Posted in m@dness

Ramblings-5

Mental peace is all about being able to maintain a balance between the extremes that we are soooo used to in life. A balance between work and pleasure, between being a complete workaholic to being able to take it easy. A fine balance between family responsibilities and social life. This balance doesn’t necessarily come into the picture when you talk about the bigger things in life. Of late I have noticed that it’s the smaller, seemingly unessential, inconsequential things that really make a difference. Like finding the right balance between wild, crazy weekends and ones spent at home doing nothing in particular, giving your body the rest it unconsciously seeks after 5 stressed days at work. The balance between downright madness and laughter and uninhibited fun and those moments of quiet solitude, doing all the planning and thinking one needs to do, something that we cannot do without, no matter how much we tell ourselves that we can.

As we grow older, our circumference of acquaintances expands every minute and the core of those true, real, 2 am friends, decreases. The superficiality of relationships increases. But then again, more often than not, it’s these superficial acquaintances that eventually help you network, something that is fast becoming indispensable in our world, especially as far as career moves are concerned. So again, the balance between networking with acquaintances and spending quality, “no hang ups” time with close, “real” friends.

Emotional attachments, yet another thing that screams attention when it comes to balancing. One of the most difficult things according to me is being able to find the right balance between being emotionally independent and letting your guards down and opening yourself up to hurt and despair. After all, you win some, you lose some. Acceptance doesn’t come easy, especially in our world when we condition ourselves to hold up these guards. But to find happiness, a lot of times these guards have to come down. Easier said than done, but that’s the way it is.

And then comes the balance between holding on and letting go.Something I don’t want to detail on, for reasons known best to me.

Somewhere between planning and dreaming about my future and getting nostalgic about my past, I was beginning to forget that I have a present that’s completely mine. Probably the only thing in my life that I have complete control on. And I knew I had to balance it out… Again! It might sound funny coming from someone who had always been at extremes with everything and someone who never believed in shades of grey and always saw life only in black and white until a few years ago, but I seem to have found my balance. Not the perfect one, but a balance nevertheless. The balance between being wise. And otherwise. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Posted in m@dness

Ramblings-3

Some people say they will be there with you no matter what happens, some others will walk away from your life for reasons that dont make any sense at all and then there is the third category of people who will not just say that they will be there for you at all times, but will also hold your hand and walk with you through the happiest and worst of times. Thank god for them.

Am off for a week. No phones, no internet, nobody. I took a stand. And am glad I did. People who know me well, know that I am doing nothing wrong. And they are with me in the decisions I make. I am sick and tired of living life according to other people’s rules and so starting now, I am going to live life the way I chose to live it, the way I want.

Before I go, here’s a little something for you to ponder on; Do not ever comment on someone else’s life or the mistakes they make when you have done the same thing in the past. Someone forgave you and held you close inspite of all the mistakes you commited. Then why not give someone another chance? Why lose people to petty egos and misconceptions? Life is too damn short to waste it on hating and losing friends. And for once in your  life, just one damn time, be happy for someone else. The moment you start seeing happiness in other people,you will see your own miseries slipping away.

Oh and lastly, dont let anyone and I mean anyone take away what makes you happy. Its just not worth the hassle.

As for me, I am off to a place to meet someone whose mere presence makes me the happiest 🙂

Have a great week ahead 🙂

“Aint no mountain high enough

Aint no valley low enough

Aint no river wide enough

that keeps me from getting to you”

Posted in Moanday Mornings

The Dilemma of saying No or Yes

I have been attending trainings the whole of last week. Since I was outta office for a long time,somehow today it really felt like mo(a)nday morning! SO  I am grumpy! There have been quite some stuff happening around here which kinda makes me think as to why it is so difficult to say no or maybe yes sometimes.

I’ve always thought that ‘yes’ and ‘no’ are both perfectly acceptable answers to questions such as ‘Am I getting the job’, ‘Is this person really worth the time’, ‘Did they like me’ etc. If the answer is a no and I’m the one at the receiving end, I won’t pretend that it doesn’t hurt just a wee bit. Heck, I might even stay in bed for a day and expect my friends to act like their lives have come to an end, now that my job/life in general has not worked out. But I’ll get over it. And see it for what it is. I chose to put my pride out there where it could get beaten to a pulp and it did! And the person ‘dishing it out’ was in actual fact, being fair to me, by not leading me on.

However, what I’ve observed and absolutely cannot fathom, is the tendency for people to avoid giving an answer altogether. When it comes to bad news, I’ve been on both sides of the fence. And I can say for a fact that it isn’t easy telling someone that something isn’t working or seeing someone’s work and being stuck with the responsibility of telling them that they ‘just don’t have it’. It’s cruel. It’s scary. But it’s honest. And it’s the harder and better thing to do. Because unlike the breakee, the breaker doesn’t have the luxury of self-pity to fall back on. Only the guilt of breaking someone’s heart or destroying someone’s dreams. I think the whole problem behind this kind of evasive, non-confrontational behaviour is the need to be liked. By everyone.

Thankfully, this is not one of my many needs.

So I’m usually unaffected by issues such as ”my family thinks you’re too headstrong’ or ‘my friends think you’re stuck up.’ My only response is ‘what do you think?’ and I silently smirk at the thought of how much we tune our lives to what other people think!?But who do you say that I am?’ Sure enough, the person in question, in an attempt to give a manly/womanly answer, meekly agrees that it doesn’t matter what everybody thinks. Except that it does. He/She’s one of those I-want-everybody-to-like-me-so-I-lie-to-keep-everyone-happy types, so the relationship goes on for as long as it possibly can on a foundation of lies!

