Everyone knew her and loved the person she was. She was unique and so was her identity. However, that November morning changed everything for her. Everything from her identity, character, life,name and her very being.So much so, that her family also changed overnight. She was now Mrs. Das.
Dedicated to someone very dear to me.
DISCLAIMER: This post was inspired by a conversation I overheard while travelling on a bus and has nothing to do whatsoever with me.
He opens his eyes to loneliness. The room is dark except for the faint light which creeps in through the blinds, letting shadows of vehicles passing by adorn the ceiling. He shifts his posture to see the lady he has been sharing his bed with for the past 10 years. He was what society defined a perfect man and if perfection was requisite to be happy, then he would have been happy. It had been 11 years since he realized he wasn’t anywhere close to that happiness, to that peace of living life the way it should be.
Like i already told you, I have joined the bandwagon of the single-marriageable age-girl-looking for prospects. Well well not in my 
wildest dreams think I’d come to this. So on Sunday after my cousin pestered me to take a look at the profile they had created for me on a matrimony site, I was forced to sit down in front of the !@#$% system and look at myself being put up for sale. No, seriously. I have had profiles on the zillion social networking sites and have loved to see myself there. But this was, damn! It really felt like I was put up for sale with all the features and qualities and information where people come, look at you in photos in all possible angles and then decide whether you are “good enough” for them or their kid/brother etc. Yuck!!
So after I had seen through my profile and edited some of the insane information my family had given, my cousin and I decided to check out the profiles of the unlucky, inglorious fellows who had shown an interest in my profile and sent a message.
Okay before I get to the details, please remember that each person’s profile also has an area for filling up “partner preference” where you are supposed to enter what you are looking for and this is the area which everyone focuses to see if there is a mutual interest, frequency, match etc. This is what I have put up as my partner preference;
Age- 28-30(don’t want him younger than me and elder than my brother) Height-5’7- 6’1 Marital Status- Unmarried(d’uh!) Physique- normal( not athlete n not obese) Caste/Subcaste- Nair( if u ask me, i’d write intercaste offspring) Eating Habits- Non Vegetarian( must) Smoking Habits- non smoker(i really don’t appreciate people who smoke) Drinking Habits- doesn’t matter (:p) Education- B.Tech(non IT), M.Tech, MBA, PGDM, LLB,LLM(ok everything other than doctors and IT guys) Occupation- “ Annual Income- Haven’t mentioned anything.Now read On:
Guy 1
Name: KK Age-36 Caste- Naidu Profession- Business If I had a gun, I’d hunt him down and kill him! Come on, does anything here match my preference 😦 and to top all of it, no offence but if we were to stand together and take a pic, it would look something like ….aaaaah forget it! Guy 2 Name: AV Age: 34 Profession- M.Com Location: South Africa Caste- Pillai Don’t these guys read?? One thing i would love in the guy would be command over the english language and the ability to comprehend. Look if he cannot understand what I have written down, how on earth is he supposed to understand my feelings?! Guy 3 Name: RP Profession: Executive Age: 29 Height- 5’4 Location- Tvm GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR heights!!!! Guy 4 Name- VV Age-29 Height- 6’0 Location-Cochin hmmmmmm not bad….But really, one will go totally berserk looking at the men and hunting for “A suitable Boy” ! Yes I know what I want but how on earth do i just find him?! Oh if only my dad said, go find yourself a guy :p
Share your matrimonial stories…n lets laugh together.
Oh my Knight in Lungi…where are thou?!?!
I know I have written on marriages around 4 years ago but come on, I was a kid then!
So after an ordeal that went on for ages, my dad won. Or lets say my family won. I was going to do the unthinkable or rather I did the unfathomable and registered on a marriage site! Ya ya laugh all you want, but I had to do it. In a way life was scaring me. Most of my friends were getting married and some of them already have kids and are planning the next one! Forget marriage, I do not even have a guy! I was am scared I will die at 80, looking outside the window waiting for my man to come! So that was the one and only reason I had to register myself on a marriage portal(well not exactly, come on you could look at cute guys and nobody would say anything! :p
I must admit I have gone through these sites before for my cousin and a couple of my friends but this time it was different. I am 
clueless! I dont know what I am looking for then how am I supposed to fill up those questions and blanks?! I always believed which later on turned into hope that I would fall in love and get married to that guy I had found. But at 25, you have a remote chance and the odds are all against you. I was open to falling in love and had no criteria in particular, but this was different. I was supposed to fill up details of “The Man” i expected or wanted. Height, weight, favourite cuisines and hobbies, profession etc all required in detail.
