Posted in m@dness

Like wise!

What goes thro my mind nowadays before pressing ‘like’ on a boys’s( who also happens to be a good friend) photo on Facebook.

My dad will know and will throw a sly smile the next time I see him(Yes he’s on facebook but doesnt ever come online. But he has subscribed to my profile!!!). My very extended family shall inform my dad that I should get married soon. That 4th std school mate with whom I’ve never really talked since, will judge me. One of em from my girl gang would give a quick call n say “Aye bitch !! Have you ever ever pressed like or commented on even a single pic of mine ?! ” A few super jobless friends would take the pain to calculate the time interval between him uploading the pic and me commenting on it and will infer ‘Jeez ! Is she like always online ?!’

The Facebook ticker – Lethal to privacy, Fatal to productivity ! 😛

Posted in m@dness

The Girl Gang

For the record: I was listening to “Tumhi ho bandhu” from cocktail and the lyrics really did inspire this  post.

I’m not “best friends” with too many people. And I’ve always thought there’s something about me that stops people I consider good friends from reciprocating the same emotion for me. I haven’t exactly been the confidante of many people, the girl who friends turn to for help. I really would like to be, have always wanted to be.However my girl gang would vouch for me and say that I have never ever hesitated in lending a helping hand or ear when they have called for help. It hurts to love a friend, seek her company and not have that emotion reciprocated. But that’s not going to stop me from counting the many friends I’ve shared good times with: girls whom I haven’t met in years and yet we can pick up the phone and talk to each other like we were together just yesterday. 

Div’s one of them. She’s a tough girl, seen tough times and come out a winner. In college, she was totally missable. But as a friend, she could read your mind almost like she was living inside it. Even before I knew what I wanted in life, she did! It was amazing how she predicted even whileI was in denial mode, that I would LIVE life not just survive She can see my follies and will ignore them when she can, but will be honest when she gets a chance, scold me, even badger me when the time’s right.

Speed’s my Alter Ego. I mean she is like this nemesis. I have always wanted to be like her. Live life in a very carefree and free spirited way. She takes on life as it comes and comes it victorious. She and I think at two extremes and can never get along together for more than an hour without arguing. She is the reason I am so bold now. She has always stood by me even if it has been years since I met her. Dilemma, Happiness, Anger or Love,I know she is just around the corner and just a call away from landing at my door.

And there’s Sinsin: so lovable, so adorable and so damn fiery.I could live with her forever. She and I have had this hate-love relationship. Mostly because of this on your face attitude. She has no hesitation in whacking me and telling me right from wrong even if means I’ll cry my heart out. But she also lets me be weird and wacko without a guilt! She knows my fears, my strengths and she knows what can make me smile with my heart. We have had bouts of shopping, baby sitting and just chatting. We can just laze around and yet have the time of our lives.The one person I would wake up to even if I was in a comma. She has stood by me and lost out on friends.We’ve come a long way and love splurging on each other even now.

There’ve been friends at work – Stella and Ume and after sparring and bitching, we bonded like best friends should. Times change, people move on, but with some people you never want things to change. And that’s how I feel for them – two very different people, very precious to me, girls I love to hang out with, girls I respect for who they are. They will laugh at my earing fetish and read my blog when they can but never leave a comment! We share little in common, except that something that you can’t put your finger on. Or maybe we can – our life experiences.

The office that I work in now has another M, Milan. She is this entity that has energy just bubbling all the time. She can make you laugh and make you think all at the same time. She is primarily the reason, I even feel like going to work everyday. In a lot of ways, I see a younger version of me in her. And her tongue,  mind it!! She has her own story but she will listen to you and make sure you feel good after that conversation. She smiles with her heart and we bond over love, love for life , food and god. 

