Posted in m@dness

Celebrating Marriages

These days, when relatives and random people pass comments on my 4 year old daughter’s marriage which is anticipated to happen 25- 30 years from now, I smile and pray that someday it really does. Until a few years ago, I was a critic of this institution called marriage. However, over the years I have realized the significance and have begun to appreciate it. Nope, this is not a fan post dedicated to Ro, my husband.  Nope, I am not getting old either! I sneered at it and made fun of all the people who were married but this infuriating and irrational togetherness of 2 people is truly intriguing and baffling in every way possible. So, this post is for the Gen whatever who is thinking of whether or not to get married. I genuinely hope this helps you decide.

Until a couple of months before I got married, fully knowing the implications of long standing relationships and the hardships, the pain and the cost involved, I was hovering dangerously close to writing off this whole concept of marriage. Although, I must agree that I am  a wedding aficionado. Not to mention, the number of married people I came across who were married for all the wrong reasons and were now debating on whether or not to get a divorce. Some, who decided against a divorce just because of the paperwork involved! Then there were these married couples who had made an absolute mockery of their legal relationship by indulging in everything illegal! To be honest, I was almost prepared to give up. I did. Almost.

Image result for Marriage

When you grow up in a single parent household, you are privy to this inside view of an independent human being becoming super dad and super mom all at the same time. For me, all the growing up years were masterclasses in being independent. I grew up seeing my dad raise me single handed. There was no confusion and absolutely no chaos as every decision was for most parts independent! I mean, why would I even think of getting married when I was taught to do it all alone. I was raised that way! Like one of those Tshirt quotes- Born to be alone! Except that, eventually I realized that we cant really live alone for all our life right?

That jolt came when my father battled cancer a couple of years back and I spend a considerable amount of time in the hospital corridors, it really used to get quite lonely. I had friends and I did have some dear ones who made sure I felt less alone. However, on more than one occasion, I saw him fight it out alone, unwilling to concede defeat and I really wished that he had someone to hold his hand all the time. You see, even if I was a hundred years old, to him, I was still a kid and he would dare not vent or show his irritation, lest I get scared! It slowly dawned on me that it is indeed reassuring  to have someone to call your own when the body breaks down or when you really need some encouragement to do something spectacularly extraordinary. But hey, you certainly don’t get married to get yourself an unpaid caretaker in the twilight years. Nope, that is not really what marriage is all about. Although you cannot deny that, as nagging and cranky as each one of us can be, there could exist at least one person in the universe who, by a weird stroke of luck, adores you enough to commit to tolerating your personal brand of obnoxious and crazy personality. Someone who is still in your life, even when you’ve given them a million and one reasons to walk away and take their love with them.

Today if you talk to me I would tell you that in 6 years of being married, I think it is all  about putting your patience to test every single day and still coming out of it, unscathed! There are so many things Ro and I hate about each other and really we ought to. We were raised in different manners and lived different lives before we started this life together. Ro cribs about my fetish for chinese food, but will make sure he takes me out to eat chinese at least once in a week! I hate Ro wearing boxers and stepping out to the neighbourhood shop , but will accompany him for shopping and pick out that pair of boxers, even if he forgets. His laid back attitude, my short temper. His love for boxers and socks, my affair with books and photos. His impulsive behavior, my deeply thought over plans. His spy movie and action genre craze, my inclination towards all things romantic. Good days; bad days; happy days; frustrated days; we are done days; I cannot live without you days; Up day; Down day, but, that is okay. It really is fine.

No photo description available.You see, it is a dance! It is about balancing and really, it is all about pretending not to notice the monotony of the awkward things we all tend to do or repeat. Every argument against marriage is rock-solid. Especially in the era we are living in. Some say it is boring, some thing of it as an obligation and that we’d all probably live a whole lot longer and more peacefully if we didn’t have someone breathing down our backs, feeling entitled to our time, attention, and energy. With the passive-aggressive wife jokes that almost always portrays the woman of the house as the nagging shrew making the rounds and researches making a compelling argument for women to stay single, by suggesting that unmarried and child-free women live longer and report being more happy than their married counterparts, people begin to wonder, why, when so many inmates of the institution are so desperately miserable, the institution of marriage continues to be the benchmark and platinum standard for romantic relationships.