Above all that I had to post a couple of my photos online so that the prospects can “view” and then send us a message. Well from the time I remember, my best friends and my brother have told me that I am quite photogenic(ahem ahem) and that people who see my fotos will think i look pretty when in reality i am not 😦 . Grrrrrr whatever! So that by itself was an ordeal. I did add a couple of fotos and my dear friends gave one look at it and started laughing. Now I am thinking, I should probably upload some of my whacky fotos or the morning photos that I have. I duunnoooooo!!!! Someone help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its been a day since I have become of matrimonial type and I am shit scared and apprehensive about my future. Can I jus find someone and get married or will I die waiting? I keep thinking of the friendsI have and how we were introduced bcoz I would love to have a guy who is my friend turned husband. Come on, think of getting up next to a person u hardly know! Think of how difficult its going to be to let a complete stranger be a part of your life! A guy who hardly knows my name trying to make my family and help me in making my dreams come true(O hell, he doesn’t even have a clue of what my dreams are).. I am kinda getting psyched and nobody seems to be listening.
P.S- I am scared and am seriously thinking of running away to Bhutan!
WWPS is an acronym for What Will People Say Syndrome and in some parts of north India it is the “Log Kya Kahenge” Syndrome” and in my land which is God’s Own Country it is the “AAlkaru enthu parayum Syndrome”.
We Indians seem to be afflicted with a very curious syndrome known as the “What will People Say” syndrome. This affects people across gender and age. The one sentence that the Indian woman fears the most after the much dreaded “Please Adjust” is “What will People Say “. Their whole lives are governed by this statement.
Want to stay over at a friend’s place” Oh No! What will people say” Feel like giving your husband a hug in Public – “Che Che What will people say!” Don’t want to get married? “Oh No! What will people say ! “I wonder if we realize how much we let this syndrome rules our lives! Our behavior and actions are not a result of what we want to do but molded by our fear of how they will be interpreted by society. This mentality of worrying about what people will say is worsened by the fact that Indians are by far the most inquisitive and interfering people I have ever come across. In other places, people don’t give a damn if you are single, married or living in, straight or gay, have kids or don’t have kids. Not so in our country! People will not only pry out every intimate juicy detail of your life, they will give you free advice and then make all the information fodder for gossip! Since our society spends half the time meddling in others affairs and the other half gossiping about it, it makes us even more conscious of doing anything without first thinking about “What people will say !”
My family is not afflicted with this syndrome and would love to let me live my life the way I want if it wasn’t for our “well wishers”. They just can’t seem to get over our bohemian attitude! Once a neighbor asked my dad, “saarinte mol bangalooril thaniye ano thamasikkunne, alkaar enthu parayum, nalla alochana varumo?” (your daughter stays alone aren’t you worried about what will people say, will a decent proposal ever come for her!) My dad, my superman tartly retorted “aalkar parayum ha avar avarude mole etre independent ayittanu valarthiyathu ennu !) (People will say look how independent they have made their daughter!)
“What will People say” has seeped so much into our mindset that we unconsciously do only the things that society wants or expects us to do. Parents are more concerned about their girls getting married “at the correct age” not because they want them to find a suitable life partner but because people will talk if the girl is unmarried. I know couples who’ve had kids because people expect you to have kids after 1-2 years of marriage. Otherwise they start asking questions. Somehow I always thought you have kids because you want to and not because society wants you to procreate!
On a serious note, I have seen so many examples of the “what will people say” syndrome ruin lives or thwart dreams. A lot of women don’t walk out of unhappy or abusive marriages not because they are scared of staying alone and starting their lives over but because they are terrified of the social stigma they will face. Women don’t mind if their kids grow up in abusive families but they don’t go for a divorce simple because “the flak my child will have to face once people find out he comes from a broken home”. I wonder if this same society of wagging tongues will actually come and help when the woman is going through torture. Or
Take the case of a girl who still hasn’t found a husband. She may be perfectly happy working and living with her parents or staying alone while she waits to meet the right guy but society literally makes her life hell with their persistent questions till she marries the first guy that comes along through sheer frustration ! I have even seen examples of midle aged females living alone who dont encourage their male cousins or friends to visit them for fear of what people will say !
