – the deams in my mind, the ambition that fuels my ideas, the mischief that runs through my brain, the light that permeates my eyes, the invisible tickle that makes me smile….

It’s all you. I wish you’d understand it’s you!

 

Posted in m@dness

Of Fairy tales and Enid Blytons

It is only a step from boredom to disillusionment, which leads naturally to self pity, which in turn ends in chaos. I’ve always lived my life with background music. Ya really! When things happen I have always heard violins or drums! As a kid, my life was like a Disney movie, or an Enid Blyton book. It was not so because of the people that made my life fairy tale like, it was only because I made myself believe in magic and dreams.  There was always magic just around the corner, the mean  and snobby girl in school always learnt her lesson and I used to have my circle of friends n we used to go around looking for treasures, always ending up in trouble. I used to dream that I was a lost princess (okie this was because my brother convinced me that I was found in a basket floating in one of the canals nearby, and maybe, that my parents were ‘hiding the secret of my birth’ and that one day, the wonders of my true identity would be revealed to me. I also played Princess Aurora from sleeping beauty in the annual school play 🙂

 

No I don’t suffer from Schizophrenia. No, life wasn’t smooth. People were blunt and rude. All along  I have had people telling me my dreams were rubbish and that fairy tales aren’t true etc.There were so many times, when all the castles came crashing down, stone foundations included. But I persisted, almost stubbornly, in believing that every dream wasn’t just a ‘dream’. But the world teaches ‘nerds’ with rose tinted glasses hard lessons. My first harsh fall was the discovery that fairy tales were just fantasies. When my dad told me, afraid that I’d be ridiculed in school, I cried. But later, with child-like faith, I convinced myself that he was just bowing to pressure of the world, and that I would be strong and continue in my belief. I would be the one faithful. The one foolish faithful, it was more like.

When people were unkind, I almost willed myself to believe that they had reasons. Troubled childhoods, trauma, my foolishnesses were all reasons for their unkindness. And it wasn’t that I wasn’t confident. In fact I was and still am a confident extrovert. Maybe that’s why all my castles could be attacked. I suppose, if you talk a lot, you are bound to expose your thoughts. I trust people very easily too. People I trusted with everything have let me down a number of times.But I suppose it was this same trust and openness that allowed me to rebuild the castles that were torn down. I envied girls who were quiet and shy. Sometimes I really wished I was the same.

I believe that everyone has a child in them who is alive until we all die. We all in someway or the other still relate to childhood stories, fantasies and dreams. We get a lot of courage from those believes and dreams formed in those early years. It’s hard to believe but think awhile and you’ll know its true.

P.S- I am not being mad like my name suggests, but I still think my Prince Charming would come in a pumpkin chariot driven by white horses and take me away:)

“I’m dreaming today about a prince on a white horse,
Coming to take me away.

To somewhere all billowy, where fantasy lies,

To tropical gardens and silvery skies,

To a castle with smiles, all pink in a cloud,

Where joy is the language and laughter the sound,

And pain is unheard of and hate is not found.

I’m believing this dream in a world all too real-
God, please give me the faith to believe in it still.”

 

 

And i tell myself, grow up!