Image result for MarriageOn the contrary, perhaps the very idea that we’re meant to spend our whole lives with one person is what makes it appealing. It is more or less like a lifelong undertaking and  its adventure lies not in its beginning, but in its ability to look at all of each other’s ugly in the eye without turning away.  It is about having enough love left over to hold on, in the darkest hours, despite knowing that everything that is bad has the potential to get exponentially worse. SO, go find that person, now! And, if you did not find all these reasons compelling enough, try renting a house as a singleton and you will get convinced and how!

Meanwhile, Happy Anniversary to us, RO! I simply LOVE you!


Posted in RoMa Chronicles

Love Bits-7

They walked side by side, barely touching. Each lost in their own convoluted worlds. Ironically, every thought that flitted through the trapped corners of their minds had one common focal point – the other. As the path they chose seemed to peter out right in front of their eyes, swept left, right and centre by the storm that was ravaging their lives, they were left in its wake helplessly wondering how they even happened on this particular path, that too together.

Brought together by society, bound together by fate, they wondered if love would ever grace their union.

Unknown to them, Love had already intertwined their lives together, at the same time. Their hands just needed to inch a little closer. Their hearts, a little more giving. They need to learn to weather it together, to accept the other’s support. The perfect ending, already deigned in the minds of higher beings, is them finding the boat of togetherness and the oars of companionship.

To part ways in the middle of the storm was not what was written for them, for they have tasted what it feels like, known what it could be like. And neither would ever feel or be complete without the other ever again.

Posted in m@dness

Just how would we know!?

Its raining here in DXB :). And you know my everlasting romance with it, so here I am in one of my introspective moods while watching it from the “place”.

 “Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.”

This quote from Forrest Gump has always been the tagline of my life. People who take quick decisions always amaze me. Taking decisions have always been a huge task for me. From chosing a dress, deciding which restaurant to eat to all the major milestone decisions, theres’s always stress and time involved! I mean how will we know that the decisions that are taken (the ones that matter anyway) are the right ones?! What if your life changes with that one decision!

For example, deciding to move to a foreign land on a permanent visa after years of wondering whats it like to live outside the country one is born in (and quitting a perfectly stable, well-paying and permanent post) knowing that there is no job in waiting and knowing that years of experience will be thrown aside and career has to be started from scratch and nobody even remotely close to family or friends. How do we know if it is the right decision to actually live the dream?!

Or deciding to pursue something that’s nowhere in our scheme of life. Change our whole lives based on a hunch that plan A might just be better than plan B; how do we know that plan B is what we are supposed to be doing in the first place?!

Or get married. How do we know that this is the person we are supposed to spend the rest of our lives with? How do we know that we’ll have the same romance, beautiful and lasting beyond death, which our grandparents have? How do we know that it is not the biggest miscalculation that we ever made? Personally, I had a tough time at this one!

Or deciding whether to put down your paper at the office. With a job that isnt what they offered on paper and a salary that is way below what was told and with interview calls coming. How do you know if you should take a risk and just quit and attend interviews or hold on to this company and let go of opportunities!

Or how do we decide to leave behind family and friends when they need us the most, just because we think we can do more for them by leaving than staying and know that is what we are meant to do, rather than be with them?  How can we be sure that we are doing what God wants us to; what he has written for us??

I guess,the truth is, we CAN’T know. We just have to take a deep breath,  do it and get it over wit and more importantly, live with it afterward. If we are lucky and have been true to our conscience, the happiness comes. Otherwise, god help you!

Until then thank god for choices! Yes, I am sulking because of the options and decisions I have to take because of the choices but have you wondered what life would have been without those options or choices?!

