Posted in m@dness

Boy, you can cry too!

When there is a lot of pain that has been trapped inside you
When u feel that u have nothing to hold on tight
When U can see your life tumbling down the steps of expectations 
 When ur heart just cannot endure anything more
When u just don’t want the day to dawn
When u jus spend sleepless nights
When u jus seem to loose yourself
When there is agony and despair piercing the eyes
When there is a betrayal by your close one hitting you tight
When there is a feeling of confusion and isolation
Yes ….When u find yourself in a traumatic state
That would be the last straw for u to break 
Why shouldn’t you

Cry your heart aloud and give vent to your feelings ??Why should you think that shedding tears is being powerless or being timid . I personally feel it’s the most unadulterated form of emotions. Yes tat powerful element “ tears” when it flows down our cheeks , our hearts starts to feel light.It tries to put our hearts in a state of composure. It acts as a catalyst to visualize some ray of hope …   It does not reduce the pain, but makes you a little sane . It does. IIf you are an avid reader of this blog, you would know that for the past few months I have been expression less. I was trying not to cry. I tried and held on for a month but in the end, when I broke into tears and cried my big fat lungs out, I felt relieved. Crying is the best way you can console yourself. It gives you strength and a sense of conviction. It really does!

What really baffles me is that Boys are called timid when they cry. The other day at a function, the brother of a bride began to cry. He was cryin because he was super attached to his sister and could not fathom that she wouldn’t be around in that house anymore. The minute he began to cry, his relatives and friends started poking him and saying “cheee vinay, you’re a boy, don’t cry! Be a man!!”  And I was thinking, what does being a man have to do with crying! Duh if he felt relieved after crying, so be it. And he wasn’t even wailing, he was just shedding a tear or two. Come on they absolutely have the right to… Its after all a form of expression of their feelings …Why should they be looked down when they express it in this  mode . When they were babies in their diapers, they were allowed to cry and scream. Even when they were toddlers, they were allowed to cry for what they want. Then why this whole constraint and restrictions and bias when adult boys (Ahem ahem) men cry! When someone dies they are allowed to cry but if something goes wrong in their relationships or with their emotions, they aren’t allowed to cry. Come on! Where did gender inequality go?! I was telling my dad the other day, its no wonder that there are more men suffering from Identity Disorders and Depression!

I am someone who believes(thanks to the early interference of Psychology) that if emotions are kept suppressed for a long time, it can cause havoc later. It’s like filling the dam with water much more than it’s capacity. If you do not constantly disperse the water, one day the dam will break and the damage is irreversible.

So if you feel low, boy or girl, you want to cry, go ahead, cry! If it’s a woman, no problem at all and if you are a man, believe me one day the world will look at you and say, “ a man who is man enough to cry.”

Posted in m@dness

Being Strong

He knew his words would scar her trust. He knew he was the reason for her tears. the world would throw stones on him. The world – silent spectators of a story unknown to them. He would smile through his wounds. tomorrow the world would smile with him and she would smile with the world. These tears would make her bold. these wounds would make her stronger than a man, these wounds would make her a woman.

He never believed in destiny till he came face to face with the society. he had no faith in miracles and now he prays for one! He knows his intentions and he follows his heart. He might be wrong but this is a risk he has to take for tomorrow remains a mystery to them. He would smile through his wounds. tomorrow the world would smile with him and she would smile with the world.

*He is not a person who is difficult to change, he is just scared of the change.

Posted in close to heart

Things Change- On Suicide Prevention

I had written this a little while ago after i had read a news about this incident and it moved me to write about it:

(Please read the post if you haven’t read it before continuing further)

On Sunday night, Bangalore city claimed yet another suicide victim. Ruchi Shandilya who was just 25, ended her life by hanging herself from the ceiling fan, in her apartment, near Ulsoor lake. She has worked with manoviraj Khosla for three years. He is holidaying abroad and when he heard of her death, he was shocked and completely shattered. She had been married for the past three years to Prashant Kumar and her marriage had run into rough waters. There were constant fights. On Friday, after one such fight, Prashant stormed out of the house and moved into his friend’s place.Ruchi later constantly tried to contact him but he did not answer her phone calls. On Monday morning when he returned home, the sight that greeted him was Ruchi’s dead body hanging from the ceiling.

What truly breaks my heart in this story is that Ruchi repeatedly tried to reach out. I can empathise completely with her pain and her desperation Can you imagine her agony for her to have taken this extreme step? It is easy to say “People have fights all the time, why should anyone take their life for that?” Fact is it is not that single fight which would have caused her to end her life. It would have been the last straw that broke the camel’s back.

The strongest signals which a person likely to commit suicide gives out is “I cannot go on anymore.” They may not say so in so many words, but they may reach out. Suicide is rarely a spur of the moment decision. It is not like how it is shown in the movies.

Suicides can definitely be prevented by talking about issues. And for talking one needs a trusted friend, a confidante and sometimes just somebody who cares enough to listen.

Had Prashant picked up Ruchi’s calls, her death would probably have been prevented.
If Ruchi had a close and trusted friend whom she could have called when Prashant did not respond, her death might have been prevented.
If someone who knew Ruchi cared deeply about her, her death could still have been prevented.

What I feel most hurt about is, nobody really cares..For most people, this just a story in today’s newspaper which will go into trash pile tomorrow.

In any relationship, fights are inevitable. In life problems are inevitable. But what is needed is talking about it. One cannot cut off from loved ones, the way Prashant did just because he was angry. The least he could have done was pick up her calls. He owed her that much. After all, they must have had something between them, for them to get married.

But things change you, see (and that was meant sardonically).

P.S: If you have even one single dependable friend and a true friend, hold on to them. They are worth their weight in gold.