And then there are my sisters –Chech, Su and Nanchi: my pillars of strength, people I love so, so, so, so, much I can overlook any wrong they do. The fact though is, that they’re overlooking all wrong I do, all the time. I’ve spent a huge chunk of my life just talking to them and I could spent a huge chunk of my future doing that, except that they’re now too busy with life in general. I know I can count on them any time, anywhere. We’re sisters, friends and more. And what I am is so much because of what they are. They’re my girls!

Anju, Anu, DJ, Gij, Tee and Tan: These are girls with whom I’m still forging relationships. They’re special but our friendship still has to face the test of time. And I know we’ll pass.

“The best way to mend a broken heart is time and girlfriends” ~ Gwyneth Paltrow

Posted in close to heart, m@dness

Little Miss Popular

Is it possible to know someone for more than 10 years and not be friends, even. Or is it that I have a twisted meaning of friends. Or is there really some truth to the whole Popularity Index thing?Well, there was this boy in school that I knew, G. He was in my class alright, but we never spoke. I guess for 4 years we studied in the same class and set just benches apart from each other but had just didn’t bother to notice each other’s existence. Yes, he was busy gaping and wooing the beauties of my class while I was busy with my life(I really don’t want to mention what interested me then. SO lets jus excuse me for the time being!!). I changed schools after my 10th and it wasn’t till after my 12th that I came across him, again! Well, he hadn’t changed much coz he hardly noticed my presence in the room even when there wasn’t anyone around! Boys!!!Or is it just him? Bah!

Last night after I had chatted with him again, I couldn’t help but think if there really is a Popularity Index and if there is, where do I stand? And if that’s a relevant question for you, let me also ask: would you rather be popular than right? Because sometimes I see people losing the line that divides the two. They lose that distinction between real and fake because they are trying so hard to be popular.

And if truth be told, I’ve done it too: faked a smile, an expression of joy, a familiarity with people where none exists. But friendships? No, those cannot be faked, not by me.
But then, I’m not popular either, you see. And not half as desperate as some others to notch up a few brownie points on the popularity chart to actually fake a friendship. I just can’t do it!

It’s the art of social networking, I’m told, and the investment of time and energy apart from money of course, pays rich dividends. You throw parties for perfect strangers, lavish them with the best of alcohol served in the most expensive fashion, open your house to the scrutiny of those strangers, show off your outrageously priced furniture and what-have-you and indulge in some mundane conversations – just so that you can call those strangers friends.

It’s the desperation to be seen with the rich and the popular, to have your name on the invitation list of the high profile parties in town and hang out with “the gang”. Don’t mislead yourself to believe that any of that is friendship because friendship isn’t about enjoying meaningless conversations, or pandering to appearances. It isn’t not about toeing the popular line, or mouthing the ‘right’ words. It’s not about using someone’s contacts for your benefits or dropping names to show your clout. It’s not about popularity.

I don’t need to say this, but I want to. For me: friendship is about standing up for a person, about wishing him well, about treating him as more than fodder for gossip. It’s about being able to laugh at somebody’s face and not behind his back. It’s about knowing how you’re different from your friend and accepting him for who he is. Its about surprising him and doing something out of the way to see him happy, its looking at him or hear him speak and know exactly whats on  his mind. It occurs just a few times in life, hold on to them.

I may not be popular, but I hope I’ve been a friend.

Posted in m@dness

Of friends…..and family

So often it happens we take solace in something temporary rather than something permanent. I have been having this thought for a few days now. I have my circle of friends, my army. People I know will be with me through thick n thin. They have. I dont need a new person in my life, in my army. However, for the past few days I have been having conversations with an old friend. He has become a friend now. I have known him for over 10 years now, just known him. Now I can call him a friend, which got me thinking actually.