P.S- The place happens to be my workstation! Don’t tell 🙂

Posted in RoMa Chronicles

After the happily ever after

Life definitely doesn’t end after marriage. The way people act when you are unmarried , its like getting married is THE last thing and life is done! Ofcourse not. There is life after happily ever after. Getting married, especially the arranged way, is easy. Boy meet girl and they vow to stay together for the rest of their life. Both families achieve a mutual understanding, luxurious gifts exchanged,friends invited and relatives join hands to celebrate the union of two strange people who will eventually fall in love. But what happens next is something  not everyone talks about. As soon as the “Just Married’ sign leaves along with the car, the world goes back to its routine and carry on with their own lives.
Let’s face it. Times have changed. Staying in marriage is difficult. What happens in the small two bedrooms apartment is beyond your imagination. You find yourself constantly tolerating each other’s fault. Maybe first few days the frequently left open toilet lid were unnoticed,but soon or later it might be the reason why he decided to stay in couch some nights. You start to doubt the taste bud of your other half. Why one earth is he listening to that crap music? Whats wrong with her,can she make something that tastes better? You getting fatter. You need to keep your mouth shut. Why am I the one only doing laundries and cooking today? Stop playing games all the time!Quit your job. Get a life. You are crossing your boundaries.You dont know your limits.And You have forgotten our first meeting anniversaries and so on!
There’s also those times where he does the dishes while you cook knowing that you work and you would get tired too.The times when she’d do the shopping by herself so that they can spend some more time together. He gets out earlier, compromising his sleep and she works an extra hour every day so that they can travel together. The times when he’d wake up and make her coffee because she has one of those lazy to wake up-five more minute sleep days. When she bakes him brownies after a hard day at work so that he feels good. And the times when he makes her watch The Big Bang Theory and she keep his eyes open while watching Grey’s Anatomy!
A lot of people are getting married at younger age these days. I’m not denying that on the other end,there’s another extreme of people who are beyond their marriage age. It really isn’t the age you know. It all depends on how much you want to stay married and whether you have decided on options if this doesnt work! It has to and you have to make sure it works. Every day you work for it. I hope married couples dont get separated because of things that doesnt matter. You see,not many people  have the privilege of getting married to the nice ones,so dont blow off your chances.
For some , love is the only thing they have..
its simple…staying married means staying in love 😉
It’s you I like,
It’s not the things you wear.
It’s not the way you do your hair,
But it’s you I like.
The way you are right now
The way down deep inside you
Not the things that hide you
Not your diplomas…
They’re just beside you.
But it’s you I like,
Every part of you,
Your skin, your eyes, your feelings,
Whether old or new.
I hope that you’ll remember
Even when you’re feeling blue,
That it’s you I like,
It’s you yourself, it’s you
It’s you I like!
Happily ever after by Pinkie-Perfect
Posted in RoMa Chronicles

The Wedding and After

Time flies. Today we celebrate 100 days of  being married. I have already told you what it feels like to be married to one of the most amazing people I’ve met. Ro. I am not goin to go further on that today. All I will say is that, after 30th August 2013, I know for a fact that I am indeed blessed.

Every girl dreams of being married. I said girl. When these girls grow up into ladies(graduated, fully equipped women), some still dream of a marriage and some become the eternal feminist types. I have always wanted to get married. From the time I used to play house house with my cousins and friends, all through school and college and even when I became a working professional, my dream of getting married and having a family grew with me. I nurtured the dream all my life. And then it happened. The dream did come true but not in a way I had pictured!

Disclaimer: Do not read this post if you cannot handle a bit of Narcissism.

30th August 2013….100 days ago

Thank god for photos! I will always remember my wedding date(date not day). I remember crying myself to sleep the night before the wedding. When I woke up the next day, it felt like any other morning. Until Das hugged me and said,”Good Morning, you are getting married today, finally!” SO that’s how the day started. I hate taking a head bath in the morning because I feel sleepy through the day, if I do. Bath and then straight to the temple. I dont know how people know that you are a bride to be even when you are dressed in the most casual dress! On the way to the parlour, stepping inside the temple, suddenly everyone was smiling! I prayed. I payed like I’ve never prayed before. I must tell you its a pretty weird feeling. Those hours right before you are getting married, your mind takes you places!

