Smiling takes effort, when a frown will do just as well,
just some way to shape your lips when most of the time not a single soul will notice but we still try and put on a show. Whether I smile or frown, is all a part of the role I play.
Apparently showing the pain or hiding it shows our judges of character and whether I want to roll up in a ball and hide behind a wall of sheets is my decision. It doesn’t show that I am weak, and do not belong here.
Then does smiling show that I am a fool with no heart and am just an empty shell without a soul.
Either way I am judged incorrectly. So I chose to neither smile nor frown. Both take too much effort,but still cost the same amount of pain.
A chunk of things to do and bundle of desires to complete. Desire is something you never want to give up on…but you have to sometimes. Practical world deals with technology, work places, discussions, meetings, timings and lot more things which seem to organize life in a way or so. What organization can you imply and apply to your daily needs if you don’t have the desire to?
If i say i don’t like to work on the stuff that i am doing, you might interpret me in a wrong way. You might start thinking that i am a girl with less capabilities, few abilities, lots and lots of laziness pouring out, not a work freak or what commoners now call it as a workaholic….I don’t care what you think but i feel the need to explain how i have suffocated throughout my life in getting a good education , building a not so bad career, being just more than perfect on the time frame of my own life….i feel disgusted at this point when i think that i have achieved tons of things which don’t belong to me or i can put it in a better way saying “i don’t belong to them”.
Why is it always that you have to flow with the stream…why cant the stream take your turn and flow according to you? Those were the people who first made the water take this direction and we are the idiots following them and spending our entire lives preserving their way. Why do i care for such a stranger who made this unknown path for me and why do i have to follow it?
I ask myself then….hey GIRL, do you even have your own way to start with, do you even have the guts to go along your own path? Frankly, I don’t know….but yes, i know the things i am good at….may be few, i have some strong points and i remember the moments when I saw My Name is Khan and wondered whether there were people like that in the world who would create a path n change destiny. O what an excellent creation! Ya…. that was the day when i recognized my suffocated soul far more better. I tried helping myself with the one and only truth that everybody has it in them to show the world that they exist and everybody can create a path just for them. Yes it is….it is the truth and it is a blessing very few seem to recognize.
Well, i don’t want to be a philosopher or something but just wanted to open up today. Thoughtful Thursdays I guess…….
I keep pushing the limits and keep testing the boundaries which were so rigidly predefined in my mind before. Ever since this illusion has shattered, all avenues have opened to be explored. I’ve been feeling quite overwhelmed by the options I have before me.It’s interesting to learn for yourself that reality is what you make of it. You define for yourself what and who you accept to be real and to what extent. A forbidden thought, whispered by the smallest of voices in your head in the dead of the night, can be more real for you than the most glaring of truths screamed at you in blinding daylight. Reality is what you allow it to be. Reality is what you choose to accept it to be. And in as much, there are limitless opportunities before us.The further you go from it, the closer it seem to keep you.It defies all logical sense.
So I long since accepted you to be the exception to every rule I came up with. Rules which I needed to make sense of my life. Codes of behavior I take everyone else to task with. But you…you I have always let slip through the loopholes in every situation. You, I have always made excuses for. You….
..not because you needed it. Which really is the catch.
We tend to overlook things we shouldn’t. And look over things we needn’t.
I spoke of gifts of hedonistic pleasure at one point in life. You gave me gifts far beyond any I received so far, and frankly, far beyond any I hope to ever receive again. Simply because I cannot imagine anyone else doing for me what you do “Quietly”
P.S- Thoughtless Thursdays
The thing about giving people advice, whether it’s solicited or not, is that you feel responsible if they act upon it, and even more so if the outcome is not exactly as envisaged.
Today I look back and say, damn I wish I was 18 again. But the pig-headed moron that I am, I dont think I’d have done a damn thing differently, given another chance.
All I wanted to say is: whatever you do, just make sure you dont find yourself looking back when you’re 30 and saying: damn! how I wish I hadn’t done that.
Everywhere you look you find people compromising on this or that, something or the other. And compromise is not that bad a thing if you really think about it, because you usually find that when people compromise or give in, they automatically start to make adjustments.
And it is these adjustments that over a period of time, tend to make things ok. That’s when you find yourself saying: hey, that didn’t turn out all that bad.
But people like me – we listen to nobody; we want what we want, and we’ll go to any lengths to get it, sometimes stumbling all the way.