Posted in Uncategorized

>Like a TV


One day a teacher of a primary school asked her students to write a essay about what they would like God to do for them.

Later in the evening while checking those essays at home, she came across
one that made her very emotional. Her husband, who just walked in saw her
crying, enquired: “What happened?”

Handing over a sheet of paper, she answered, “Read this. It’s an essay by
one of my students”

The essay, “I just want to live like a TV” read as under:

Oh God, tonight I ask you something very special: Make me into atelevision. I want to take its place.

Live like the TV in my house. Have my own special place and have my family
around ME.

To be taken seriously when I talk . . . I want to be the centre of
attention and be heard without interruptions or questions.

I want to receive the same special care that the TV receives even when it
is not working.

Have the company of my dad when he arrives home from work, even when he is
tired. And I want my mom to want me when she is sad and upset, instead of
ignoring me . . .

And . . . I want my brothers to fight to be with me . . . I want to feel
that family just leaves everything aside, every now and then, just to
spend some time with me.

And last but not least make it that I can make them all happy and
entertain them.

Lord I don’t ask you for much . . . I just want to live like every TV.”

Having finished reading the essay, the husband gravely remarked: “My God,
poor kid. What horrible parents!”

Tears rolling down her cheek, she looked up at him and calmly said: “That
essay is written by our son!!!

Posted in close to heart

>Perfectly Imperfect


I have never been considered to be a gal coz i don’t seem to have most of the features that a gal of my age is supposed to have..It never concened me that i hardly look at the mirror or that i never went to a parlour or that i never combed my hair 50 times a day or that i washed my face 5 times!!! m a lot comfortable with d guys and well they seem to be comfortable with me too! I know quite a few of my buddies who continue with their usual boy talk irrespective of the fact that am around…
I have always convinced myself that its coz i have been brought up around 2 men and have always been proud of the fact that i have never given any1 point a finger at them n say they haven’t bought me up in the proper way.. I have always told myself that its okay coz people would understand that its not my fault that am not the perfect gal..
My buddies in school had less problems coz they loved d way i understood them, unlike the rest of my galfriends who used to get angry at the guys of something they did or didnt do!In college i met girls who used to spend hours in front of the mirror just to go to college and if it was to meet their mates it was hours or even a nightfull! My best gals sat me down one day and made me dress like a girl with make up n all that and i was stunned! Well i didnt look like Miss Universe or the FTv material but man i did look good!But the fun lasted just that day coz wen i went to college like that my friends thought i was crazy..they said i was best the way i was n that i didnt have to change!
I think i do remember my relatives telling me wen i was a kid to wear girly clothes and jwellery and look like a gal It never used to hurt then ! These days somehow it hurts a lot wen people who mean a lot to me (no offence to anyone in particular) say that they just dont think i can ever be a girl.. they say i just dont remind them of a gal.. My hero thinks there is no point telling me to change coz i will never..He tells me that i should start being conscious of people and of the way i carry myself, that i should throw away my t’s n other boyish stuff! Guess today was the last stab and the hardest..I never realised how much it bothered him until today..How am i supposed to convince them that i am trying.. It takes time to change habits that have been a part of me for a long time now.. But I will change..
“Am not a girl
Not yet a woman
All I need is time
A moment that is mine
While Im in between
Im not a girl”
P.S- People, I am Straight and I think inspite of being perfectly imperfect he still adores me!
Posted in close to heart

>the Long Goodbye


Moments that we’d shared, cannot be jotted down on paper,
But nevertheless it was always there.
You walked into my life, and made the deepest mark,
This ignited my fire, which gave birth to a spark,

When you were here, I had the world with me,
It is heaven; I wish it could be eternity,
We walked side by side,
Hand in hand, under the moonlight,
The touch of your hand, your presence worthwhile,
The warmth that you gave me made me feel so secure,
I would be with you in pain; I would be with you in cure!

As the sun rose, and a new day just began,
You left my hand and told me it’s all done,
I knew you had to go, but thought you’ll stay by my side,
That look in your eyes, just seemed to tell me more,
Though, the parting was a pain, our love seemed to grow,
You told me not to cry, but, keep a positive heart,
“Because all good things don’t stay together, but often stay apart.”

The day finally dawned, when you left me all alone,
Like an orphan misses a mother, and a homeless misses a home,
The depth in your eyes, your touch and your feel,
Is what I knew I’d miss, I’d miss you for real,
The passion and that care, you’ve showered on me,
Are all those special moments, and that’s what they are going to be.

If I had to give you something, that would remind you of me,
I’d give you a house full of memories,
Because memories are things that go deeper into time,
We could look back at them and revive all that, lasting for years to go,
The memories we build together, those we would cherish forever,
All that we shared, we’d capture under lock and key,
And make a life in that house, which is ideal for you and me.

Its time for us to part, you’ll be at the other end of the world,
Both of us with a totally shattered heart,
My heart bleeds to see you depart,
I will wait for you with bated breath,
I will lead my life, but I will also fret,
Cause without you I am incomplete, the emptiness is there,
Only when you are with me again, will that hollowness disappear.

As the sun goes down, with autumn all around,
Till the waters are blue, I will wait for you,
I wish you luck for the times we‘re apart,
I will miss you, don’t worry I will convince my heart.

P.S- Courtesy: Nisha

Posted in m@dness



There are so many promises we make…some we make to ourselves and some to others..Its difficult…coz promises are all about making a choice. Simply put,”to do or not to do”. people say that promises are meant to be broken but the way i see it..promises are a hope for the future..the way my hero see s it, “hoping against hope”.

Well i have nothing much to say today except that i guess one has to beware of promises, even the ones you make to yourself because promises are a lot like spider webs, they have a way of spinning out until you are left with nothing but the cobwebs.