The place( the parlour) I was going to have a makeover for the day had another bride. She was gorgeous! I knew I wasnt the best looking bride that day. Poof went my dream of being the prettiest looking girl in town that day. However, the lady who dressed me said I had slimmed down and that my face was glowing n all. So I just made myself believe that I was looking good :). There is this moment(If youve seen Band Baaja Bride on NDTV Good Life, youll know) when you are completely dressed like the bride and they make you turn and face the mirror. For me, that moment will always be etched in my memory. I had never looked more beautiful in my life. I looked nice!Really nice. My aunt and chech who was with me had tears in their eyes. I knew what their tears meant. My mother would have been very proud. My Das had done his job of raising me, well. As I got in the car, my brothers were awed to say anything. Their smiles said it all. The 10  minute ride was the best ride of my life. Its that strange time when you are passing by in the car or waiting at a signal, when people on the road, look at you, take a look again and then smile at you. Wow! It really was the best ride!

The brother was there to receive us at the gates of the hall in which I was getting married. My body was shaking by the time I stepped out of the car! As they escorted me to my “waiting room”, I had only one question to ask,” Has he arrived, yet?” That broke the ice and everyone started laughing. My besties met me in my room to give me that push. Everyone I really loved was present in that room. I remember. Then the photography parade started. Group pics are easy. Its the singles that really make you conscious and all that. Weird weird feeling! Later, as they came and told me that I had five minutes to go, one last look at the single me in the mirror bought tears to my eyes. It was an emotion I cannot express. Fear, Apprehension, curiosity, happiness and excitement in one single emotion. I held my das’s hand and he clutched it tight.

The family, the entourage of extended family,my beautiful looking thaalam ladies( In South Indian hindu culture, thats the name given to brides maids) and my besties took me to the hall where my man was waiting. As I entered the hall, I stopped for a second. I couldnt believe how many people turned up for the wedding!There were about 2000 people sitting and about 100 standing!!! I froze. I was too numb to move and Das had to pull me in order to keep up with the pace! And then I saw him. He was sitting, waiting, smiling. He smiles very rarely and when he does it comes from his heart. All my fears vanished. My dad later told me that I was running to the stage and he had to pull me back  ;P

Everything from the time I stepped on to the stage is a haze, a distant memory, a dream for me. I remember beautiful, soothing music in the background(Das had arranged for a live violin concert). I remember Ro’s face approving my look for the day. I remember his nieces eyeing my mehendi designs. I remember his family saying how pretty I looked.And then the ritual started.

South Indian hindu weddings are the least time taking. One might think, why the four hour make up for a ten minute event. But its worth it! I took his mother’s blessings and then Das’s. That was probably the last time my eyes filled up. His did too. I noticed. I sat down and was lost looking at the people who turned up when all on a sudden the familiar music started. And before I knew it, his hands were around my neck. Not to strangle me silly, to tie the chain!I prayed. Not to any god. I prayed to my mother, his father and Big B. Believe it or not, in that split second I saw all three of them smiling at me from above. It was a surreal moment. And then I realised that his hand did not fumble and that is a very rare thing! Everyone behind us gasped because he tied the three knots without anyone’s help! And then he smiled! Thats when it dawned that I was a now a married woman. I was officially someones own for life. I would have a family too and I would live life like any other. He then gave me the podava(two sarees which in olden days was the official moment that one got marred), his mother gave me a chain and we took the three rounds. While we were taking rounds, my folks and his were doing non stop commentary! It was fun. He held my hand tight as we took those three rounds. I wonder if he was scared or if he meant something else! He put the sindoor on my forehead like he was Shahrukh Khan of Devdas! All the way from my forehead to the back of my head, one big blotch!!! And I was married!

I had a lot of me moments that day and no it didnt turn out the way I thought it would. But it was one day, I’d hate to forget. I missed a lot of people that day. My mother(she would have been very happy and would have give Das that appy, satisfied, contented, all responsiblities over nod), my grandmother( who would have enjoyed sitting and watching me get married to a Nair Boy), Big B(who would have laughed with me and given my hand a squeeze when I was jittery), Su(who is my sister by choice, who was most excited about my wedding and would have cried all the way with me), Mayur(who is Ro’s brother who would have lifted our spirits up with that wicked smile of his), Div(who would have sat in the front wth that big momma tummy and grinned at me),Sinsin (who would have just been walking around that place with that momma tummy of hers and lil in one hand laughing and talking with the people she knows) and Ms A(who would have done my wedding photography for free and also smiled at me during those moments coz she had already been there done that). I really missed all of you.