The biggest irony is that we are worried about what people will say but don’t realize that the same “People” will talk whatever we do. Either way It’s a lose – lose situation. What we do can never please everyone so we might as well as do what we want ! I am not suggesting that we defy social norms and live a sort of anarchical existence. Our social dictates as well as fear of social pressure does keep us in check and prevents us from unethical and unacceptable behavior or actions. But I wonder how many people think about what “People will say” when they are breaking rules, littering the roads or even misbehaving with females, asking for dowry etc?
What really surprises me is why do we let society overpower us so much. Don’t we have our own sense of right or wrong that we have to look for society’s approval each time? Why can’t we listen to our inner voice and do what we really want to do! It takes a lot of courage to defy society and live the kind of life you want. Ask any woman (or even man for that matter) who have decided to go off the beaten track. I know a couple of them who have defied social norms and chosen to live life according to their rules and they have faced and are still facing the wrath of the society.
Well if we Indians are becoming westernised in all negative ways possible, I wonder why we can’t adopt a bit of their culture and do the right thing.
In India, or better still, in Kerala which is God’s own country(and devils own people) if you are a girl and unmarrried at 25, its a crime!!!If you are single then there is something very wrong with you!
Marriage! That all important thing in a woman’s life or so they say! Something that gets even more importance in our society than other trivial matters such as education and women’s rights! Our social mindset is such that an Indian woman is only considered to be a “complete woman” if she has that chain(thaali,mangalsutra etc) around her neck and a baby(two is perfect) on her lap.
As someone who is single, I am constantly being told how essential marriage is for a happy, secure and stable life. It’s a social norm that must be followed; my “well wishers” inform me earnestly. Honestly, I really can’t seem to understand this point of view.
Marriage according to me is a conscious decision to spend your life with someone you truly love and want to be around the rest of your life. What on earth does thatt have to do with a woman’s security and social acceptance? The general arguement is that a woman needs someone in her life to “Take Care” of her. Are we trying to imply that the modern Indian woman is not capable of taking the major decisions in her life and looking after her own needs? As for the majority of women is this country who are not financially independent, isn’t it a better idea to empower and educate them so that they become self reliant instead of just marrying them off to someone so that they are “looked after” for the rest of their lives. And how many times does it work? Haven’t we all seen umpteen examples when a woman is ill-treated by her husband and left to fend for herself? Usually women don’t even have the courage to walk out of an abusive marriage because they are afraid of the social stigma.
We need to stop treating a woman as a “Responsibility” or a “burden” and treat her as an individual with the freedom to live her life as she wants. We need to acknowledge and support a woman’s right to fight against an abusive marriage instead of telling her to quietly accept her lot.The Problem is, a woman’s hopes and aspirations don’t stand much of a chance in our male dominated society. Indian woman is supposed to be the epitome of sacrifice – She is told that she must compromise her own happiness and desires for the good of her family. Yes, there is a little give and take in every relationship. We make adjustments and sacrifices for the people we love – be it friends, family or siblings. But do we really need to submerge our own identity to get the so called fulfillment and social acceptance that marriage offers? Is marriage the only thing a woman can derive happiness and contentment from? Isn’t the freedom to follow our dreams and aspirations and live our life the way we want enough to make us happy? Wouldn’t a woman who hasn’t found the man or cannot be with the man of her choice, be happier living alone, doing what she wants, instead of getting stuck in a marriage where she lives a stifled existence.
Ladies,wouldn’t you rather be in the driving seat of your own life rather than let your life be driven by someone else where you wouldn’t even have half a chance of back seat driving ! Some of us are lucky enough to live life on our own terms. But we are a minority, and even if our family is perfectly all right with us being single, society is definitely not.
I am not against the institution of marriage. A marriage between two people who truly care for and understand each other, is a real blessing. Just don’t make marriage a social compulsion, something we are obliged to do even if we are not happy doing it. Let a woman make her own choices, let her decide if she wants to stay single or get married and give her the right to walk out of an abusive or unhappy marriage without making it a social stigma.
She has known him now for 4 yrs . They met when they were in college. She was NOT a girl next door , and he wasn’t a flamboyant in character , but they were meant to be together.
She was a charmer and he was the less social, shy one in the corner. He was into books and she was in everything apart from it . Maybe as it is said , opposites attract. They happened to each other . She never believed in Love until she met him and THEN there was no looking back .