Some people are closer to their friends than to their family. Friends are, strictly speaking, temporary. You never know when you will lose them. They might get married and go away; they might shift residence and move away; they might just lose touch over the years, finding no time for you… Yet these relationships are at times more relied upon, from the mental point of view. That momentary wisp of friendship, that sudden moment of understanding, that spark of connection or that steady trust that that develops with those people you call your friends, that can make you open up eons more than the steadfastness, the sturdiness, the permanence of family. You can discuss freely, without any inhibition, without fearing disapproval, rejection or repulsion. Discover yourself without worrying if what you discern might be wrong in their eyes, without fearing that you might be thinking, speaking or doing something which would bring forth disapproval. Without the fear that you might have to repent severely what you did and make amends. Because if these happen, damage control is easier. If not possible, you can always find more friends, if it comes to that. You cannot find another family.

Consider it in another sense of the word. This is purely from a personal point of view. If I have a secret or problem I cannot divulge freely, but need to talk about, what do I do? I talk about it freely, openly. But to someone who has no clue about the repercussions it would cause if spoken to people closer to home. People who are permanently there, for the present at least; those are whom I can’t talk to. There the fear of people’s judgment and trustworthiness comes in. Problem college, discuss thoroughly with friends back home. And the other way round. No danger of leaks, no consequences you might regret, no mental trauma.

Psychologically, I depend on impermanence more. What about you? And what would you rather do?
Posted in m@dness

Miss Understand!

You don’t understand.

No. Really you dnt
Most people will listen to you. They will nod sympathetically. And then they will say those two comforting heartfelt words: “I understand”. No shit!

Don’t get me wrong… I’m actually very grateful that you listened patiently, grateful for your sympathy, grateful that you simply didn’t run away while pulling your hair out after I narrated my saga… But you don’t understand. Everyone says it of course, including me, and I’m sure I’ll continue to do so. But you simply do NOT understand.

It may be your best friend; it may be your sibling; it may be your love. But they will not understand unless they are in exactly the same situation you are in. Placing yourself in someone else’s shoes does not work. You have to have a pair of that exact same broken in and worn out shoes of your very own. Sometimes even an absolute stranger or an enemy may understand better than your loved ones just because he/she has been through the SAME situation.

It’s simple. Suppose I have a problem. Let’s hypothetically say that my problem is that of a horrifying relationship which is making my life hell and not giving me any peace of mind, so much so that I have to resort to blah-ing to my friends about her and ranting about it on my blog. Now you can’t always seethe about itto someone who is in an amazing, out of the world relationship. Because that person will not really understand. They might sympathise, sure. But they will be thinking “My situation is so different. Man I’m lucky to have such a sweet love.” (Sympathetic nod and pat on shoulder) “How can she be feeling this way? Maybe she just doesn’t appreciate her relationship” (Aww you poor thing… he did that??? Tsk tsk…)“Hmmm…I wonder what ,my love will do to surprise me today…..”

Lame example but you get the picture. And there’s nothing wrong with it as such. It’s human nature. But find another with the same problem as you have and there you have a kindred spirit and there you have a person you can REALLY talk to. You can narrate and discuss and bitch freely without bothering that the other person will be horrified at what you say. Without wondering if you are the one in the wrong. Only here can you truly let your feelings out. Even if it’s an absolute stranger you’re talking to. And if this person happens to be your best friend/close confidante, so much the better for you. Not that I would wish all my problems on my best friend of course….

It’s happened to me. Having a friend you can talk to about anything and everything in the world except for a couple of topics which I could produce a tirade on for hours. And it was infuriating, having to hold that stuff in. I’ve found an outlet. Phew.

You know who  you are…thank you for being the sunshine(well rain, really coz I love rain to sun :P) in my life..

little miss sunshine

Posted in close to heart

The Story about Relationships

Relationships are built through storytelling. Whether you agree with me or not, storytelling is the baseline of all relationships. It is through stories that we form bonds and link emotions. It is through stories that we understand ourselves and the world around us. We are defined by our stories.We meet so many people every day. We talk to them; sometimes we have endless conversations. We see them at work, we see them at school. We go shopping with them, we joke around, have opinions about them but do we really know them. Do we know their story?