Now that I have mentioned those I have missed, its time to thank the people who made my wedding happen! Kerala matrimony and Velliachan for introducing me to RO. The viloin guy who made my wedding feel like the movie wedding. Ms A and valavi for the cards! Shobha Aunty for making me the beautiful bride. Deeps for taking off from college and travelling all the way from Bhutan just to be my side.All those who turned up just to give us their wishes.My family who turned up for the wedding from as far as UAE and USA. My friends who fought all odds just to stand by me. AC, Nani, Mons and Su for the love and support . You guys are the best. Premamayi and Jeevi for being with my dad and helping him at every step and for being my second parents. My brother and sister for taking the time off and making those ten days very memorable. Joeey and Big Guy and the family for everything. I would have not got here, if it wasnt for you guys. Last but never the least, my Das. For arranging a fabulus wedding, for letting me have my way, for the love, the care and the encouragement, for the best arrangements in the world, for finding me the best husband and for believing in me. I love you more than you know. I owe my being to you and you will always be my best man!


The day passes away in a daze. Ask any married woman. But you will always remember the day with a smile on your face. Everytime you fight with your other half, just close your eyes and think of that moment that you got married, you will find yourself smiling 🙂

We celebrate 100 days today. RO and I. Happy, contented, 100 days filled with lots of love. Praying that we are surrounded by this love always and hoping to celebrate many such 100 days!



Posted in RoMa Chronicles

Love is all around me

Never judge a post by its title 😉 I am not going to write about the famous Wet wet wet song or my nostalgia associated with it. However, these days this song keeps playing in my a constant background music of sorts.  SO, back to my post…We, Ro n I celebrated 50 days of being married and one month of me arriving here in a nice and soft way. He made dinner(chicken Ro style) and we binged on Ice cream and cake. As I lay awake that night, my thoughts went back to the beginning. In life, there are some moments that stay frozen inside our minds. I dont have many but the ones I have will just not go away. The first time I laid my eyes on ro or my first sight of him is one such moment my brain seems to have frozen. He says I shouldnt write about it coz it’ll embarass him. 🙂 why would I let an opportunity pass!

While our parents seem to think that we first met at my place, we stay corrected. If the first date and first impression is supposed to decide things, we’d never get married! We decided to meet at my favourite coffee place(thats a post for another day), Cocoa tree. He said he’ll be there at 11 am and I had to sit inside, waiting inside the cafe which was still not open for the day( the perks of being a regular). So while I waited anxiously for 11:00 am, I order a usual Irish Chocolate drink. He calls to say he’ll be a few minutes late. Ahem…First date…n late. The friends said, dont wait, get up n leave. He is just not worth it. I decided to wait anyway since he said few minutes. And then…he arrived. At 11:45 am on 8th February 2013, I laid my eyes on him for the first time and somehow I knew it wasnt the last I’ll see of him. His hand, is what I saw first and then his ass and then his face. Yes, in that order. No, when I saw his hand I didnt know it was his. It was only when I saw his face that I realised it was him! Rest as they say is history…

To be honest, I was scared of a lot of things then. Funny as it may sound now, I had almost decided not to say yes to anybody. I was scared. Of a lot of things. Opening up to a new person, an unknown person. Committing to someone when I didnt know how committed he was or would be. Fear of being ripped apart, again. Loving again, apprehension and what not. But then, the moment I saw him first, it was amazing the way my heart felt light. Like a sign that this was it, this was the heart I was meant to be in. As cheesy as it may sound, it was true. When I think back now, I know it was the best decision ever.

