Posted in m@dness

Girlcations Can Wait!

“We need to go on a girlcation“. I had just sent this to Ms.A this morning as I came across one of our old pics together. Lately, my facebook wall seems to be flooded with ladies going on trips with their girlfriends and the only trip I can think of now, is a trip to the bathroom. Alone. But, I totally envy the girl gang who have actually gone on girlcations. More power to you! And please, this post isn’t an after effect of watching the trailer of Veere di Wedding. Oh I have a gang of girls or I can think of at least 4 people who I’d love to go on a trip with and vice versa. These are people who I want to get together with, talk over vodka, catch up on our lives, non existent careers and post pregnancy bodies!.

In my twenties, I believed that I needed the validation of having a lot of people around me. I needed more friends. More people in my contact list. More connections for things to do. More people to comment on my Facebook posts. And boy I did have a lot of friends.  Today, I look back and know the need to put off that perception of being “liked” in order to feel good about myself.It didn’t take me long after having my first baby to realize how empty that need was. In the first few days or weeks post my delivery, when my heart was full of fear, doubt and exhaustion in its new journey, there really weren’t many of them I felt could call. While I had a lot of “virtual” friends, I could barely call them for a good heart-to-heart chat. I had the validation of feeling liked, but I yearned for the friendships that made me feel alive.

With the coming of my second one, I am convinced that although my “social network” shows that I have 2000+ connections, those are not my forever friends. Since the past few months, my life in general has gone through a storm; I dont mean my little girl, but a series of events from losing loved ones to my dad getting sick to fallouts with family and so today, not only have I learned to value myself, I have also understood the value of real, raw, back-and-forth friendships.

These days, juggling work from home, studying, managing 2 girls, tango and the man, the only time I get to spend being social and friendly with my loved ones are limited to whatsapp chats that I reply to days after I have read it or likes on fb posts or if am very lucky, two minutes of phone calls with kids shrieking in the background. But, I am happy for that, about that. Because, it’s like saying to each other that, we are still a part of each other, we will  talk when we can, we will soak up the times we get together n we will still be with each other when we are allowed a social life years  decades later.

These friends of mine are people I know will wait for me to reply but know exactly when to pick up the phone and call. They know our relation had to take a back seat not because they weren’t important at any point but because they know that we are good enough friends and neither time nor distance can create a scratch, leave alone a scar. People  say that it’s dumb to keep friendships that you can’t devote time and effort to, but I believe it is those relations that are lowest maintenance that are forever and for real. The ones worth keeping. Till the very end.

To my friends who I don’t always get to spend time with, we will do what we can for now and that will be enough. And otherwise, we will do those things and go on girlcations in just a bit. Maybe, 10 years later?

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Posted in close to heart, m@dness

Girlfriends- The Real SoulMates

For oft when on my couch I lie,

In vacant or in pensive mood,

They flash upon that inward eye,

Which is the bliss of solitude.

-William Wordsworth

Quite unlike a normal day, I have a few minutes to spare and I was in the mood for some introspection. Happened to overhear a conversation between 2 college going girls and it bought a rush of memories. The girls were discussing about what to wear to work and what hairdo to adorn to college the next day! I remembered making calls to my bestie asking her what I should wear to the parties, to a function or just to go out. Oh the hours those phone calls used to last! While in school, a minimum of 5 calls after school was a must. The joy and satisfaction was priceless. Conversations would range from normal Wassup to philosophy and life!

Unlike men who never let anything come in between their manfriends and man -time, we women tend to get tied down to a lot of things. Especially after marriage. My bestie and I have been friends for decades. Longevity doesn’t necessarily elicit a deeper friendship but it sure keeps you from having to explain yourself. She knows my story. The ups and downs, the good, bad, ugly. She is my “Remember when” girl.

It’s hard to nurture friendships when you’re busy raising kids. Some days, I don’t have the time or energy. I pick up the phone to call her but something comes up. Despite all this, in some strange way we are connected. There are times when I have received a call just when I needed to speak to her. In my weakest moments  I have noticed that while faith keeps you standing, more than family, friends hold your hand as you slowly move forward. They help you find a new normal, continue checking on you and show love in a million heartfelt ways. And now listening to those girls having fun, I realize the laughter is only part of the story, what comes after the complicated grown-up stuff. And while we certainly need the wonderful men in our lives, for they play a crucial role, too, men simply aren’t designed to understand us like one of our own. Sometimes it takes another woman to intuitively recognize what needs to be done — then do it. Or to sense what needs to be said — then say it. Or to take the thoughts and emotions we don’t voice — and know what to make of them.

Here are the unspoken rules. I want my girl to know..SO…

  1. True girlfriends will tell you the good and the bad stuff. They will also find a way to make you feel OK about both.
  2. Your best friend may have other friends too. Accept it.
  3. We are imperfect people. Your friends will disappoint you. Forgive them even before they as
  4. A lack of phone contact should not breed insecurity, just excitement when you finally do connect.
  5. Don’t be a high maintenance friend, life’s hard enough. Just love well and often
  6. Apologize when you screw up, because you will.
  7. Don’t just say you’re going to pray for her, actually pray, even when she doesn’t ask.
  8. There’s a fine line between sharing information and gossiping. Don’t cross it and ask your friends to do the same.
  9. And lastly, no matter what it takes, catch up once in awhile. It will be worth it!

I hope this acts as a friendly reminder of why girlfriends matter in good times and bad, laughter and tears, and through the highs and lows that reveal who’s with us for the long haul, and who’s willing to share in our suffering so that one day, when we’re laughing together again , there will be a history that makes the laughter sound richer and stirs the curiosity of anyone in earshot.

Call your girlfriend. Now.