They made a pair to be envied by all those who knew they were a couple , to be blessed and loved by few .
When GOD wrote their Love Story he was perhaps in the most melodramatic mood. The budding lovers were least aware of the real world. They dreamt of everything except a broken relationship .
Some dreams are meant never to be fulfilled and few horrible horrible nightmares were destined to come true. Maybe they were fated to meet and depart .
Oh there she stands today amidst all applauses & eyes gazing at her. She is at her best spirit. This is where she always intended to be. To be acclaimed , to be unbeaten , to be praised. She moves in the crowd with smile on her lips and pride in her eyes but always looking for that familiar face with the deep grin. The disappointment in not finding that face was well hidden by practice.She moves back to her bay and look out of window to see the roads she has travelled once with him .
She is 28 now and climbing ladders to her success but nothing stops her from going back to the life when she was with him .There is part of her which wants to run back to the days when she was 21 , when she was content by just walking in the June- July rains of Cochin, by that 5 minute bike ride or that wait at the garden for 10 minutes just to see him after his football or cricket match . She cant stop thinking of those days even when her friends tell her to move on .
Moving on has been a strange journey for her where she got everything in this spree only disallowing herself from every relationship . She met many ppl only making them acquaintances. Today she is in dilemma if to allow herself another chance in new relation or not . As the pieces of that broken relation still nip her , she refuses to discard them .
Every marriage she attends, every status update she receives, every couple on the road n she thinks to herself, why couldn’t it be them walking hand in hand, y couldn’t it be their marriage, and why did it have to be them to fall apart? Why??
No matter how high she climbs up and how much success she finds, the love that she felt when she was 21 will still thriving inside her . A relationship which is dead for the world will still be nurtured and kept alive by her. She is not waiting for him but the love still binds her to tat man .She will forever be 21.
Everyone I know are either getting married or going abroad to do further studies. 
When I tell people I don’t wanna do it, they look at me like a retard. It got me thinking, “Am I one?” Maybe I am. or maybe not. Maybe everyone else is crazy. These people are just half of the crowd I know. The rest of them are scurrying to find the perfect groom. Both of them are in the pursuit of “settling down”.
Can anyone ever settle down in life? I don’t think its possible, but ask yourself, how many people have thrown that phrase at you at the drop of a hat?. I’m sure your fingers and toes collectively are not enough to count.
Just when I am about to gobble the gulab jamoon on my plate at some stupid wedding reception one of the afore mentioned crowd ,there appears an aunty out of thin air. With a cheesy wink, she asks, “So next is yours.” I smile sheepishly wishing, “Oh! if only cold-blooded murder were legal in this country”. He keeps staring, then I say, “Whats the hurry , I’m still a kid”. Stupid me, its exactly the type of answers such aunties and uncles are waiting for. She retorts, “When will you “settle down” ? Look at your cousin, she is younger than you and happily married”
What does he mean settle down?? Am I some squatter? I live in a house just like them. Do people live in some underground establishment after marriage? ‘Cos I know only one “down” and thats where I am right now!
Coming back to the other half. An irritating “friend” pokes you on facebook. This is the conversation that ensues
He/She:”Hey whats up?!”
Me:”Nothing much, you tell”
He/she:”Nothing just chilling here (“Here” refers to Chicago/CA/wherever on the northern hemisphere).. So what r ur plans?”
Me:”For the weekend?”
He/She:”No yaar, in life? I mean, marriage or professional course?”
Me: “I don’t wanna do both”
He/She: “What?!!! But why??”
Me: “I’m fine this way”
He/She: “Are you happy with that package? Don’t you wanna settle down rich and happy?”
Time to log out 
Anyway, the point is people NEVER settle down. If they are married, they’ll start thinking ’bout kids, if they’ve kids, they start thinking ’bout their scools, school over? college, college over? then their marriage!!
For the others who do their professionaldegrees, if they are in India, they wanna go to US, if they’ve an AM’s post, they vie for the Manager’s, if they become the manager they’ll want to get married!
It never stops
I wanna tell all those people
“I will not settle down!
This is life.
Its a vicious circle,
The circle of life, The end is death,
You can’t settle down when you are alive,
If you wanna settle down, then just die,
you will be made to “settle down”, whether you like it or not!
Face it!”
