Posted in m@dness

>Friend (Only) in Need

>She stuck on to you like a leech then and now that she’s past her crisis or her loneliness, is she too busy with her new ‘fun’ friends to even bother making a call?

If it’s usual for her to call upon you for help any time of day or night, or just to ask for a favour but to vanish when you need her or when all is well in her little world, you have an opportunity girl on your hands. Of course friends are meant to be pinged at the time of need (what are friends for, right?) but if you’re only remembered in the time of trouble, your friendship definitely deserves a second look.

I remember being on the phone for many nights for my very close pal when her heart got broken. As a gesture of friendship,Ii introduced her friend to all the single guys she knew and today she doesn’t even take my calls and tries to portray herself as being closer to MY friends than I am.
Such ‘friend-users’ are usually very self-centered. They have probably learnt to be emotionally manipulative early in life by watching adult role models or by having their wishes granted when they managed to say the right thing to influence their parents. They have learnt that it is okay to pretend to be close to someone if it gets the job done and now it is a part of their psyche. So if your so-called friend sweetens you up to help her out of a crisis, as a child she probably watched her dad/mom doing the same with colleagues to glean favours at work or in life itself.
Even if you did hold such a friend dear for quite some time, you don’t have to be at her beck-and-call. Chances are, every time she gets lost in her happiness and shuts you out, you wonder whether you did something to push her away. But you can throw those misgivings away because now you know that she can’t help being who she is. She would do exactly the same with anyone in your place. But you can shield yourself from the hurt she inflicts every time she pulls away leaving you feeling used.
By helping her out every time she comes back, you are in fact reinforcing her craftiness. Every time her pleas work on you, she becomes more of an opportunist. Make her see how she excludes you from her life once she is past her crisis by quoting concrete examples. If she does care about you as a friend, she would start making amends.

I once put my work on hold for a friend who was sick and actually burnt the midnight oil to get her project done. As soon as she got better she went on a nice little vacation with her girlfriends with not so much as a postcard to me! I pointed it out to her and she got the hint. Haven’t heard from her since! and if she continues to deny that she takes advantage of you, gradually remove her from your life. She’s not worth the friendship she doesn’t value.
Don’t think ‘okay one last time’ the next time she calls crying at midnight. It’ll turn into an endless circle. She’ll be like an ex you can’t get over!
Posted in m@dness

>The girl who grew up


I was on my way to work today morning, walking along the winding little lane peppered with tiny little houses that connects my house to the main road. I take that same road every morning, and everyday, I see a lot of activity along that route. Women waving out to hubands, men leaving for work on their big n small gaddis, little girls with neatly plaited hair setting out for school, dogs, chickens, an eerie little wayside temple with a black-stone idol, small stores (a quintessentially Indian phenomena), etc.

Today morning, while I was walking, I saw one little girl, with a blue colour dupatta on her head, tied into a neat long plait. She must’ve been about 5-6 years old.

Pretty much the same age, that I used to do such stuff. You wouldn’t believe if I said it now, but as a kid, I loved dressing up and doing girly stuff. I was 6 when I cried to dad to buy me my first churidar. And the doting dad that he is, got me one. I still remember it, it was green in colour with polka dots and i wore it like it was the ONLY dress I had!! I would show off pretty much at every occasion coz while everyone of my age wore skirts and frocks I would look big n mature in a churidar!

I also used to have chocolate boxes filled with my accessories- earrings, chains, bangles, hairclips and what not. Every dress had matching accessories. There was a gold chappal that I really took a fancy to, bought from fashion street in Bombay, where I spent most of my summers, all those years ago. I used to believe that it went with any dress that I wore. It was hideous, when I look back at the photos now! But that was an age where I felt that anything bright and shiny was beautiful. 🙂

Sunday afternoons, when everyone were having their routine siesta, I used to get to work. I would take out these boxes, meticulously put on the make-up (and trust me, I was pretty good at it. I knew what all had to be applied where, and in what amount), then I would take out my favourite green dupatta with the gold sequins at the edges, pin it up safely on to my hair, and plait it. That dupatta was like a friend, I always had it with me. Boredom was never an option for me, as long as I had my dupatta and make-up boxes and ‘other accessories’, as my dad used to call it. :)…

I miss that girl…somewhere along the way, adolescence took its toll, and scorn for that little girl set in. I abandoned all those accessories that were part of my girlhood, and opted to go for what was in style. I stopped wearing bangles and bindis and big earrings. My chaddi buddies still ask me, why I stopped wearing all that… Infact I changed so much that as time passed I became more and more the tomboy types.. It took a nice gentleman and a couple of great friends to remind me about my childhood hobbies and the pretty little gal I loved to be.

When I saw that girl today, all those memories just rushed back, and the first thing I did was call up dad and tell him. Because he had put up with all that the most, and nobody would understand it better. And you know, he has not thrown away a single one of those things that I cherished- right from the boxes of ‘fancy items’(just like supermarkets give me a high today, fancy stores used to be my fascination then), ribbons, hair-bands, clips, beads, to the bag of clothes that I’d stitched for my Barbie dolls( I was an aspiring fashion designer at one time)- everything is intact. He never asked me whether he can throw them away or not- he just continues to preserve them for me. For what reason, I know not.

This post is dedicated to my dad, for never making fun of that little girl or forcing her to grow up sooner than she ought to have.

Sometimes I wish I never grew up…