Posted in close to heart, m@dness

Girlfriends- The Real SoulMates

For oft when on my couch I lie,

In vacant or in pensive mood,

They flash upon that inward eye,

Which is the bliss of solitude.

-William Wordsworth

Quite unlike a normal day, I have a few minutes to spare and I was in the mood for some introspection. Happened to overhear a conversation between 2 college going girls and it bought a rush of memories. The girls were discussing about what to wear to work and what hairdo to adorn to college the next day! I remembered making calls to my bestie asking her what I should wear to the parties, to a function or just to go out. Oh the hours those phone calls used to last! While in school, a minimum of 5 calls after school was a must. The joy and satisfaction was priceless. Conversations would range from normal Wassup to philosophy and life!

Unlike men who never let anything come in between their manfriends and man -time, we women tend to get tied down to a lot of things. Especially after marriage. My bestie and I have been friends for decades. Longevity doesn’t necessarily elicit a deeper friendship but it sure keeps you from having to explain yourself. She knows my story. The ups and downs, the good, bad, ugly. She is my “Remember when” girl.

It’s hard to nurture friendships when you’re busy raising kids. Some days, I don’t have the time or energy. I pick up the phone to call her but something comes up. Despite all this, in some strange way we are connected. There are times when I have received a call just when I needed to speak to her. In my weakest moments  I have noticed that while faith keeps you standing, more than family, friends hold your hand as you slowly move forward. They help you find a new normal, continue checking on you and show love in a million heartfelt ways. And now listening to those girls having fun, I realize the laughter is only part of the story, what comes after the complicated grown-up stuff. And while we certainly need the wonderful men in our lives, for they play a crucial role, too, men simply aren’t designed to understand us like one of our own. Sometimes it takes another woman to intuitively recognize what needs to be done — then do it. Or to sense what needs to be said — then say it. Or to take the thoughts and emotions we don’t voice — and know what to make of them.

Here are the unspoken rules. I want my girl to know..SO…

  1. True girlfriends will tell you the good and the bad stuff. They will also find a way to make you feel OK about both.
  2. Your best friend may have other friends too. Accept it.
  3. We are imperfect people. Your friends will disappoint you. Forgive them even before they as
  4. A lack of phone contact should not breed insecurity, just excitement when you finally do connect.
  5. Don’t be a high maintenance friend, life’s hard enough. Just love well and often
  6. Apologize when you screw up, because you will.
  7. Don’t just say you’re going to pray for her, actually pray, even when she doesn’t ask.
  8. There’s a fine line between sharing information and gossiping. Don’t cross it and ask your friends to do the same.
  9. And lastly, no matter what it takes, catch up once in awhile. It will be worth it!

I hope this acts as a friendly reminder of why girlfriends matter in good times and bad, laughter and tears, and through the highs and lows that reveal who’s with us for the long haul, and who’s willing to share in our suffering so that one day, when we’re laughing together again , there will be a history that makes the laughter sound richer and stirs the curiosity of anyone in earshot.

Call your girlfriend. Now.

Image result for girls looking out

 

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Posted in m@dness

To the Warm n Fuzzy Ones

Another week, another Monday  I had a pretty blah weekend. Nothing much to do. S and DC came for a “flying visit”  with Lil on Saturday. Slept the whole of Sunday! Thats it. Tada! And the weekend was over n done with.So as I sat in a contemplative mood, I realized that the art of comforting ourselves is something we start practicing from childhood. It can start from ice-creams, chocolates, maggi, and as we grow up into that incomprehensible term “adults”, it can turn into taking walks, listening to music…sometimes the illusive “calming” power of cigarettes or alcohol. The last two are rather sad ways and do not provide comfort as much as escapism, and the two are pretty different things, actually. But for some of us, the instant magic that hugging a teddy bear brought us as children remains just that magical and fool-proof. It is not something that many people do or know or even admit to. But for those of us who do know..hmmm how would we describe the feeling? I have spent numerous years trying my hand at word-play and sophistry and yet, no amount of it can describe feelings such as this other than all warm and fuzzy! It’s like being engulfed by a soft blanket when its snowing outside. Its just that simple, yet that precious. And those of us who are really lucky, meet someone who has this same charm and is going to be there for life.

So, this is for the warm and fuzzy beings in my life. We dont see each other often, some I see over few weeks and some I havent even seen for years. But, whenever we do get together, its a funny feeling. To my teddies!

Chech! I hate meeting and talking to new people. I get so awkward and all “um..um and more umm”, its ridiculous. yet, the first time I talked to you, all I did was laugh. No, no, not at you…well, may be a little. But anyhow, I did not think it was possible to like you better than I did already. And then, I met you. I am glad you are married to my brother!We wouldnt have been able to find him anybody half as nice as you.