I’d love to see the look on their faces
She lit the candles carefully. Lighting the last one, she looked around to make sure the whole room glowed orange
evenly. She sat down to rearrange the white lace tablecloth neatly spread out on the floor. Making sure the edges were even, she placed the dishes she had made on the tablemats, careful to place them equidistant from each other. She was a perfectionist, or so she said.
Finally, she looked up.
Candles – check.
Flowers – check. He hated lilys, so she had to be sure none were in sight.
Food – check check. Steaming hot Italian pasta and baked vegetables slightly underdone. Perfect.
Wine – check.
Sexy dress – check.
Makeup- perfect.
She sat back against the leg of the sofa, inhaling the scent of the candles. The watch showed five to eight; she had exactly four minutes before he arrived. She smiled, wondering what that penchant for being one minute early was all about. She had never found out in the four years they had been together- much like everything else she did not know about him.
She wondered why they had never tried to find out more about each other. Beyond his favourite cuisine, his aversion to lilies and his obsession with black satin, she knew almost nothing about his tastes.
He turned around slowly, not needing a response. It was as they had begun the relationship – no questions asked, no further explanations needed. You are free to leave anytime you choose. He had told her, cupping his fingers beneath her chin as they had stood beneath the star strewn sky. I will ask no questions.Maya sat alone as the sounds of the procession wafted through.
“Am I getting married?” she thought, perturbed in her mind, her heart racing, and a sense of foreboding evil infused her senses. It wasn’t one of those pre wedding jitters one usually had.
“Shut up! Shut up! Calm down…” she muttered, barely breathing, the jewellery around her throat chokes her windpipes, almost a trap. Almost?
Laughter rings out, getting louder till all other sounds die out except the screaming inside her own head. She had no idea why she had agreed to marry. In fact, truth was, she did not care. For months she had not even looked at a reflection of herself. She walked up to the mirror and stared at the stranger who looked back at her; looking beautiful in her bridal attire, her eyes pained and soulless.
Whatever it was, she did not really care anymore. She would go through it because she was expected to. There were no ambitions anymore; all lay in shreds broken words of countless thoughts that had wept onto the pages of a journal, now reduced to waste, quite like the relationship that had been rudely shaken and killed.
Run. Run away while there is still time. Shut up! Shut up! O my God! What am I to do? Lord, can’t you do something? Why do I have to go through this?
She looked sadly at herself…as she remembered.
“Maya, where were you?” his voice rang in her ears as the memory sprung out. She looked at him. He was angry. He looked like he could murder. It was what he exactly did. He brutally stabbed her soul, his words rich with abuse, cruel and biting.
He had decided to physically torture her however he could before he went his way forever, careful to cover his hands with bandage so his skin would not bruise in the process of bruising hers. Maya had lain on the floor, her body curved into a small shroud; tears had long mixed with the blood that was on her nose, her broken skin inside her mouth, the salt of it metallic and sick. His words sunk into her, each stab worse than the previous one, cutting into her wounds deeper. He did not love her. He had merely been using her. He told her about the others, his friends as he used to call them, what they did to give him pleasure and what she never could give him. . Commitment was never what he wanted, a body to make him feel like god, satisfy his ego and make sure all his demands and wishes were met. That is what he wanted from her. That is what his friends gave him.They adulated him. He was a God.
Lust. That is all it was.
She returned home when it was dark and nobody could see her. She put away the clothes, folded up, the putrid smells of the drying blood growing stronger. She put away her soul, her heart and her entire self, bruised and damaged beyond belief, and in a stupor.
At the insistence of her father, she agreed to marry the first person who came along and asked her. She made no protest. She let them bathe her, beautify her with the long rituals of the pre-wedding rites, that could purify her and ready her for marriage.
The laughter shook her out of her reverie. They had come for her. She was ready; for slaughter of a different kind. It was alright. It did not matter. Nothing had mattered and nothing ever could matter anymore. It was a just punishment she gave herself for having taken the liberty to fall for a heartless man. It was time to pay for the sins of her doing. There was retribution to be carried out. It was inevitable.
“Maya, shall we go?”
Maya nodded and stepped out to face her Fate. There were no sounds anymore.
Three hours later, with the red dash on her forehead, she sat in the quiet room, the smell of roses and jasmine choking, mocking her life.
She waited, to be used, abused…or ?
VERISIMILITUDE 