I know who you are, what you do and where you live. I know how many friends you have and how many of them actually mean to you. I am aware of the fact that you love your family even though you don’t show it much. I know whom you hate and the people you wish you could slap. I know all your secrets, the deepest and the darkest. I know to whom you disclosed that confidential information when you got tired and blurted it out. I know why you said it. I am familiar with what you said, and why you said. I am familiar with what you will say. I see what you’ll go through and how much you will suffer. I know which of your dreams will be shattered and which of these will b yours to keep. I can tell you who you’ll loose when but i will only tell you when the time comes. I know what makes you tired and where you wish to go on vacations. I have knowledge about the people you betray and what you lie about. I know what clothes you’ll wear on which occasion and your favourite dessert. I can tell what you believe in and what you are unsure about. I can distinguish between your rights and wrongs. I know your future, your past and all about your present. I am well aware of you and your deeds and yet you hardly remember me.
I make you; your life, your deeds, your thoughts. I want you to stop running away from me. I want you to ask me for help, i want you to believe that you’ll achieve anything which is rightfully yours. I want you to be happy and still be aware of the things that might hurt you. I want you to believe, in yourself.
Good Luck to you.
Smiling takes effort, when a frown will do just as well,
just some way to shape your lips when most of the time not a single soul will notice but we still try and put on a show. Whether I smile or frown, is all a part of the role I play.
Apparently showing the pain or hiding it shows our judges of character and whether I want to roll up in a ball and hide behind a wall of sheets is my decision. It doesn’t show that I am weak, and do not belong here.
Then does smiling show that I am a fool with no heart and am just an empty shell without a soul.
Either way I am judged incorrectly. So I chose to neither smile nor frown. Both take too much effort,but still cost the same amount of pain.
When I start writing this the only thing that is hovered over my mind is that I am just being sheer nostalgic. I don’t really know how far would I go writing this but all I know is that I have this urge to pour out all what I feel at this moment somewhere for I know I cant talk to anyone about it. Not that I have isloated myself or something but sometimes the things that amuse me, happiness that I find in a minute situtaion might not be the very same for the opposite person. Why do I make them waste their hearing abilities in giving a ear to all the stuff which means zilch to them. But writing in here I know somewhere there might be a single soul who would at least figure themselves in my shoes. I know too very melodramatic, but I can be this way sometimes.
All what I say, write or do, depends on my mood. And it fluctuates terribly. I might be in a different mood, and when the pendulum is back to its starting point of oscillation, you find me different. My motive of writing this hasn’t been certain enough. I had no idea that I’ll end up writing here, for when I start, I think I am not a good writer, maintaining a blog isn’t something I should be doing. I really don’t know what I should be doing. I can talk, talk for hours, talk things of which someone would have never thought I have knowledge about. But sometimes there is this part in me which doesn’t know what to talk. Doesn’t have words to frame a sentence to thank someone who made me feel so special that my skull goes in a hypothetical coma. Puts me in a situation where I am all choked and all I know is that I want to convey what I actually feel but I cant. It is something like this that happened to me. The things he had said, produced this new kind of feeling within me which had never been sensed by me. Pride, I christened it. To be someone tiny in his life. That he is someone who plays an important role in my life, for what I am is a part of all the tiny things he thought me. For he is that part of my Alma Matter, that would never be forgotten, and will always be cherished. I know it is something I should be happy about, I should talk to. But the only person I always discussed this with seems to get a feeling that I am not a part of the aura that should surround him, so that hurts.
I knew I would not come real far with this. Mixed Emotions and me, synonymous as always!
I remember getting an SMS sometime back regarding life. It was something like this,
‘Life is like having a cup of tea.
You sit by the side of the window,
lift the cup and take a careless sip,
only to realize that you forgot to put the sugar.
Too lazy to go for it…….
you somehow struggle through the sugarless cup….
until you discover undissolved sugar crystal sitting at the bottom….”
SOmehow I thought about this at the breakfast table today,when my scrambled egg wasn’t done well,I tried to fix it at first,put some butter,added some pepper,still no good,toasted some bread,still not enough perfection,garnished it with
some coriander,I thought maybe the look and smell would make it different. Tough Luck..nothing worked 😦
It occurred to me..this is exactly what happens in real life.We try to over work the solution…but – hey there isn’t one sometimes.If you have screwed it up..you can’t unscrew it.what is done cannot be undone.We chase perfection all out lives , yet many don’t die happy….similarly, some of our actions and deeds once done, cannot be undone no matter what the measure.
Therefore,peace of mind will be in acceptance,then realization,and then making sure
you have learn’t something from it. History will therefore never repeat it self.
I know I am rambling today! Thoughtless Thursdays I guess.
Until next time get yourself a plate of yummy scrambled eggs!
It is sooooooo irritating when there is this song but you cant get it out into words, that movie’s name you cant remember and when you know you know someone but you can’t for the life of you think of where from? I reckon this awkward moment can manifest itself in several ways:
there’s the ‘we just walked past each other and neither of us worked out who each other was until it was too late’ moment. you know the one, where you catch the eye of someone you know, but you don’t recognise them in the context. you know, an old work colleague who you see in the shops, one of your school teachers who you see at the pub, the friend of an ex partner …?
then there’s the ‘only one of us actually knows what is happening here’. Invariably, in this case, you are the one who has no idea. so a person catches your eye, calls your name to stop you so they can have a conversation like, ‘wow, I haven’t seen you in ages. what are you doing with yourself these days? how’s the new place going? and has your sister gotten over her cold yet?’ and you walk away having said something like ‘yeah wow, great to see you mate/buddy/champ’ and still have no idea who they are or where you knew them from. (clearly they knew all about your life though!)
then there’s the ‘neither of us recognised each other until it was ALMOST too late’. this one can be particularly awkward. you know, you walk past a person, you catch each others eye but neither of you can place the other, until AS YOU’RE PASSING, the other person goes ‘hey! how are you?’ and clearly they’ve worked it out. the problem is, they’re doing their darnedest to make it look like they didn’t see you until the last minute (which is why they didn’t respond to seeing you straight away, apparently), and you’ve already walked past them (by now) and the people who were walking in the same direction as you are getting annoyed cos you’ve just stopped in the way to have a conversation. so the whole thing ends with a ‘I’m good – I’ll catch you later, I’ve got to keep moving’.
the worst thing is when any of these scenarios happen and then, seconds after you’ve both walked on, you realise that it was actually some you really would like to see again and you wish you’d recognised them earlier!
Until next time: Watch while you walk 🙂