“A tiny change today brings us to a dramatically different tomorrow. There are grand rewards for those who pick the high hard roads, but those rewards are hidden by years. Every choice is made in the uncaring blind, no guarantees from the world around us.”
No guarantees indeed.
Sometimes there is an instinct in me which compels me to sit at one place, strain my brain and pour out all my heart on the sheet. But sometimes this enemy of mine distracts me and everything, instincts, feelings,urges are left far behind. I despise this creature a lot, for he interferes in all my decision making, well not all but most of it by whispering in my ear talks that bring a gentle smile on my face, by tickling me that I end up jumping up, by making funny faces that seem so amusing that I just feel he continues to do so for all the while, by distracting me,immensely and I can’t even cease him from doing so, such an over powering soul! There hasn’t been a single day since this summer that me and this fellow haven’t been in touch. The moment I am assigned some work to do, this creature comes into picture out of nowhere. Just like a situation where your cellphone beeps when you had least expected it to. Just like I get this text from him, ” mads, you shouldn’t be doing that work..It aint Awesome!”.. And a dumbhead like me fell for it, over and over again!..
By now you must have obtained a blurred image of this obtuse creature on your retina, if not, let me fill in you with some more details. This creature isn’t as old as me. He is, by what I’ve noticed, a few years younger to me. Takes full advantage of his youth, I tell you. In spite of that I fall a prey to his words, kill me, seriously. Once he starts talking to you, you’d actually give a second thought to every work you are supposed to do after the talk. He talks with such amount of compassion that there would be nothing in the world you’d do without his piece of advise. But he, he influences every soul around him so not in a positive manner. Later they’d personally end up cursing themselves because of him.
I guess I have said a lot about him, but wait, did I mention his name??
Oh and I shockingly made him sound human.
Meet this obtrusive creature, Laziness, or as he is human for me, Mr. Lazy.
And yes he just back here and I’m again falling as a prey to him. Can’t help it, he looks alluring in a colour that seems Black, hypothetically..
When I start writing this the only thing that is hovered over my mind is that I am just being sheer nostalgic. I don’t really know how far would I go writing this but all I know is that I have this urge to pour out all what I feel at this moment somewhere for I know I cant talk to anyone about it. Not that I have isloated myself or something but sometimes the things that amuse me, happiness that I find in a minute situtaion might not be the very same for the opposite person. Why do I make them waste their hearing abilities in giving a ear to all the stuff which means zilch to them. But writing in here I know somewhere there might be a single soul who would at least figure themselves in my shoes. I know too very melodramatic, but I can be this way sometimes.
All what I say, write or do, depends on my mood. And it fluctuates terribly. I might be in a different mood, and when the pendulum is back to its starting point of oscillation, you find me different. My motive of writing this hasn’t been certain enough. I had no idea that I’ll end up writing here, for when I start, I think I am not a good writer, maintaining a blog isn’t something I should be doing. I really don’t know what I should be doing. I can talk, talk for hours, talk things of which someone would have never thought I have knowledge about. But sometimes there is this part in me which doesn’t know what to talk. Doesn’t have words to frame a sentence to thank someone who made me feel so special that my skull goes in a hypothetical coma. Puts me in a situation where I am all choked and all I know is that I want to convey what I actually feel but I cant. It is something like this that happened to me. The things he had said, produced this new kind of feeling within me which had never been sensed by me. Pride, I christened it. To be someone tiny in his life. That he is someone who plays an important role in my life, for what I am is a part of all the tiny things he thought me. For he is that part of my Alma Matter, that would never be forgotten, and will always be cherished. I know it is something I should be happy about, I should talk to. But the only person I always discussed this with seems to get a feeling that I am not a part of the aura that should surround him, so that hurts.
I knew I would not come real far with this. Mixed Emotions and me, synonymous as always!
He knew his words would scar her trust. He knew he was the reason for her tears. the world would throw stones on him. The world – silent spectators of a story unknown to them. He would smile through his wounds. tomorrow the world would smile with him and she would smile with the world. These tears would make her bold. these wounds would make her stronger than a man, these wounds would make her a woman.
He never believed in destiny till he came face to face with the society. he had no faith in miracles and now he prays for one! He knows his intentions and he follows his heart. He might be wrong but this is a risk he has to take for tomorrow remains a mystery to them. He would smile through his wounds. tomorrow the world would smile with him and she would smile with the world.
*He is not a person who is difficult to change, he is just scared of the change.