Sigh

Life would be so simple if people learnt to handle rejection gracefully and these evasive ones didn’t feel the need to be evasive anymore. Just think of how much time we could all save! Phew. Love might make the world go round. But ‘no’ makes it linear and less-complicated.

Posted in close to heart

Not(e) in the mood-12

I have heard that as babies, we were all easy. These days, spending time with Lil has made me realise it too.One cry meant you were hungry..Another to say the baby is bored. Sometimes it means you are sleepy and sometimes it just means the baby wants to be showered with attention.A child’s life is so easy to decipher and maybe thats the reason they dont hurt for too long. It’s only as adults that we become difficult.We start to hide our feelings, put up walls.It gets to the point where we never really know how anyone thinks or feels.Without meaning to, we become masters and mistresses of disguise.

It’s not always easy to speak your mind.Sometimes you need to be forced to do it.Sometimes it’s better to just keep things to yourself, though.Play dumb even when your whole body’s aching to come clean. Shut your mouth.Keep the secret…And find other ways to make yourself happy. Sometimes, keeping it to yourself is the best gift you could give yourself. It spares you from the wrath of insecurities,  complexes and the pain of being let down.

However, through the passage of time, I have come to realize that life is a gift. Accept it.No matter how screwed up or painful it seems to be.Some things are going to work out as if they were destined to happen.As if they were just meant to be.

zivot je cudo

Posted in m@dness

N there lies the difference

Between pride and dignity. Ego.
Between justice and revenge. Motivation.
Between knowledge and wisdom. Application.
Between beauty and superficiality. External validation.
Between bliss and ignorance. Waking up.
Between bitterness and pragmatism. Clarity.
Between intelligence and stupidity. Close-mindedness. Not profanity.

Yesterday being Independence Day and all , I was thinking of what Independence meant to me. No no not patriotism and all. You know, the term Independence! That to me being independent meant a lot more than all of the above mentioned words. To me independence means being complete without depending on anyone for anything. It means I am allowed to make decisions that concern my life, alone. It means no bias on the basis of gender, race or religion. It means to live and let live!

n you know the difference between Infatuation and Love is Uncondiotionality!

There’s a liberty that comes with accepting the fleeting nature and breathtaking (in?)significance of the human condition. Forever is word best suited to fairy tales, don’t you think?

Posted in m@dness

n they say Life holds all answers!

To be happy or to be successful?
There are those who think happiness is overrated.
They are the ones who don’t understand life at all.
If that makes me selfish or an objectivist(mad word of the day), so be it.
My life. My terms. I want happiness. Lucky for people, I find happiness in the smallest things.
I’ve been feeling apprehensive about my future of late.What do I really want to make of my life?Will I able to make a difference? Bring about a change in attitude, circumstance or ideology. I don’t want to be just one of the many with a high-powered prestigious job and hefty salary who makes no difference if alive or dead. I really don’t. I would much rather earn a smaller income, do what I want to do and be happy in my life n make a difference to the lives of people.Yes, I know how many reading this will think of the immature idealism underlining this statement. No, I am not lazy and thats not why I chose to settle down in a nice cozy life. I believe that because you have ONLY one life, you are supposed to do what you want with it instead of thinking about what people might say if you don’t have a 7 figure salary by 30 n stuff! Bah to them!
To be honest, as I write this, I am thinking of the impracticality and impossibility of it all.I hear close friends talking about leaving the country and never looking back. I hear all the rationale for getting a good job “somewhere” and being ‘settled’. And the funny thing is, that also makes sense. A lot of sense. That might just be what I end up doing with my life.Aiiiyyyooo!
It’s just that the idea of being ‘settled’, implies a certain amount of complacence and satisfaction with what I see around me. There are so many things I’m thinking of right now and unable to frame coherently into a sentence.For lack of a better way to put it, I would always like to be somewhat dissatisfied with what I see and what I do. Or else, what is the point of it all?
See I told you I am going nuts with each passing day.I have completely forgotten the point of this post. Tell me if you find one.;)
Posted in m@dness

Running away

Have you ever thought of running away? Yes, I have. A couple of times. On trips to Bangalore when I was my own and only company, I have thought of just running off to some place where not a soul would know me or find me. Its not that I have too many problems in life but there are problems that I really have to run away from. Thoughts and memories that keep coming back to me no matter what. And that is frustrating. I was never like this. I loved life. I had people telling me that I had a spark in me, a spark that would never go off even if I was having a bad time.

Now there isn’t anyone telling me anything. No spark, no people. I cry all the time..I get annoyed very fast.. I shout..I act bad to people…n Now, all I want to do is run!

I want to run away from everything. It was a point where I could just not put up with anything or anyone. I couldn’t take it any longer. I just want to run. I took a long way home one day to decide what I want to do in life and thought. I realised slowly as tears blurred my eyes that no matter where I run, I am never going to get any peace of mind. I realised it is not people who were pulling me down, it’s the thoughts and memories. People remind me of good times I had and how it all ended. They remind me of places, times and memories. I am carrying it all in my mind, afraid that if I let it go, I might not survive. I tried to cry it out, but then the pain turned into anger and I couldnt.

Running away…but lately  I have  realized, the one thing I want to run away from is the person I am… from myself… but darn- it just keeps coming with me wherever I go!

If one day, I muster the courage to run, don’t stop me n don’t come looking for me…