I want you to imagine your loved one. Imagine that “Special Someone ” in your life. Not the many someone specials that you might have in your life but the ONE someone special you have or had. How did it all start out? Amidst the shy smiles and flirty comments, and the holding hands and the kissing goodbyes, when was it that you actually connected with that person?
We do fun stuff with them. Hang around… have laughs, talk endlessly, admire their beauty, get impressed by their intellect, and start to adore them. Then one time, in a quiet place (preferably not the bar!), we tell them about who we really are. We tell them about our hopes, dreams and desires. We share with them our future plans. We hold their hands tightly while we tell them about our fears. We tell them our stories.…and if we are lucky… VERY lucky, one quiet afternoon, they tell us about their hopes, dreams and desires. Where they have come from and where they are planning to head. They tell us about their scars, about their pains, about their smiles. We listen.

And with that exchange of stories our lives are enriched and in that very moment an everlasting bond is formed between us. A bond so strong that no form of separation or pain could ever break it.

Ideally, all goes well from there onwards, you share the sentiment and vow to keep on sharing your stories and creating more as you go along. You get married, you meet the in-laws and then you kind of realize that you didn’t quite get the whole story after all, but that is beside the point. :-)hehehe jus kidding

I wonder sometimes, if I have ever shared my story. I wonder if I have the courage to do so. It takes A LOT of courage to truly tell someone about our hopes, fears and desires. I wonder if we really know our story. I wonder who has been a part of our story. I wonder if you have ever shared your story with someone.
To my understanding, storytelling is the only way you will ever be able to create a bond with anyone. Our stories have power—great power—on our own being and on others.

Are you ready to tell your story?


Posted in close to heart, m@dness

Hot Chocolate Conversations

Have you ever had a friend who is so crazy that he could travel a few kilometers instead of waiting for you at one place? I guess I am lucky then. I told him to wait for me at one place and  he traveled about 36 kilometers instead of waiting! Don’t blame me for keeping him waiting. He was informed. And besides, I’ve waited for him for so much time, the cumulative can add up to months of standing in front of his house waiting for him!
That evening, we were supposed to go somewhere, but the weather was still nice and my mood was too elated to do any work. We decided we’d hang out somewhere instead. When we reached our favorite place, which is a cafe that is like a second home it was full!!!.I We then drove around looking for a spot and boy we did find one.  Not so faraway from the city, on a lonely(by lonely I mean no traffic) road, a wayside cafe of sorts! We went in and sat in one of their soft and comfy chairs. It was a beautiful place. I wished he(my bestfriend) was here too.  He is always on my mind. But sitting there with my friend and having non-sense conversations and worrying about how life had gotten “out of hand” lately was also equally priceless. And doing that while having a football-sized cup of  hot chocolate added up to make it a wonderful experience. And the ambiance was so good, we could sit there forever – comfy seats, beautiful decorations and soft retro music. We caught up on memories n ol times n how much of fun we used to have earlier n love lives n more.  But alas, we had to go home before our parents filed a missing report at the police station! :p
But it was a time well spent. With my friend.
And I think we both know now of a place where we could sit and talk about anything; or make plans about how we would start our own cafe! :p
Or… maybe just sit and have some delicious hot drinks.
My life is not perfect, neither is it easy. And I believe nobody’s is. But with the right people, living life at least seems easier. When the day ended and I was in my bed, I was happy and grateful, for I had people who made me believe in living life. I could say that it was my best day ever. Ironic that it didn’t seem so in the morning! 😉
I’ve been having sleep problems lately. Trains of thought leave my eyes wide open staring at the sky, wondering if I could ever fly. But that night, I was flying already. And my eyes closed on their own. For I now knew that getting through everyday could be easy when you have love and friendship with you.
To the A’s in my life, love you both. To the best friend whose place no one will ever take, Sudeep Pradeep I miss you all the more every day.  I’d like to believe that you sent these guys and introduced me to them thinking they will keep me safe and warm in your absence.
Eyes still closed, I smiled.
I have them both.
The purest of love and the best of friendship.