Deeps n Div! One of the luckiest things to happen to me was meeting you both when I did…just when I moved to the new city. All the misery I anticipated was virtually cut down to half thanks to you. I still remember what Deeps said to me as I was returning  from Cochin…how lucky I was to have spent 19 years of my life amidst things that remain unknown to so many. And ever since I came here, I have realised just how right you were. For all those endless hours that I bombarded you with my home-sickness and exactly why I just have to go back someday, you always seemed to understand. Maybe you do not really. Maybe you are just being nice and humoring a cribbing soul. But the way you do it makes all the difference. Div, You make momentary childishness seem “okay,”even needed, actually. With you, its okay to cry now and then, be hurt over trivial matters and think about things near impossible to achieve. And how, oh how do you always manage to make people laugh? No matter what the situation, with you smiles are always guaranteed.

Sin: A lot of people are ever ready to provide advice. Stupid advice, irritating advice, belittling advice and so on. But I actually like listening to what you have to say. Because you do not patronize. You do not make the other person feel stupid for getting into stupid situations in the first place, even if they are. You do not ask for the reasons behind everything. You actually remember that careless mistakes or short-sightedness are things that all of us commit at some point in time. This little something is always conveniently forgotten by many.

Soooo of all people,the four of  you will understand that sometimes words are not the best way out. And me? I am pretty bad with them. Sometimes the subject is just too weird, too infuriating and sometimes, just too nice. I am sorry I could not manage something better than this, because you deserve much better!But I want you to know that you are among the best people I have met, or will ever meet. I love you because you are honest, simple and without airs. Yes, and I think you all  are smart. Very smart actually. Because unlike so many, you do not disregard emotions. And please do not ever start doing that.

I am so glad I found people like you, so glad that you are here to stay. In a world so full of egoists and mean people, you give me hope of actual nice people out there somewhere. You are among my most favorite people in the world. You are the best teddy bear I could have asked for. Thank you for all the times you have made me feel so warm and fuzzy. I hope you are not tired, because I will always need more of that.

For you, I wish I could write better!:)

Yes, you will see a lot of good things and happiness on my blog from now on, hopefully. I am trying to be thankful for all the things I have in life and stay happy atleast for the sake of people around me to whose misery I seem to be adding to! So here’s wishing me some good luck and maybe peace if not happiness!

Posted in m@dness

Of Old friends, Distance and Telephone Calls

Its raining here now. Don’t know why but rain always makes me write. An old friend messaged me today and was telling me how we don’t talk and spend time together like before. It bought me back to my school days. A time when the most complicated things in life were a one chapter test the next day or a school badge going missing or a torn holy book!( I will write a post on that someday)

Till about 4th standard, my grandma was around to help my dad bring us up, my brother and I that is. Well it was mostly me coz my brother was not around too often as he was away at college. A year and a half I went straight to my aunt’s house from school and when I began to totally hate it, I somehow convinced my dad that I would come home straight from school. So when I was in class 7, I came home directly from school everyday for the next 5  years. Empty home, yes! But empty home came with a gift of sorts, freedom. School was till 1:20 p.m and I would reach home by 2:15 latest. Lunch was noodles almost every day unless I got fed up and made eggs and had it with bread. I still have that emotional bonding with noodles!

I used to watch tv till about 3;00 pm and then take a nap till 4;4:30. THEN the phone calls used to start! I wouldn’t use the word gang coz we used to fight and make up and fight and join other gangs all the time. But I had this circle of about 4-5 people and we used to call each other up every single day like the next day was coming to an end. The phone would just ring non stop! When one call ended, the other would ring. There was no facebook at that time and the only was we could UPDATE each other of our activities were to call each other. No conference call either. So if we had to share some piece of info(read gossip) , the only way was to call each of them up! Now when I think of it I cannot help but laugh at the number of times we were shouted at and reprimanded for the times we called each other up! Jyo, my closest buddy since school and I used to call each other almost 30 times every day. This inspite of meeting in school, travelling in the same bus and staying just 2 minutes away from each other. It was fun. Great fun. Gossiping, sharing the most intricate details of everyday, updating each other by the minute on the activities, deciding who to target the next say, crushes, daily crushes, teachers etc.

Today, we are miles apart, both by distance and mind. We hardly talk once in a week. Updates are seen on facebook and the like/comment is used like read receipt. We meet once in three months, that is four times a year. Catch up on old times, but the distance is there, screaming at my face. We tried every trick to reduce the gap, but sometimes time just gets to you.

When I was a kid, I had just a few people and I was happy and contempt and felt like I didn’t need anybody else other than these people to live. Now, a grown up woman that I am, having so many friends and circles, I feel lost. Somewhere hidden inside is a girl who is still holding on to a phone to get that call of life. A girl who has walked beyond yesterday but not yet reached today.