Image result for girls looking out

 

Posted in RoMa Chronicles

Love Bits-5

I waited all my life not knowing that my better half, the other half of my soul was just a few streets away from my house. Same school, same tuition and still not bumped into each other. 26 years is a looooong time to waste. Now that I know where my better half is, I cant wait to start.

You think you have seen it all, heard it all, experienced it all. Bountiful is your life, full and complete. Or so you think, until someone comes along and makes you realise what you have been missing all this time. Like a mirror that reflects what is absent rather than present, he shows you the void in your soul , the void you have resisted seeing and fills it a love thats unconditional and divine.

The person can be a lover, a friend or family. What matters is to open your heart to find that soul that will complete you.

Thank you Ro for giving me the time to open up. For having the patience to wait. For letting me be myself and for agreeing to live my dream. I simply love you.

Posted in close to heart

Not(e) in the mood-5

People. They come not only in different shapes and sizes but with distinct mental make up as well. Yes, we all belong to the same race and have same origins and you may be able to find people that look alike and even have identical DNA’s but you can just not find people with similar mental make up. Just when you think you have cracked the code and finally began to understand people, there comes a turn of events and you realise that you are back at first base. Everything you have ever learned and relearned and unlearned fails to teach you what you actually need to know to live this life. People.

 

“However no matter what life throws at us and no matter how mad we are at people in general, at the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want, is to be close to somebody. SO this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other,is usually a load of shit!So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to.

And once we’ve chosen those people we tend to stick close by… no matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And yes surely, sometimes close can be too close. But, sometimes that invasion of personal space… it can be exactly what you need.”

 

Hope you have chosen yours….

I prefer legs to hands!! N i love sitting with legs stretched n talking! Is that a sin!?!?;)

Posted in close to heart

>Soulmates

>

Know, therefore ,that from the greater silence I shall return…Forget not that I shall come back to you…A little while, a moment of rest upon the wind, and another woman shall bear me. “

—Kahlil Gibran


There is someone special for everyone.Often there are two or three or even four.They come from different generations.They travel across oceans of time and depths of heavenly dimensions to be with you again.They come from the other side, from heaven.They look different but your heart knows them.You heart has held them in arms like yours, in the moon filled deserts of Egypt and the ancient plains of Mongolia.You have ridden together in the armies of forgotten warrior-generals, and you have lived together in the sand-covered caves of the Ancient ones. You are bonded together throughout eternity, and you will never be alone.
Your head may interfere: “I do not know you.” Your heart knows.
He takes your hand for the first time, and the memory of his touch transcends time and sends a jolt through every atom of your being.She looks into your eyes,and you see a soul companion across centuries.Your stomach turns upside down.your arms are gooseflesh.Everything outside this moment loses its importance.
He may not recognise you,even though you have finally met again,even though you know him. You can feel the bond.You can see the potential,the future.But he does not.His fears,his intellect,his problems keep a veil over his heart’s eyes.He does not let you help him sweep the veil aside.You mourn and grieve,and he moves on.Destiny can be so delicate.
When both recognise each other,no volcano could erupt with more passion.The energy released is tremendous.

Soul recogniton may be immediate.A sudden feeling of familiarity,of knowing this person at depths, beyond what the conscious mind could know.At depths usually reserved for the most intimate family members.Or even deeper than that.Intutively knowing what to say, how they will react.A feeling of safety and a trust far greater than could be earned in only one day or one week or one month.

Soul recognition may be subtle and slow.A dawning of awareness as the veil is gently lifted.Not everyone is ready to see right away.There is a timing at work and patience may be necessary for the one who sees first.

You may be awakened to the presence of your soul companion by a look, dream,a memory ,a feeling.You may be awakened by the touch of his hands or the kiss of her lips, and your soul is jolted back to life.

The touch that awakens may be that of your child, of a parent,a sibling or a true friend.Or it may be your beloved,reaching across the centuries, to kiss you once again and to remind you that you are together always, to the end of time.



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Dr. Brian Weiss is a traditional psychotherapist. He is a graduate of Columbia University and Yale Medical School, Brian L. Weiss M.D. is Chairman Emeritus of Psychiatry at the Mount Sinai Medical Center in Miami. He is also the author of several to books which have all been International best-sellers.

I have read most of his books and what he has to say in indeed extremely interesting.

I am a firm believer of the fact that science,even though has advanced so much, is yet to discover answers to so many many questions. Like I have said before, a hundred years back,people would have laughed at you if you had said that it is possible to land on the moon. Five hundred years back, when Galileo said that the world was not flat,but round, he was persecuted by the Catholic Church.

Today when we think of it, we say “Of course, the world is round. How could they have believed it was flat. How foolish and ignorant they were!”

Who knows maybe 100 years from now, people will say the same thing about Past lives.

Just like there are many Medical miracles for which there is absolutely no logical explanation, so too, there indeed exist many ‘feelings and connections’ which people are unable to find an explanation for.

Some people believe in karmic connections and others feel it is your mind fooling you and there is nothing like that.

But mostly all of us agree that towards some people, we feel an instant like, and towards some people, an instant dislike. One could argue that it could be because of subtle sizing up that happens when one meets an individual, yet many a time, there would be ‘nothing wrong’ with the person, yet one cannot put a finger on why one does not like them Similarly, sometimes, we like someone a lot even after talking to them for just 5 minutes. And sometimes weird coincidences happen which feel completely bizarre as though it has been cleverly orchestrated.

Brian Weiss and scores of others would probably explain it as a past life connection.I do not know how much of it can be proved without an iota of doubt or skepticism, but I do know one thing for sure:
No matter what, no matter how much you try to fight it,some things are just meant to be.

Faster one accepts this Truth, the more peace one feels with oneself.