A marriage is magical. It’s poetic, the rhythm of each day as it settles into a routine, the crackle as we figure out the differences. It’s  full of promise, excitement, surprises. It’s where dreams just might come true. There don’t really have to be harps playing, or birds singing, or rose petals falling from the sky everyday. And there are definitely days when the romance is dead, when there are arguments and when the differences become a bit annoying… but if you look around, things are pretty amazing…its lovely, its magical..its marriage.

The day we met
Frozen, I held my breath
Right from the start
 knew that I found a home for my heart

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave?
How can I love when I’m afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone?
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more
                                             – Christina Perri- A Thousand Years

Oh and when I asked him what his first memory of me was, he stared at me, blank. So typical!

Posted in RoMa Chronicles

Happily Married- for a month

We celebrate a month of our marriage today! Ro and I!We!Us! Exactly a month ago, we got married. How time flies. Its strange too, a month and I still dont feel married. Thats in a good way! I havent changed. He hasnt let me. Maybe I have become a tad bit responsible and a little less talkative but I seem to be getting more resilient these days. So as I watched the Internet guy make my home a wifi zone, I thoought this should be my first post from my zone, dedicated to my man. Its funny, I always thought married couples were complicated. I was wrong. Its fun. Marriage is fun and you know you are happily married….

… when he laughs at the jokes she cracks, even the ones she doesn’t find funny

…when see you soon becomes that one thing she simply loves typing

… when she is doing experimental, creative cooking and he says it is yummy

…when she says good morning with a happy and satisfied face and really means it

… when she goes hyper over the silliest things and all he does is listen. Intently. That’s all she needed in the first place

… when right after a day of work and 2 hours in the traffic,he drives 300 km just to take her to a place that she had mentioned she wanted to see and herself forgot about it.

… stupid, baseless arguments. Anywhere. Home, elevators, cars, parking lots, airports. And feeling very stupid about them later.

… when he downloads all seasons of Grey’s Anatomy just for her to see, if ever she gets bored.

… when she sings to him and he falls asleep smiling

… when her feet finds  his beneathe the comforter at night, even after another nonsensical fight

… when he spends precious morning minutes explaining routes to the city and then says he will come and pick her up.

… when opening the door for him when he returns from work becomes the best time of her day

… eating cheap chinese and feeling like it was the best dinner ever

… when he gulps down that black coffee she made with a smile and then asking her to  make sure she puts sugar in the cup the next time

… finding out that the one place where she can really be herself, with all her hits and misses, is in those hugs he gives her  everyday

… discovering the joy of being in the kitchen together

… wondering why tickets have suddenly started costing twice of what they used to 😉

…making budget cuts and realising that some things are so useless! Like hand cream, face cream, leg cream. Thats why they have one body lotion na!

… when he pretends that she is the boss, and she revels in the glory of her recent promotion 😛

… learning to put his white shirts separately in the washing machine so they don’t end up pink 🙂

…hiding his once blue shirt and praying that he forgets about it!

… sharing dreams. Career, family, children – life

… rediscovering the good things in life they had recently forgotten. Like ice cream!

…when he eats ice cream for 1dhm so that she can have her 8 dhm galaxy ice cream:(

… financial planning. A lot of it!

… when he  learns to live with a female 😛

… unsolicited advice/ feedback. On everything starting from the amount of oil and jeera in food to her blog posts

… when she wakes up in the middle of the night and listens to his quiet snoring, looks at his childlike innocence and then falls asleep with a smile on her face

… everything that shared smiles can mean

… when he launches into one of his drunken ramblings and  she falls off the chair laughing and wondering how someone can be so sane and so, so mad at the same time

… finding this little place with beige walls and one balcony many months ago, and making a home out of it.

… the smell of morning coffee

… when he wonders why the bathroom in his one time bachelor pad has suddenly been smelling a tropical haven

… going grocery shopping together, and for some strange reason, laughing through the fact that one whole cover went missing

… when his car becomes “their” and yet the gyaan on banging the car door too hard never stops

… a little bit of knowing and a lot of discovering

… the camaraderie, the friendship, this knowledge that they are growing up together, and that, many years from now, they will grow old together and will have a history of their own

… this comfortable, effortless, mad,everyday love..

Here’s to us! To a month of mad mad married life and to many many many more to come.